


Candy and Cake

by Obsessive_mishamigo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Army AU, Bamf!Bobby, Broken Boys, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mentioned Garth Fitzgerald, Mentioned Jo Harvelle, Mentioned Potential Bobby Singer/Ellen Harvelle, Military Protocols, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, abusive!john winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-27 23:37:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 29
Words: 42,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13258992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessive_mishamigo/pseuds/Obsessive_mishamigo
Summary: Two wounded men met in a bus station over a book.Dean's eyes contain a past hell and Cas' carry a current.Will this runaway and this army man find a connection, or are they headed in opposite directions on the bus line?





	1. Chapter 1

“Why do you like to read?” he asked. He wasn't sure why he was asking a complete stranger something so personal. He knew you should only ask strangers for directions or the time. 

The bus station was quiet this time of morning. It was early, and the first bus wasn't due for another few hours. He hadn't wanted to miss his ticket out. 

“Why do most people read?” the other man replied. “To escape.”

“Oh.” It wasn't quite the answer he expected. “My brother reads a lot.” He wasn't sure why he said that, but he did know uncomfortable silences made him twitchy. 

He noticed how worn the book was. The spine was cracked and white in several places. The corners of the book looked dingy as if they’d been turned a thousand times. He couldn't see the title on the faded cover. “Is that your favorite book?” he found himself speaking again. He internally chastised himself for bothering the man. 

“Yes, have you read it before?” The other man showed him the cover. He shook his head. “Here.” He handed the book to him. 

He was clearly puzzled, his face contorted. “If it's your favorite, why give it away? And to a stranger?” 

“You look like you want to escape,” he said still holding out the book. 

Dean took the book hesitantly. “What's it about?” He looked over the well worn book. He tried to decipher the faded words on the back cover. “Have you thought about maybe buying a new copy? This one is pretty beat up.” 

“I shall more than likely purchase a new copy at some point,” he noted. “I haven't been to the bookstore lately.” 

He sat quietly for a moment holding the book in his hands. “Here,” he held the book out to the guy. “I won't know how to get it back to you. You should just keep it.” 

The man refused. “Read it. Wherever you're going, it’ll help the time pass more quickly.” He shrugged lightly. His lips crooked upwards slightly at the corners. 

Dean stared at the book in his hands. “I don't actually know where I'm going.” He realized he’d said the words out loud. “S-sorry, I didn't mean to say that.”

“Do you know why you're going?” the man asked. He seemed somewhat intrigued by the fact Dean had no destination. 

Dean glanced around the bus station. “Did you sleep here?” He noticed the frumpy bag behind the man. 

He shrugged. “Why are you leaving?” 

“Because I can't stay,” he said dully. He sounded as if he'd said it a thousand times, but really he'd only said it just this once. He shook his head and handed the guy the book. “You should keep your book.”

Once again, the man refused. He stared at the book then at Dean. “You're running from something.” He tilted his head and reminded Dean of an owl. “Someone.” 

“It's a long, boring story. It's not one like your books.” He looked at the one in his hands. “Nothing magical.” 

“We have time. There's no harm in confiding in a bus mate,” the other man insisted. 

Dean fidgeted with the book in his hands and with his jacket. “I guess.” He looked at the other man more closely. He saw the details of his bag. “Where you headed?” he asked without thinking. 

“Home. Just got back,” he said quietly. “That's why I haven't bought a new copy. It's a little worn. There's a few spots on a few pages, but it’ll read just the same.” 

Just got back. The words played in Dean's head. He realized what the bag was. He could see the red fabric tag hanging from paracord on the bag. It had a last name, he assumed, and four digits. Dean looked back meeting the man’s gaze. “Thank you,” he said softly, “for the book and your service.” 

The man the tag identified as Novak nodded curtly. “It's not often that happens. Soldiers are forgotten when they come home until a major military holiday, like Veteran’s day. That's when everyone says ‘thank you.’ It's nice to hear it.” 

Dean nodded. “Was it a difficult choice to volunteer? I mean, draft, you have no choice, but there was no draft.” 

Novak nodded. “Yes, I left behind a younger brother. That was the hardest part. Most men have families they leave behind.”

Dean pressed his hand to his chin. He thought of Sam. How would Sam handle it if this man were him? “So you're headed home to see your brother?” He found himself wanting to continue speaking to this man he didn't know.

The man was patient with him. “I hope so. It's been a long time.” He wore a sad smile that said leaving was the hardest decision he'd made. 

Dean furrowed his brow. He thought of how hard it would be to be away from Sam for a long time. He didn't know how long this guy was gone, but it sounded like long enough to be painful. “Can you get out if you wanted to?” he asked slowly. 

“Contracts last for four years active duty or reserve,” he stated. “Some stay in the full twenty years so they can retire young.”

Dean eyed him, taking him all in. “And you?” The man looked tired and worn. 

He shrugged. “Haven't decided yet. It all depends on how this trip home goes, I guess,” he sighed. “Might make a career out of it.”

“You look really young but you don't sound like it. Your eyes look like you're much older.” Dean couldn't help himself. The words just spilled out of him. 

The man didn't seem startled, but he did lean forward a little. “Looking into my eyes isn't the most comforting thing. I've seen a lot of shit.” He met Dean's gaze, green eyes glinting lightly in the dull light of the seemingly abandoned bus station. “Your eyes still have life. You can still enjoy the magic in the world.” 

Dean blushed, grateful it was dim in the station. This man had a strange effect on him. “There's no magic in the world. I learned that really young,” he scoffed. 

The other man studied him. “No, you haven't. Not yet anyway. Tragedy yes, but magic, you just haven't found it.” He nodded toward the book. “It can help you see it.”

His eyes fell on the tag again. “Novak?” 

The man looked back up at him. “Yes?” Dean realized that was all the man had been called the whole time he'd been away. He responded as if it was his only name. 

“What's your first name?” he asked. 

He hesitated. Dean saw a small change in him. Someone was treating him like a person and not a soldier. He wasn't just a pair of boots. “Castiel or Cas.”

Dean smiled lightly. “That's a nice name,” he murmured. “Can I send this back to you when I'm done?” He held up the book. “I don't want to keep your favorite book. It looks like it means a lot to you.”

Castiel nodded slowly. “It does.” His eyes seemed to unfocus, and he was somewhere else, not sitting in a bus terminal. 

“You okay?” Dean asked. 

Cas shook. He didn't seem to be in control. His eyes darted around looking everywhere but not seeing anything. Dean moved to kneel right in front of him and touched his knee lightly. “Hey, Cas? It's okay. You're home,” he said quietly. “It's okay.”

Slowly, Cas regained himself. He saw Dean touching his knee and felt flushed. “I'm sorry. I have moments sometimes.” He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them tightly. 

Dean rested his hand on the man's arm. “You've seen a lot of shit, remember? Moments are bound to happen. Why did you shake?” he was concerned. 

Cas looked away. “Not sure. Anyway, it-it doesn't matter.”

“Why not?” Dean asked. He was sitting so he was looking up at Cas. 

Cas thought he looked like a lost puppy. “Why are you leaving?” he asked again. 

Dean sighed. “Short version, my dad.” He sat back against his own bag. 

“Tell me the long version?” Cas asked hesitantly. He shook his head. “It's okay if you don't want to. I get it.”

Dean leaned heavily against his bag which was up against a column in the station. Cas watched him try to get comfortable but fail. Cas could sit or sleep anywhere thanks to his training. 

“Would you like to take the bench? It would be better for sleeping,” he said. “I can sleep anywhere.”

“But you shouldn't have to,” he blurted out. He berated himself internally. 

Cas’s lips twitched up into a small smile. “That's kind of you, but really, I'm used to it. If you'd like,” he gestured to the bench and stood up. 

“You're not going to let me stay on the floor, are you?” Dean surmised. Cas shook his head in confirmation. “Fine,” he growled. He got up and plopped on the bench.

Dean got as comfortable as he could and hated that Cas was right. The bench was more comfortable than the floor. “I don't want to sleep. I don't want to miss the bus.”

“I won't sleep. Want me to wake you?” Cas asked. 

Dean thought for a second and decided. “No, keep talking to me?” he requested. 

“I can't be that interesting,” Cas remarked. 

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Really, hero? You're in the…” he glanced at the bag. “Army?” 

Cas nodded. “Engineer branch.”

Dean smiled. “Really? I figured you for more like a desk jockey.” 

“Engineer covers a broad range. Construction of roads, blowing things up, dismantling explosives, all kinds of things. I like the variety.” Cas said these things so casually. 

Dean was stunned by how words like that just sounded like another Sunday afternoon to Cas. “Explosives? Isn't that dangerous?” He realized he cared. Why did he care?

“Not if you know what you're doing,” he smirked. His face grew serious. “It is dangerous. It's ugly. And when you get home, no one understands. You don't just leave it over there.” He realized he'd spoken instead of thought his insecurities. “Sorry, I'm not usually like this.”

“It's okay to confide in a bus mate,” Dean echoed the words Cas had said earlier. “I mean it. My phone has been cut off. But here, write your number down. I'll call you when I get a new phone. You can always have someone to talk to.” He held out a torn piece of paper and a pen. 

“I don't know you. You could be some kind of creepy stalker, or worse, working for the enemy.” Cas sounded reserved. He sounded distant. 

“You're not over there anymore. You're home,” Dean said quietly. He watched Cas carefully. 

Cas sat straighter than straight as if someone was measuring how he held himself. He stared at Dean and pursed his lips tightly. “You're just a stranger in passing.”

“Dean Winchester.” He caught Cas off guard. “Now, I'm not a stranger, Castiel Novak.” He sat up on the bench. “I'm a friend.”

“Why?” He wasn't used to kindness. 

“Well, I figured that a guy sleeping in a bus station on Christmas might not have anyone waiting for him,” Dean answered honestly. He watched Cas shift uncomfortably. “How long has it been since you’ve seen your brother?”

“Why are you leaving yours?” he countered.   
“Man, you're stubborn! How did they ever manage to give you orders?” he laughed. 

Cas looked appalled. “I wasn't supposed to come home,” he said almost inaudibly. 

Dean looked confused for a moment. “You signed up hoping you would die? Why would you do that?”

“Go home to your brother, Dean.” He turned to face another direction. 

Dean sat on the floor beside Cas. “I can't go home.” He didn't understand why he felt this way about a man he barely knew, but he felt like he could trust him. 

Cas looked back. “Why not?” Dean noticed his breath hitched when he realized how close Dean was to him. 

“Probably a similar reason you don't have anyone either.” Dean didn't take his eyes off of Cas. “Why did you really sign up? And no bullshit about serving the country.”

Cas stared at the floor. He had no idea why it was easy to talk to Dean. He’d always had trust issues even before the Army. “I wasn't kidding. I thought I would die over there. That was the plan.” 

“Why did you want that?” Dean asked. Then he shook his head. “Sorry, that was too personal. We just met.” He berated himself again for noticing how handsome the man was. He noticed his dark hair and thought if it were a little longer than a high and tight it would look better. He thought the man’s blue eyes sparkled like jewels. He shook these thoughts away. 

“I think we crossed that line a while ago, but you haven't said much about you,” he pointed out. Cas looked like he wanted to ask again about why Dean was there but he refrained. 

Dean could see the question on his face. “My dad kicked me out when he found out I like guys.” Dean leaned back and put his hands over his eyes, digging the heels of his palms into them. “He took Sammy away and kicked me out.” He hadn't realized he choked on the words. He didn't feel the sting of tears in his eyes. 

Cas saw the worry on Dean's face. “Will Sammy be okay with him?” 

Dean nodded. “Sam is his golden boy.” Dean felt vulnerable. He hated the feeling, but something about Cas was comforting. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you.” He stood up and walked toward the door, leaving his things on the bench. He pushed the door open and let the cold, crisp winter air numb his face and arms. 

He tried to get his emotions under control. He knew the station would soon come alive and buzz with people moving in and out and buses coming and going. He wiped his face with his hand and sighed. He heard the door behind him open. 

“Did I say something wrong?” Cas was behind him. “You left your jacket inside.” He held it out for Dean, but he didn't move. 

“It's not you, Cas.” He turned around. “It's not you.” He looked up at the metal awning above them. “I shouldn't have even said anything to begin with. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be.” Dean slowly lowered his face back to look at Cas. “You were right. I don't have anyone. I was going to go home, but when I called, the line was disconnected. They changed the phone number so I can't communicate with them.” 

“What if you had died? Would they care then?” Dean hated the idea of Cas’s family. “What about your brother? Can you call him?” 

“They wouldn't care. They hated me before and more so after I signed up.” He saw Dean shiver and held the leather jacket out again. 

Dean shook his head. “Sam was all I really ever had. So I get having a shitty family.” 

Cas shook his head. “There's more to that story, a lot more. Please, come back in or put the jacket on. It's freezing out here, and you're only in a t-shirt.” 

Dean sighed and went back inside to appease Cas. He sat with his back against the column. “How did your father find out you have a preference for men?” Cas asked softly. 

Dean's eyes fell. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't come to him. Cas waited patiently. “I don't know when he started to suspect, but when I was a kid he told me if he ever caught me with a boy the punishment would be worse than anything I ever got.” Dean leaned his head back on the column. “I didn't think he'd go through with it.” He swiped at his face trying to make it look like he wasn't close to tears. 

“Is Sam going to be safe with him?” Cas asked again. “He won't hurt him or kick him out will he?”

Dean shook his head. “Even if he did, Sam still has Bobby, our sort of uncle.” He caught himself. “His uncle.” 

“Does Bobby know why your father threw you out?” Dean shook his head. “You should tell him. It would give you somewhere to go.”

“What about you?” Dean realized he was concerned for the other man. “Where will you go?” 

Cas shrugged. “I'll find somewhere to stay close to my unit.”

“Don't the people sent back come in groups? Why are you alone?” Yes, talk about him, anything to focus Dean on something other than his own problems. 

Cas grew quiet, reserved, distant. “It's a new unit I'm being transferred to,” he said quietly. “Can we not talk about that?” 

Dean nodded. He knew Cas had probably gone through some really bad things overseas. He also knew that they had only known each other a few hours. He had no right to ask anything personal of Cas. 

He got up suddenly and grabbed the book. “Read to me?” Cas looked at him curiously. “Read it to me. We can both escape this way.” He sat back down beside Cas. “You need it too.” 

“And when the bus leaves?” Cas asked. “What then?” 

Dean shrugged. “I can go with you if that's alright. I don't have a destination planned. You do.” 

“What do you plan on doing, Dean? For a job, for living arrangement, your life?” Cas asked. He was in the Army. That was his plan. Finding a place to stay wouldn't be an issue. He had saved everything he earned while he was overseas. “Do you have any kind of plan?”

“No,” Dean pulled his knees to his chest. “I don't have a job anymore because I don't have a place to stay. Dad will tell Bobby, and Bobby will fire me.” 

“What does Sam think happened?” 

“That I bailed three days ago.” His gaze met the blue eyes of the man next to him. He wished his eyes would behave themselves. 

“Have you been here for three days?” Cas was obviously concerned. “I knew you looked like you haven't slept, but have you eaten anything?” 

Dean shook his head. “I've got enough for a bus ticket out and figured I’d figure anything else out when I got wherever.” 

Cas took another look at Dean's bag. “Come with me.” Cas stared at Dean. He could see every line of worry on Dean's face. He could see he was thin, but he didn't know him before. “Dean, come with me. I didn't have anything to come back to. I don't want you to worry about money.”

Dean couldn't hold it back anymore. “Why do you care about me? You just met me.” Tears trailed down his face. The dam was breaking. It broke under the compassionate gaze of blue eyes. 

Cas reached out and held his hand. “You don't deserve what your father is putting you through. You're a nice guy, a really good guy. You wouldn't have even spoken to me if you were anything like your old man.” Cas let his eyes fall on their hands. He blushed lightly. “I don't want to see you get hurt.” 

“Do they tease you in the Army?” Dean wondered out loud. 

Cas sat up a little straighter not letting go of Dean's hand. “No one knows. I'm not stupid. ‘Don't ask, don't tell’ may not be a thing anymore, but guys can be cruel.”

“Where are we going?” Dean saw Cas was uncomfortable.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas read his favorite book, which Dean learned was called The Hobbit. He read to Dean until Dean fell asleep on the bus. Cas wouldn't let them miss their stop. He refused to sleep even when Dean was awake and insisted. 

“You haven't slept in two days,” he argued. 

“Trust me, I'm fine. I've trained and fought on less sleep,” Cas replied calmly. 

Dean huffed and regarded him carefully. He couldn't explain why he cared so much about someone he'd just met a few days ago. “Fine, but wake me up if you get tired. Please?” he added softly. “I mean it, Cas.” He huffed. “You look like shit.” 

“You look worse. I wish you would eat,” Cas commented. He could see how baggy the other man's pants had become. The leather jacket helped to hide how much weight he'd lost in his torso.

Dean shrugged. “I can't. I...I'm not going to eat your food. You need it.” 

“Dean,” Cas spoke more softly. “You haven't eaten in four days. I'm not counting the granola bar I got you to eat yesterday. Please eat something.” 

“You're already letting me move in with you, and I don't have a job lined up yet. You have the Army. It wouldn't be right to take more from you,” Dean protested. His stomach lurched at the idea of food. 

“I’ll sleep if you eat.” This sounded like a final offer. 

Dean nodded slowly. “Nothing too heavy though. I don't want to puke it up.” His stomach hurt tremendously, but he wasn't about to admit it. 

Cas handed him some peanut butter crackers and a water bottle. Then he adjusted and got as comfortable as anyone could on a bus and fell asleep. 

Dean woke him when they made it to the next stop. “Bathroom break. Next stop should be ours.” 

Cas nodded. Dean noticed how haunted he looked. He didn't ask questions. He took his hand and squeezed it lightly. Cas looked for reassurance in Dean's face. 

Hours creeped by slowly. Cas woke Dean when they pulled into the bus station. Dean became worried. “Where do we go now?” He didn't think Cas had a place to go yet. 

“Hotel reservation and a taxi,” he smiled as a taxi pulled up. 

“When did you do this?” Dean was curious.

“You were sleeping soundly. I didn't want to disturb you.” Cas looked exhausted still. “I'm glad to see I didn't wake you.” He rubbed his eyes. 

Dean let Cas lean against him. “You need sleep.” Cas gave the hotel information to the taxi driver. 

They arrived at the hotel quickly. There was little traffic because it was so late at night. Cas checked them in to the hotel, and they went to their room. Cas practically collapsed on the bed. 

“Cas, when was the last time you really slept?” Dean was concerned. 

Cas looked up at him, bleary-eyed. “Five days ago?” He was unsure and tried to count on his hand. 

Dean cradled him in his arms. He lifted Cas from the awkward position on the bed and placed him on the floor. He pulled the covers back on the bed. He carefully lifted Cas to his feet and helped him out of his pants. He left his boxers and t-shirt on and placed him in the bed and covered him with the blankets. 

Cas realized Dean was stronger than he looked. He let Dean help him into the bed. He was too tired to do anything else. “Get some sleep, Cas,” he said quietly and patted his head. 

Dean put the bags they had on the desk and decided he needed a shower. He couldn't remember the last time he’d had one. He let the steam seep into him and breathed it in deeply, calming him as much as it could. 

Helping Cas into bed reminded him of taking care of Sam. He thought of his brother and his eyes hurt. He tried to stay calm, but he missed his brother. He knew Sam probably hated him by now. His father, John, was probably filling his head with all kinds of lies. He wished he could speak to Sam. 

He pushed the thoughts from his head as he exited the bathroom. He’d been sure to take clothes with him, not that any of them were clean now. He saw Cas twitching and moving frantically in the bed. He switched on the lamp beside Cas and touched his arm. 

Cas jerked upright, breathing hard and fast. Dean kept his hand on him. When Cas looked at him, he felt like he was seeing a stranger retreating in his eyes. “You're okay. You're home,” Dean whispered. “It's okay.”

Cas closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. “I'm s-sorry. D-did I wake you?” He couldn't look at Dean. 

Dean shook his head. “I took a shower.” He rubbed a hand through his wet hair. “I saw you thrashing about and got scared for you.”

Cas looked embarrassed. “Sorry.” 

“Whatever you saw, experienced, over there haunts you, doesn't it?” Dean understood. He could see Cas as he was and wasn't afraid of him. 

Cas searched his green eyes looking for signs of fear or disgust. He didn't see any. He nodded. 

Dean stood to go to bed when he thought Cas was okay to sleep again. Cas grabbed his fingers. “Stay?” His blue eyes looked full of fear and pain. 

Dean sat on the bed and ran his fingers through Cas’s short dark hair. “Are you sure?” Cas nodded and then shook his head. “I'm right over there if you need me.” Dean stood and got into his bed. 

He felt bad for Cas. He felt bad that Cas had gone through completely terrible atrocities overseas. He felt bad that Dean was burdening him further. He felt bad that Cas didn't have a decent enough relationship with his family that no one was there to receive him at the airport. 

Dean rolled over and faced the window. He didn't want to burden Cas. He decided that in the morning he would leave and find a job and a place to stay. 

He woke up when Cas crawled in bed with him. Dean froze. Cas crawled toward him and slung one arm over him. Dean didn't move. 

“Are you okay? Is this okay?” Cas whispered. He sounded worried. 

Dean rolled onto his back. “Are you okay?” He watched the outline of Cas’s face. He couldn't see it very well in the dark. 

Cas hesitated. “I'm sorry.” He sat up and rubbed his face with the palms of his hands.   
Dean sat up beside him. “Why?” 

Cas shook his head. “I shouldn't.” He wasn't making sense. He started to get out of the bed. “Sorry.”

Dean wrapped his fingers around his wrist. “You can stay with me.” He tugged gently on the wrist. “Cas,” he whispered. Cas crashed back onto the mattress and Dean slung an arm over him. “I’ll keep you safe.”


	3. Chapter 3

Cas found an apartment within a few days. It was near where his unit was located. It was a two bedroom apartment with plenty of space for both of them. He bought a used car so they could easily move around town. 

“I have to report to my new unit tomorrow. Will you need the car?” Cas asked as they ate dinner. 

Dean shook his head. He hadn't seen Cas in his uniform yet and secretly wanted to. Cas looked better after a day in the apartment. He slept most of the first day. 

Dean didn't mind. He made a list of things they needed. Cas had found a furnished apartment. But both of them were limited on clothing. Dean decided groceries was something to discuss as well. He was tired of seeing Cas eat MRE meals. Dean outright refused to eat them knowing Cas hadn't slept well in days. 

Dean had talked Cas into stocking the refrigerator and pantry so he didn't have to eat the awful packaged meals. Cas appreciated the gesture, but he was still worried about Dean's lack of appetite. 

“I don't eat much,” he had lied. Dean knew he didn't want to be a bother more than he already was. He promised himself he would find a job and pull his own weight. 

Cas would pretend not to hear Dean's stomach growl when they sat on the couch and watched tv. Dean wouldn't even flinch. But he did when Cas told him he had to go to the new unit. Dean was instantly worried for him. 

“Will you be gone a lot? Will they try to send you back over there?” he tried to hide the worry in his voice, but he failed. 

“Not anytime soon.” Cas looked up from his food. “My new unit is a reserve unit. That means I will only go into the unit once a month for two to five days.” 

Dean fumbled his fork. “How many days is it this time?” 

“Three. Tomorrow is Friday. But I get to come home each night,” he informed. 

Dean focused on the food in front of him. He felt strange calling this place home. He didn't want to be a burden to Cas. 

“What is it?” Cas spoke softly. 

“Nothing,” Dean replied. He had stopped talking as much since they found the apartment. 

“Dean, just days ago you were telling me secrets, trusting me. Why are you shutting me out now?” Cas asked. 

The table was small and only sat four. They sat beside each other. Cas put a hand on Dean's. He watched Dean close his eyes. “You're leaving? Why?” 

Dean didn't want to answer, but Cas deserved the truth. “I don't want to be a burden to you.” 

“You're not. I enjoy your company,” he said slowly. 

“You don't mean that,” Dean sounded sad. “No one would.” 

Cas squeezed Dean's hand. “I'm not like your father. I want you here.” 

“You don't know anything about me!” Dean blurted out. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to be defensive. 

Calmly, Cas pursed his lips then spoke. “You are Dean Winchester. You're twenty-one years old. You have a brother named Sam who you love very, very much. Your father is a dick and can go jump off a cliff. You have amazing green eyes and a beautiful smile that lights up a room. You've got a wildness about you I can't place. Missing anything?” 

Dean felt his cheeks were warm when Cas complimented his eyes and smile. His heart beat a little faster, and he hated himself for it. He didn't want to fall for this man. He wanted to be where no one could ever hurt him. 

“I mean it, Dean. You're not a burden,” he said softly. His thumb moved gently back and forth over Dean's knuckles. 

“A beautiful smile? You've been looking at someone else then.” He turned his face away. 

Cas reached over and with two fingers turned Dean's face back to look at him. “You have a good heart. That's the most beautiful thing about you.” 

Dean couldn't breathe. He couldn't believe the words Cas was saying. How could he think these things of him? How could anyone? “Cas, I…” he tried to speak. 

Cas put the two fingers over his lips. He leaned in close and right before he touched his lips with his own, he whispered, “It's okay. You're safe with me.” 

Dean felt his warm lips press against his. He kissed back not realizing he wanted this. He wanted Cas. Cas pulled back, and Dean missed the warmth of his lips. 

“I wish you didn't have to go tomorrow,” he found himself saying. 

“I shouldn't have kissed you,” Cas said quickly. “Being with me, it's a hard life. It's...No, I won't do that to you. You deserve better.”

“Cas,” Dean held his hand. “I want this. I want you.” He searched the blue eyes that stared at him in surprise. “I'm not sure what you mean by hard life, but I've already been through hell.” 

Cas ran a thumb along Dean's jawline. “We can't be open about it at my unit.” Sadness tinged his eyes. “Every two years, I get sent to a new unit. That's how the Army works.” His gaze fell. “And I can always be sent back overseas, not knowing if I will make it home alive. If I do, you might not wait for me. I don't want to be one of those guys that gets a ‘Dear John’ letter. I've seen what it does.”

“We could take it slow and see where it goes? I really hope you don't get deployed again. Isn't a reserve unit supposed to stay here?” He had no idea about military life. He had grown up in a small town where almost no one joined up. 

“No, reserve units go too, just not as often.” Cas watched Dean's hand on his for a moment. “We could take it slow.” 

“Why can't anyone at your unit know?” he asked. “All the other soldiers get to show off their significant others and families.”

“Guys will always be guys. It's okay for civilians and the Navy, but there's a bit of a macho stigma in the Army where being gay is less than being female. Females are treated with respect, but us, no.” Cas looked pitifully sad. “Like I said, I shouldn't do this to you.”

Dean took his face in his hands. “Don't say that. It's as much my choice as it is yours. You can't deny you have feelings for me any more than I can deny my feelings for you. Trust me, I've tried.” 

Cas nodded. “So what do we do? The Army has family day functions and other events where the significant others and families attend. Will you go to those?”

“I think that will depend on what they are. We can say I'm your super supportive roommate.” Dean decided he was comfortable with that since it wasn't really a lie. “I'm sorry you haven't been able to be yourself with them.” 

“I haven't dated anyone since I've been in,” Cas admitted. 

“How long have you been in?” Dean ran a thumb lightly over Cas’s cheek. 

Cas instinctively nuzzled the movement. “Seven years. I signed as soon as I turned eighteen.” Cas sighed. “We’ve only known each other a week and a half, and you know more about me than anyone does.” 

Dean dropped one hand but kept one on his cheek. “What about friends? Guy as charming as you certainly has friends.”

Cas shook his head. He didn't like talking about this so he got up. Dean cleaned up their dinner and joined Cas on the couch. He motioned for Cas to lean into him. 

“No public displays of affection while I'm in uniform,” Cas said. “It's not allowed for any soldier.” 

“That's dumb.” Dean held Cas with one arm around him. His head rested on Dean's chest as they were both stretched out on the couch. When it came time for sleep, Cas and Dean went to their separate rooms. 

Dean woke up when he heard Cas crying and screaming. It was unintelligible mumbling when he opened the door quietly. Cas was thrashing about in his bed again. Dean turned on the lamp on the night stand and lightly touched Cas where he could. 

Cas bolted upright, sweating and breathing hard. He was awake. He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. “S-sorry.” 

“Sh, it's okay. You're safe,” Dean murmured as he rubbed his back gently. Dean felt him calm down and removed his hand to leave. 

Cas caught his hand. “Stay with me?” he whispered. Dean nodded and climbed into the full-size bed beside him. He let Cas lay his head on his chest and wrapped an arm around the shivering man’s shoulders. 

“What does this to you?” Dean asked quietly. 

“Nightmares.” The reply was small, quiet, and weaker sounding that he’d heard Cas be. Cas was strong. He was tough as nails. He was a soldier. But something had happened that he had been holding back. Now, this demon was unleashing its fury on his sleep. 

Dean stroked his short hair. “I wish I could make them go away.” He kissed the top of his head lightly. Cas clung to him tightly.

Cas eventually drifted off, but his alarm went off at an ungodly hour. Dean hadn't slept since he'd woken to take care of Cas. He shook Cas lightly. “Hey, you need to get up, hero,” he whispered in his ear. 

Cas groaned as he opened his eyes. Then he blushed realizing Dean was only in his boxers and in bed with him. “So much for taking it slow?” he said hesitantly. 

“You don't remember asking me to stay? You had a nightmare. I was afraid you would hurt yourself so I woke you up,” Dean explained patiently. 

“Oh, I'm sorry,” he muttered and sat up. “Did you sleep?” 

Dean shook his head. “I've got all day though. What causes your nightmares? This isn't the first time.” 

Cas got up and began to dress. He used the bathroom first and brushed his teeth. He was focused and meticulous. Dean watched him get ready with a hunger in him to see more. 

“Tell me about the nightmares sometime?” Dean asked as Cas pulled on two faded olive green socks. 

“Dean, it's not...I can't...I don't know if I can,” he fumbled for words. 

Dean understood. It might be classified information in which case Cas could never talk about it to anyone without the proper clearance. 

When Cas was finished dressing and had tugged on his boots, Dean stood, hoping the dark room would keep his boxers shadowed. “You look great,” he said. 

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Really?” He sounded doubtful. “Are you sure you don't need the car today? I know you want a job.”

“Need a job,” he corrected Cas. “I'll be fine. Take the car. But first.” He wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist and leaned into him. “You're gonna do great.” He kissed Cas who hesitated slightly at first. 

Cas held the back of his neck as they continued kissing. He could feel what Dean was trying to hide even through the thick pants he was wearing. Dean pulled back even though he wanted more. “You can't be late,” he whispered. “Go, hero.”


	4. Chapter 4

“What the fuck?!” Cas could hear her frustrated scream from down the hall. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” 

He approached the room and saw that the blonde soldier was livid. “Hanscum, everything alright?” he asked. 

“No! These morons forgot to book me a hotel! I drive four hours to get here!” She was pacing and throwing her hands around wildly. 

“Come stay with me. We can take separate cars so it doesn't look like we’re breaking rules,” Cas spoke quietly. 

She calmed down and stopped moving as much. She shut the door behind Cas. “You know what will happen if we get caught.”

Cas shrugged. “It's not like we’re sleeping together. Besides, I don't mind and I'm pretty good at keeping secrets.”

“What about your roommate? He won't mind?”

Cas shook his head. He knew Dean would be okay with it. Cas and Dean had been living there for several months. “He works a lot anyway.” 

“Okay,” she breathed more evenly. “As long as I'm not imposing.” 

“You're not, Hanscum. I wouldn't have offered if it was an imposition.” Cas found a paper and pen and scribbled the address down. “Park in the guest spots.” 

That night Dean came in from work covered in grease. “Don't you look like a ray of sunshine,” Cas said slyly. He'd gotten home just a few minutes before Dean and was still in his uniform minus the boots. 

“It was a long day,” he sighed heavily. He sniffed. “I need a shower.” 

Cas stopped him before he could move. He stood in front of him. “Two things. First, kind of hot seeing you all dirty like this. Second, a friend of mine from the unit is gonna crash with us this weekend. They didn't book her a hotel room, and it's too far for her to drive home.”

“I love that you have such a good heart, but what do we tell her about us? What does she know?” Dean was worried and started fidgeting again. He fidgeted any time he got worried, nervous, or scared. 

Cas took his filthy hands in his. “Hanscum’s alright. She can be trusted.” 

Dean didn't look convinced and it showed. “How can you be sure? I don't want you to get hurt because of me.” 

There was a knock on the door. “That's her. Go get cleaned up. I’ll fix dinner.” He pecked him lightly on the lips. 

He waited until he heard the shower start up before opening the door. “Novak, you are a godsend. I can't believe those fucking idiots didn't file my paperwork. I requested this weeks ago. They know I live more than a hundred miles away, and they know they are required to book me a hotel!” She vented and paced about. 

“My roommate is in the shower. Did you eat dinner?” he asked as he made his way to the kitchen. 

“Nah, got released same time as you, but I went and sat in a fast food parking lot until I thought enough time had passed no one would see me come over here,” she explained. “I don't get why the Army thinks anything between men and women can't just be platonic. I know you're not interested in me. You're cute and all, but you're not my type. Too skinny,” she scoffed. “And no ass.” 

That was the moment Dean chose to come into the room. “Um, what?” he asked. “I feel like I came in on the wrong part of that.”

“Hanscum, Dean. Dean, Hans…”

“Donna,” she interrupted Cas. “Lighten up, Novak. First names exist in the real world. Most people use them.”

“What's for dinner, Cas?” Dean asked trying desperately to ease the awkward tension. 

“Chicken,” came the dull reply. 

Dean noticed Donna checked him out. He made sure he wasn't paying her too much attention. He absentmindedly found himself staring at Cas’s ass. 

“So, Novak, is your family coming to family day next BA?” Donna broke the silence. 

“Negative, not on speaking terms with them,” he brushed it off. 

Dean was surprised Cas even said that much. He still couldn't get it out him what really happened. Dean thought it might have something to do with Cas’s nightmares. 

“What about you? You going to come?” She turned on Dean. 

“To what?” He hated being on the spot. 

“Family day. It's next month during drill,” she said brightly. 

“I'm not family. Just the roommate,” he said unsure of where this conversation was going. 

“Oh, please.” She reached over and smacked Dean's ass. He jumped and stared at her in surprise. The look in her eyes challenged him to say something. 

“Cas, I'm not hungry.” He stormed out of the kitchen and slammed their bedroom door. 

“Dammit, Hanscum,” Cas muttered and pushed past her. He went to their room and found the door locked. He spoke quietly through the door. “Dean, she didn't mean anything by it. Please come eat.”

“I'm not hungry,” he repeated. 

“Open the door.” Cas twisted the knob again. “Dean.” 

He heard the lock click and opened the door. Dean looked horrible. He was shaking and breathing erratically. Cas crouched next to him. “Hey, baby, what is it? Do you want me to book a hotel for her?” 

He shook his head. “She can stay. I...I'm overreacting,” he breathed. “J-just overreacting.” 

Cas held him and ran his fingers through his hair. He felt Dean shake as if he were crying. “What's wrong, baby? Tell me how to help you,” he said softly. 

Dean pulled back up and looked into his boyfriend's eyes. He took a deep, steadying breath. “I'm just overreacting.” 

“Will you eat dinner?” Dean nodded. “Will you be okay?” 

Dean sighed. “I don't know. O-only if she doesn't touch me again,” he stammered.

Cas nodded and returned to the kitchen. Dean returned a few moments later after he made it look like he hadn't cried. 

Donna approached Cas. “Did I do or say something?” She asked in a low voice. “I can get a hotel, Novak. It's not a problem.” 

“Just don't touch him again. I don't know what happened, but it wasn't good.” Cas focused on the food as it was almost done. 

Dean had moved to the living room and was trying to focus on the tv. He didn't notice when Donna joined him on the other end of the couch. “If you break his heart, I’ll break you. Novak is a good man,” she said quietly. 

Dean looked at her in shock. “How? Did he?”

She shook her head. “You were staring at his ass pretty hard, and then he nearly burnt the food to look after you. It's not that hard to tell when people are in love.” Dean noticed a ghost of her past haunted her face. She nodded. “Divorced.” 

“Don't tell anyone. I don't want him to get hurt,” he pleaded. “Especially, not because of me.” 

“He's my brother in arms, Dean. We protect each other.” She nodded curtly. Cas brought them plates of food. 

He sat close to Dean but they weren't touching. Dean moved closer to him. Cas looked wary. “She knows. Hanscum’s good,” he approved of Cas’s friend. 

“You two got chummy in the last five minutes?” he sounded surprised. 

“With my charm? He couldn't resist,” Donna teased. 

“Hanscum,” Cas began. 

“Yeah, already got the speech. Chill, Novak. It's not a big deal.” She shoveled food in her mouth gracelessly. 

Dean only ate half of what was on his plate. He pushed the rest around pretending to still be interested. Donna and Cas did all the talking, mostly about their weekend at the unit. 

“So you're coming to family day, right, Dean?” she asked.

“It depends on work. Probably not,” he mumbled. 

She held a hand to her ear. “What's that? You’ll be there? Great! I can't wait.” Dean rolled his eyes. “You should come,” she said. “It's a good way to figure out what it is he does and meet the people around him. There's even a support group for the families.”

Dean shook his head. “I'm not family.” 

Donna understood he wasn't ready to be part of this world. He had one foot in and one foot out. He was ready to run when it got bad. Cas cleaned up dinner. Donna closed in on Dean. “Don't leave him if you're scared. If you leave him, it better be because you don't love him. If that's the case, leave before he falls in love with you. I won't stand to see him hurting.” 

Dean firmly met her glare. “I do love him,” he whispered. “Haven't told him yet.” 

She checked him over. “You're afraid he’ll leave you. You're afraid he doesn't love you back. Dean, he does. No one drops the spoon on the floor and nearly the food to take off after someone who is upset if they don't love that person.” Her eyes became compassionate. “I'm sorry if I hurt you or anything.” 

Dean nodded. She hugged him and he froze for a moment but hugged her back. Cas saw them. He looked confused. “Hanscum, you can take the extra room.” 

Dean watched Cas dart toward their bedroom. “Go. Take care of him. But I better not hear you guys fucking.” She smiled. “I don't want that image in my head.”

“Cas?” Dean slowly opened the door. Cas was sitting on the edge of the bed gripping it hard enough his knuckles were white. 

“I’ll take the couch,” he said in a low almost growl. 

Dean kneeled in front of him. “Cas, it was just a hug. She wanted to make sure I wasn't going to break your heart.” Cas didn't look at him. “She even threatened me.”

Cas turned his head to look at Dean. “She did?” He nodded. “Why?”

“You're her brother, Cas, her friend. Friends do that for each other,” he said softly. “You would do it for her. I know you would.” Dean reached up slowly to his hand. “You're cute when you're jealous,” he smiled. 

Cas frowned. “What happened when she slapped your ass? The truth, Dean.” 

“Flashback,” his voice was soft and scared. “When I was younger, Dad had someone to babysit us. Sammy was so little he doesn't even know. Dad never knew nor did he care to know. But the babysitter, she…” he took a ragged breath. 

Cas came off the bed and wrapped his arms around his lover. “Oh, baby, I'm so sorry,” he whispered in his ear. 

“She molested me every time she was over there. She never touched Sam. I wouldn't let her. He was so little.” Tears ran down his face. “I was glad when dad thought I was old enough to watch Sam.” 

“How long?” Cas held him tightly. He wished he could take away Dean's pain. 

“A year,” he shook. 

Cas held him and kissed his cheek. “My nightmares have always been around. It's not the war,” he said softly. “It's my sister.” 

“Did she touch you? I'll kill her,” Dean was instantly angry. 

“You can't. She's dead.” Cas sat back against the bed. “She never hurt me. She never hurt anyone. But everyone hurt her. She couldn't take it anymore. She stole my father's gun. I saw it happen. I saw her end her life.”

Dean wasn't sure what to say. He couldn't say anything. He held Cas’s hand. 

“My family blames me, everyone except Gabriel. Why didn't I stop her? Why didn't I talk her out of it? Why did I see it happen?” he sighed. “Michael, my oldest brother, thinks I shot her.” 

“Why would he think that? You wouldn't hurt anyone, except the enemy,” he added hastily. 

“He thinks I wanted her dead.” He looked at Dean. “I loved my sister. She hid her pain, much like you do. I'm glad you told me.” 

“What does Gabriel think?” he asked. 

“Gabriel was younger. He thinks I tried to stop her, which I did. He thinks Anna was just in too much pain. At least he thought that when I left.” Cas wiped his face. “I haven't seen any of them in seven years.” 

“Would you like to see them again?” Dean knew how he felt if he could see Sam again. He missed his brother. “I’d give anything to Sam again.” His voice cracked. 

“It doesn't get easier. You just get distracted.” Cas stood. “We should get some sleep.”

Dean groaned as he got off the floor. He realized Cas was still in his uniform for the most part. He'd taken the jacket off to cook. He was still wearing the tan shirt and camouflage pants. “Come here,” Dean wrapped his arms around his waist. “You want to know what I told Donna?” Cas nodded. “I told her that I love you. I do, Cas.”

His breath caught and he couldn't speak. Cas tried to form words, but nothing came out. Dean smiled. “Speechless, hero?” Cas nodded. Dean kissed him. “I mean it, Cas.” 

Cas regained some mobility and kissed Dean. He wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled them both backwards onto the bed. Dean ran his hands over Cas’s chest. He tugged at the shirt, but their lips kept attacking each other hungrily. 

Dean kissed his neck and Cas rolled his hips up with a moan. “Sh, don't wake Donna. Can you be quiet?” Cas nodded and pulled him back down for more. He bit Dean's lower lip eliciting a tiny moan. 

Dean explored with his hands. He wasn't shy this time like he had been all these months. Cas knew him now, really knew him. He dug his dull fingers into Cas’s back. Cas bucked hard and tore Dean's shirt off in one swift move. “I’ll buy you another one,” he whispered in a husky voice. 

Dean pushed him back against the mattress, kissing him hard. He slowly slid his hand down the tan t-shirt and lifted the dog tags. He removed the chain from around his neck and put them on himself. 

“Hot,” Cas whispered. Dean got off him and searched the floor quickly. He found what he wanted and put it on. “Oh, baby,” Cas moaned. Dean approached the bed again, now wearing Cas’s uniform jacket. Cas undid Dean's pants easily. He slowly lowered the pants, leaving the boxers. “Are you sure about this? I can wait, Dean.” 

Dean pushed him back on the bed. “I’ll stop you if it's too much,” he said. He paused staring into the blue eyes beneath him. “Cas,” he breathed. 

“What? What's wrong?” he was worried. 

“I don't want to keep you up, but...I want to fuck you so bad,” he said. “We can wait one more night.” 

Cas kissed him, and Dean caved hungrily. “Nope, now. Fuck me now, Cas,” he begged. “I need you.” 

Cas slipped his hand into Dean's boxers and gripped him firmly. Dean bit back a moan, trying to be quiet. He began to undo the camouflage pants only to realize there was a lot of buttons. “They really don't want you to get laid,” he said frustrated. 

Cas smiled and tugged on him harder. This made Dean struggle with the pants more. “Oh, Cas, don't. I'm close, and I want you,” he panted. 

Cas ignored him and kissed him hard. He put his free hand behind his neck and kept moving his hand. “Cas,” he grunted. He came in his hand and boxers. “What about you?” He breathed hard. Cas smiled and shoved Dean's hand down his own pants. Dean felt a large wet spot on his lover's boxers. 

“I hate those pants,” Dean murmured. “Pain in the ass to get off.” 

Cas held him close before deciding they needed to change. “We should do that again when we don't have to be quiet.” He grabbed Dean's ass and kissed him. “You're okay, right?” He was concerned given the information about Dean's past he’d learned that night.

“More than okay,” he smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey, I thought you told me it was an all male unit. How come Donna is in it?” Dean asked after the drill weekend was over. 

Cas was resting on the couch. He'd had a rough day. “Oh, I did say that. My old unit overseas was a combat unit. Combat units can't have women in them,” he said. 

“Why?” Dean was confused and thought it sounded sexist. 

He leaned forward a little. “Well, if women were allowed in combat units, then they’d be eligible for the draft. It's the only thing that keeps them from having to register when they turn eighteen. They can volunteer for any other kind of unit. I'm in a horizontal unit now, not a combat unit.” He rubbed his face, eyes landing on Dean. “Have you been eating?” 

Dean smiled. “Don't worry about me. You can tell me what kind of unit that is later. Babe, you look like you're about to fall off the couch. Go to bed and get some sleep.” 

Cas stumbled around like a zombie. Dean saw this and ran to help him. “Hey, I got you, hero,” he said as he caught him under the arms. “What did they do to you today?” 

“I'm okay, Dean.” Cas tried to push himself off of Dean and walk towards the bed, but Dean wouldn't leave him. “I'm fine.” 

“Babe, what happened?” Dean asked as Cas crashed onto the bed. He still wore his boots. 

“We got smoked. It's not a big deal,” Cas muttered. His eyes were already closed. 

Dean silently took his boots and socks off. He removed the jacket but left the t-shirt and pants. Cas began thrashing a few moments later. He was muttering this time. “No, no,” he said clearly. 

Dean climbed in the bed and held him. “I've got you. It's okay,” he whispered into Cas’s hair. Cas woke up with tears in his eyes. “You're okay. It's okay, baby.” 

“No, it's not. It's not right I'm doing this to you. It's not right that she died. It's just not,” Cas’s voice shook. “Dean, I can't keep doing this to you.” 

“Baby, you're not doing anything to me. You watched something I could never imagine happen, and it affected you deeply. It's going to stick with you for a long time,” Dean spoke softly. “So am I. I plan on being around for a long time, Cas.” 

“Sometimes I wonder how I passed the psychological evaluation for the Army. This can't be normal.” Cas shook his head. 

Dean held his hand. “Seeing your sister die isn't normal either. We’re way past normal, Cas, both of us.” He looked over at Cas. “Don't leave me if you're afraid. If you leave me, and I hope you never do, it should be because you don't love me.” He echoed Donna’s words. 

He almost laughed. “You sound like Hanscum.”

“Well, she might have said something similar to me about you.” He blushed. 

“After all this time, I can still make you blush?” Cas put a hand on his face. “I don't know why you spoke to me at that bus station, but I'm glad you did.” 

“We should read more. I know you like it,” Dean suggested. “You liked reading The Hobbit to me on the bus.” 

“You should read them. You might stay awake long enough to know what it's about.” Cas smiled. 

“I heard the whole story,” Dean sounded offended. “The bunch of dwarves and the gold and a dragon. There was a wizard. I still don't know what a hobbit is, but there was a magic ring.” 

“Which one is Bilbo?” Cas asked. 

“He's the hobbit thing and has the magic disappearing ring. He's the hero of the story,” Dean replied without really thinking. 

“So you were listening,” Cas murmured. 

“It was hard not to. I like the sound of your voice,” Dean admitted.

Cas took a deep breath and saw their fingers were intertwined. “Read to me?” he requested. “Any book is fine.” 

“When have you had time to buy books? I noticed they started showing up.” Dean stood and went to the small shelf in their room. He carefully selected a book. 

He read to Cas until Cas fell asleep again. They decided to make it a nightly thing and take turns reading to each other. Cas slept better when they read to each other. 

The next drill weekend came and Cas had talked Dean into going to the family day event. “How will I get there? You need the car.” 

“You’ll have to come with me.” Dean's face dropped. “You can sleep in the car until time for you to be there?” Cas suggested. 

Dean shook his head. “No, I'll go, but I'm not sleeping in the car.” He grumbled about the ungodly hour at which Cas had to be at the unit. 

He kept his word and went with Cas to his unit. Dean hid in a corner of an empty room when Cas had to be at formation. He was surprised when someone walked in the room and flicked the light on. 

“Dean?” It was Donna. She smiled brightly. “I'm glad you came!” She approached and hugged him tightly. 

“Donna,” Dean rubbed his face. “It's good to see you, but I thought hugs are a no go when you guys are in uniform?” 

“Yeah, well, I don't give a shit. They can smoke me later if they catch me.” She sighed. “How are you?” 

“He liked your advice,” Dean smirked. “And I took it.” 

Her eyes lit up brightly. “That's great, sweetie! You make him happy even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes.” She glanced around before speaking in a hushed tone. “Is something going on? He looks better than I've ever seen him.” 

“He's sleeping better.” Dean caught a look on her face. “Not like that, Donna,” he scolded. “He has nightmares. We’ve been working on it.” 

“Oh shit, what time is it? I'm supposed to meet the new transfer. He was allowed to be late because of where he was coming from. Family stuff starts in an hour, and someone told me you like burgers.” She winked on her way out. 

He wandered around for an hour and bumped into people. When he was asked, he would say he was the supportive roommate or best friend for Novak. 

The family day events began and Dean clung to the walls as best as he could. He didn't want to make any impression that he and Cas were a thing. He was allowed to eat lunch with Cas. 

“What time do you get released today?” Dean asked. He lowered his voice and added, “I hate this, pretending.” 

“They said 1600, uh, four, sorry. Hanscum said she saw you,” he said trying hard to keep his poker face. 

“Don't do that. You look constipated. Yeah, I talked to her for a minute. She had some new guy she was supposed to meet.” Dean took a big bite of his burger. 

Dean tried not to mingle with the other families. When he was asked why he was still hanging around, he replied, “Novak is my ride home.” 

Once Cas was released for the day, he met up with Dean. As they were walking out someone came up behind them. “Castiel?” 

Cas froze. Dean saw him turn whiter than white. He saw Cas clench his fists. “Castiel Novak?” the other soldier asked. 

Cas slowly turned on his heels. He breathed strangely. “Gabriel?” The soldier nodded. “Why are you here?” 

Gabriel looked nervous and shuffled his feet. “What's it look like? I joined up.” 

“Why the hell did you do that?” Cas tried to sound angry. “You know what they to did to me.” 

“They can kiss my ass too for kicking you out of the family,” Gabriel said hotly. “I joined up as soon as I turned eighteen.” He worse a scowl daring Cas to tell him he messed up. “I've been trying to find you.” 

“Why?” Cas didn't sound mad anymore. He sounded hurt. 

Gabriel looked surprised by the question. “You're my brother, Cas, not those other two pricks we share blood with.” 

Cas stared at the floor. He closed his eyes for a moment. “How did you find me?” 

“The truth or what I've been telling people?” Dean didn't like that. Gabriel watched his brother’s face. “Truth. I slept with a high ranking officer who got me the information and put in my request for a transfer.” 

Cas shook his head. “Need a place to stay?” he asked. He glanced at Dean who gave a small nod. 

“They have me in a hotel for a couple days,but I figured I could find a place around here.” He shrugged. 

Dean rolled his eyes. “That was his way of asking if you’d like to stay with us,” he finally spoke. 

“And you are?” Gabriel looked at Dean carefully. He raised an eyebrow and glanced at his brother. 

“We need to take this elsewhere,” Cas said firmly.


	6. Chapter 6

The car ride back to the apartment was quiet. Gabe had his own car and was following them. “Want to talk about it?” Dean asked tentatively. 

“Nope,” Cas was short. 

“What will you tell him about us?” He fidgeted. “Can we trust him?” 

“I don't know.” Cas was distant. He had let Dean drive. He was too unfocused to drive. 

“Cas?” Cas heard Dean and responded with a strong shake of the head as if he was not in the car previously. “Did you hear me?” Cas shook his head. “Want me to get something for dinner and let you two catch up?” Cas nodded. 

They parked and Dean took Cas’s hand. “Try to be reasonable. He's your brother, and I know you missed him.” Dean glanced around and didn't see Gabe. He kissed Cas lightly. “I love you.” 

Cas met Gabe and they went upstairs to the apartment. Cas wasn't sure what to say. “I didn't want you to be like me, Gabe.” 

Gabe shifted. “Cas, you didn't just leave the family.” He looked down. “You left me too.” 

“I had to leave. You had a better shot without me around. Why? Why did you join up?” Cas was a little angry. “You never went active duty, did you? Please say you didn't.” He swallowed hard. 

“I can't say that.” Gabriel tried not to look like he broke his brother's heart. “I joined to look for you. Then I fell in love with it.” He smiled. “I really like being in the Army, Cas. It's better than being stuck at home with some boring job that would make me miserable.”

Cas realized they were still standing basically in the door. “Why did you really leave, Gabe? When I left, you wanted to do something else with your life. You wanted to help people.” He motioned to the couch. 

Gabe nodded and sat down. “Is he your boyfriend?” He looked up at Cas. His golden brown eyes twinkled. 

“Don't avoid my question.” Cas sat next to him. “Why did you really leave?” 

Gabe looked embarrassed. “Michael and Lucifer realized I was more like you than them. It wasn't pretty.” He was vague. 

“Yes,” he said quietly. “Dean is my boyfriend.” 

“He makes you happy?” Gabe asked. Cas nodded. “Do you love him?” Cas shrugged. “Does he love you?” 

Cas nodded. “You know it's not safe for anyone in the Army to know about us. Hanscum knows, but she's a good friend.” 

Gabe smirked. “I know what you mean, bro. You do realize most high ranking officers are men, right?” He laughed when his brother looked appalled. 

“I can't believe you did that. You could have been subject to a court martial,” Cas scolded. 

“That would mean he’d have to admit he enjoyed it and consented and ruin his own career.” Gabe looked pleased with himself. “That's why you date slightly older men.” He winked. 

Dean walked in with food and Cas left up to help him. “Is he in the loop or do I need to take the couch?” Dean asked quietly. 

“He's been caught up.” Cas smiled. “What did you get? It smells good.” 

Dean was quiet during dinner. He was sizing up Gabriel. He tried not to be jealous that Cas got his brother back. He tried to quell the ache in his heart. He excused himself early and hid in their room. 

Cas knocked on the door lightly and opened it. “What's wrong?” 

Dean was gripping the bed hard. “It's nothing. You should spend time with your brother,” he said not looking at him. 

“You miss him, Sam.” It wasn't a question. It was a fact. “I'm sorry, Dean.” He thought for a moment. “Gabe found me. What if we looked for Sam? He's eighteen now, right?” 

Dean looked up with a tear trying to escape his eye. He shook his head. “He's seventeen,” his voice cracked. “I hope he's alright.” 

“Have you thought about taking a trip back to see him?” Cas asked. 

Dean paled. “I-I can't. You know I can't.” 

Cas nodded and sat beside him. “I know, but there are ways to see Sam. We’ll find a way.” 

“Go hang out with Gabriel. I’ll be okay.”


	7. Chapter 7

Cas grinned when he slammed the door behind him, startling Dean. “Babe, what time is it?” Dean couldn't believe Cas was home. 

“I know it's early, but I got some time off work, and I know you have a few days off too. Let's take a trip,” he smiled. He grabbed his hands and spun them around. 

“You're in a good mood.” Cas kissed him. “A really good mood.” 

Cas nodded. Gabe piped up. “I'm gonna go out. Don't wait up.” He gave Cas a sly wink and made a filthy gesture with his mouth and hand. 

Cas shook his head. “Let's take a trip,” he said again, putting his arms around Dean's neck. “You've been working so much lately. Please?” 

“Where are we going?” Dean couldn't say no to his blue eyed love. Cas grinned and it was contagious. Dean smiled too. 

“It's a surprise.” His eyes twinkled. “Confession, I talked your boss into letting you have a few days off,” he blushed as he spoke. 

“Can no one resist your charms?” Dean teased. “What should I pack?” 

Cas twisted up his mouth. “I’ll pack for you.” He ran off to the bedroom. 

Dean loved seeing Cas so excited. He was also glad Gabe gave them some space. He’d been living with them for a few months now. 

“You sure you want to leave Gabe by himself here?” Dean poked his head in the room. 

“Yes, no. What do you think? Should we bring him?” 

“Do you want us to have any alone time?” Dean asked. He sneaked up behind Cas and snaked his arms around his waist. “Did you?” he said, tickling Cas’s ear with his breath. “It's really sexy when you're all excited like this.” 

Cas shivered at his words. “I want to hit the road.” Dean nibbled his ear and kissed his neck. “I want...to hit...the road.” He struggled with the words because Dean's hands had moved lower, and Dean pressed up against him, rocking his hips lightly. “We could leave in the morning,” Cas breathed. 

Cas turned around and kissed him hard. “I love you,” he said breathlessly. 

Dean’s smile grew. “That's the first time you've said it.” He took in the moment before kissing him again. “Cas,” he moaned against the other. 

Cas pushed him against the wall. Their mouths slotted perfectly against each other. Dean parted his mouth further and let his tongue wander. Cas reciprocated and moaned. He pressed against Dean. Dean slid his hands down and gripped his ass firmly, eliciting a loud moan. 

Cas slipped his hands beneath Dean's shirt and slid them up. He slowly raised the shirt above his head. “Wear my ACU jacket?” he whispered, planting a kiss on his neck. 

Dean gripped his ass firmly again and lifted him up. Cas placed his hands on the bare shoulders for support. Dean walked them over to the bed and unceremoniously dropped Cas onto the mattress. Cas looked a little shocked. 

Dean went to the closet and got the Army uniform jacket. He slipped into it and returned from the walk-in closet without pants. Cas sat and stared with his mouth hanging open. Dean slowly made his way to the bed. “Like what you see, hero?” he asked. His voice was husky and made Cas shiver. 

“Oh, baby, you're hot.” Cas was in front of Dean seemingly without moving. He slid his hands down the back of Dean's boxers. Dean fumbled with Cas’s belt. Cas let him undo the button and zipper of his pants before twisting and landing Dean on his back on the bed. 

Dean still hesitated a lot when they had sex, but Cas knew how to tell when to slow down and when he could ravish him. Dean wasn't giving off signals to slow down. Cas leaned forward and kissed his torso moving down with each kiss. 

Dean moaned. “Fuck,” he breathed. Cas shimmied the rest of the way out of his pants to reveal a slightly damp pair of boxers. He freed Dean of his underwear and slowly teased him with his tongue. Dean gripped the sheets. “Fuck.” His hips moved on their own as Cas wrapped his mouth around the throbbing head. Cas let Dean move his hips for a few quick thrusts. Dean held his head in place as he did. Then Cas began bobbing his head up and down along the shaft. He moved agonizingly slowly but took as much of it in as he could. Dean moaned each time his lover's head went down. 

Cas slid a wet finger into Dean's entrance. Dean bucked and moaned and held the sheets tightly. “Oh, Cas!” he called. Cas knew he needed to move quickly. He slipped in another finger and stretched and scissored. Quickly, a third finger loosened Dean up enough, and Cas replaced the fingers with his cock. Dean hadn't realized when Cas lost his boxers.

Dean gasped as Cas rolled his hips forward, crashing into Dean. Cas held Dean's hips firmly and moved a little faster. Dean's moans became louder. Cas thrust harder and breathed heavily. He leaned forward and kissed Dean. “You're so fucking hot in my uniform,” he said with almost a growl in his voice. He bit Dean's neck gently eliciting an excited moan. Dean rocked his hips back against Cas. 

“Oh, fuck me, Cas. Fuck me good.” Dean dug his dull fingernails into Cas’s back and scratched downward. Cas moved faster and harder. “Cas!” Dean almost yelled out. He grabbed his lover’s head and held tightly as he felt him come inside him, causing him to achieve a lengthy orgasm. 

Cas wasted no time in cleaning them up despite Dean trying to kiss him every time their faces were near each other. Cas crawled in bed and Dean held him. “You have no idea how good you are.” 

Cas glanced up at him. “So tell me?” he smiled. 

“Are you really sure you’ve only had a few experiences before me? Because you get better each time and continually blow me away.” Dean was clearly amazed. 

Cas frowned. “You know I have. Between my family and the Army, it's been hard to find someone. I'm glad I found you.” 

“So how do you keep blowing my mind?” Dean couldn't think of better words. 

“I read.” Cas shrugged. “You’d be surprised what they allow on the bookshelves of stores.” This made Dean laugh.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean couldn't get Cas to give up where they were going for their trip. Cas wouldn't give him any clues either. 

“For the last time,” he smiled, “It's a surprise.” 

Dean pouted which normally worked when he wanted to get his way. “The face won't work this time,” Cas informed him. “Why don't you ever talk about your mother?” he switched topics. 

Dean slumped in his seat a little. “Old habit, I guess. I was four when she died, and Sam was only a baby. Dad had a strict rule about not talking about mom. He claimed it was because he didn't want it to mess with Sam's head, but I knew it was because he couldn't handle losing her.” He fidgeted with the zipper of his leather jacket. 

“She died young. Was it an accident?” Cas glanced over at Dean. 

He took a deep breath. “No. She was murdered. Dad doesn't know I know the truth. He told Sam it was a car accident because it was easier for him to accept.” 

“How did you find out the truth?” he inquired. 

“When I was sixteen, no, fifteen, Dad was really, really drunk one night and said ‘No, not Mary’ and lifted his arm as if trying to stop someone.” He ran a hand through his hair. “When I thought it might not have been an accident, I went to the sheriff's department. The sheriff was really nice and spoke with me about mom’s case. She said the killer had never been caught.” 

“What do you think happened?” he asked. 

Dean looked out the window. “I think Bobby and dad or Bobby or dad found the killer and killed him. They both got twitchy when I asked questions.” 

“Does Sam know the truth?” Cas was careful anytime he mentioned Sam. He knew it upset Dean to talk about his brother.

“No, I couldn't bring myself to tell him. He never questioned Dad’s lie. Cas, why didn't you ever go back for Gabe?” Dean watched him carefully, taking in every tiny movement he made. 

“Michael and Lucifer are my older brothers. They said if I left and stayed away that Gabriel would be okay. They wouldn't hurt him,” Cas said slowly as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. 

“Did they hurt you?” Dean wanted to make all of his pain go away. He wanted to help Cas. 

“Not in a physical sense. Mostly they took it out on Anna, verbally. Anna defended me.” He was sad but not upset and crying like he would normally be when talking about his sister. “She would have loved you.” 

“You asked me about the scars on my chest and back once.” Dean’s voice was almost a whisper. “If it wasn't dad, it was the babysitter. She had a penchant for putting her cigarettes out on skin. Dad was an angry and violent drunk.” 

Cas took a hand from the wheel and held Dean's. “We’ve both been through horrible things.” 

Dean fell asleep holding Cas’s hand. Cas hummed an old tune he’d heard once at a USO event. Dean woke up a few hours later. 

“We there yet?” he yawned. 

“Not yet, should be soon though.” Cas hummed the tune again, not realizing he was. 

“What song is that? I've never heard it.” Dean asked. 

Cas blushed. “I didn't realize I was humming. Sorry.”

“It's okay. What was it?” he asked again. He hated it when Cas apologized for being himself. He figured it had something to do with how his older brothers had always treated him. 

“I heard it overseas. Candy and cake, candy and cake, my candy and cake. My love’s as sweet a treat as eating candy and cake. Sugar and spice, and everything nice, but kissing him once ain't near as nice as kissing him twice, kissing him thrice,” Cas sang softly. 

Dean kissed the back of his hand. Cas sang again. “Oh, I could be smart. Oh, I could be wise. But when he rolls those roly poly, jellybean eyes, I shiver and shake. My heart would just break, if some other love should rob me of my candy and cake.” 

Dean smiled. “Roly poly, jellybean eyes? Really?” 

Cas was quiet. “It's about leaving for war and hoping your love stays faithful, hoping you don't get a ‘Dear John’ letter.” 

“I would wait for you.” Dean lost his smile. He knew Cas had insecurities about their relationship. He knew that was why it took almost a year for Cas to tell him he loved him. 

“Don't promise that. Life is...you never know what will happen, Dean,” he said quietly. “Just don't promise that.” 

He studied Cas for a moment. “What do you know?”

“My unit is next to be shipped out,” he said reluctantly. “I don't want Gabe to go. I’ll be fine, but he should get out. He has to renew his papers next month. Help me talk him out of it?” Cas pleaded.

“You know we can't do that. He loves being in the Army. I don't think a civilian job would suit him anyway.” Dean sighed when Cas glanced at him. “I’ll mention it. I love how dedicated you are, to him and to the Army.” 

Dean's face went white and he felt sick when he saw the sign for the city limits. “Cas?” 

“Are you okay?” he was concerned. Cas pulled over. “Baby, you're white as a sheet.” 

“Are we...in Kansas?” he asked between heavy breaths. 

“Yes, Toto,” he joked lightly. 

Dean opened the door and hurled. Cas ran to his side of the car. “I can't...I can't...be here.” His breathing was erratic and ragged. Bile rose in his throat again, and he heaved. He had nothing left in his stomach since they hadn't stopped for food in a few hours. 

Cas put a hand on Dean. “I'm sorry. I didn't think you would be upset.” 

“He’ll kill me, Cas,” Dean whispered. “Dad will kill me.” 

Cas heard fear like he'd never heard before in Dean's voice. He'd heard young soldiers overseas who were afraid, but none of them had this level of fear. 

“I can't be here,” he whispered again. His throat was raw. He looked up at Cas with tears in his eyes. “Why did you do this?” 

Cas kept his hand on him and tried not to get vomit on his shoes. “I know you miss Sam. You love your brother more than anything in the world. You need him. And he needs you.” 

“I can't be caught in town. Dad,” his voice shook. His hands shook. “He’ll hurt Sam.” 

“Then we take Sam with us,” Cas said softly. “He would be safe with us.” 

He shook his head. “Dad is an ex-Marine and former CIA. He's terrifying even when he's plastered.” 

Cas got Dean to sit up a little and helped him get his breathing more even so he wouldn't keep dry heaving. “Breathe with me.” Cas pulled him out of the car, and they sat on a patch of grass that wasn't covered in vomit. Cas held them chest to chest. “Breathe,” he said calmly. When Dean's breathing evened out, he spoke quietly again. “Anxiety is not a weakness, Dean. Fear is normal.” 

Dean didn't respond to that. “What happened to you overseas?” He needed to pretend he wasn't there. He needed a distraction, an escape. He wished he had one of Cas’s books. 

Cas saw the need. He nodded. “My unit was sent out to dismantle IEDs. The enemy had set them too close together, and one triggered a chain reaction.” Dean grabbed his hand. “I survived because a friend of mine, Balthazar, covered me with his body.” Cas was clearly haunted by this. “Only five of us survived.” His voice was hard the entire time he spoke. He was deadened to what had happened. 

“That's why you thrash in your sleep. It's not Anna. Oh, Cas,” he said quietly, wrapping his arms around his love. “Did Balthazar?”

Cas shook his head. “He died in the hospital in Germany. I stayed with him.” 

“If dad sees us, he’ll try to kill us, both of us,” Dean said. He held Cas’s face between his palms. “Stay out of town. I don't want anything to happen to you.” 

Cas lifted his shirt to reveal a concealed gun in a holster inside his pants. “My license is good here. I’d like to see him try to hurt you,” Cas said coldly.


	9. Chapter 9

The door jingled and shut behind two patrons as they walked in. Sam didn't look up from his book right away. He was absently wiping the counter with a rag, but he kept moving it in the same spot. 

Cas murmured to something to Dean and slipped away quietly. Sam put his book down and before looking up asked, “Can I help you find something?” He looked up and thought he was seeing a ghost. “Dean?” 

Dean's mouth twitched up a little. “Hiya, Sammy.” 

Sam ran around the counter and tackled his brother, wrapping him in a hug so tight he couldn't breathe. “Air,” he gasped. 

Sam pulled back with large tears in his eyes. “Where have you been? Why did you leave? Why didn't you come back? Why do you smell like puke?” Sam couldn't contain himself. 

Dean glanced around. “Is there somewhere we can talk that's maybe more private?” He looked nervous and began fidgeting with his jacket. 

Sam took him to the break room in the back of the store. “Hey, Garth, cover for me!” he shouted. Sam hugged his brother again. 

“You got big,” Dean said nervously. 

“You've been gone a year, Dean. I thought you were dead. I couldn't find you anywhere,” Sam struggled to keep his eyes in check. 

Dean saw a huge purple bruise on Sam's arm. He was instantly angry. “Who did that to you?” 

“I play sports, Dean. Injuries happen.” Sam frowned. Dean glared at him. Sam caved. “Dad was drunk. He fell down the stairs and onto me.” Dean kept glaring. “I'm not changing my story.” 

“You don't play sports. You hated it when dad tried to get you to play anything. Dad used to beat the shit out of me, and now he's using you as his punching bag. Want to change your story now?” 

Sam's mouth fell open. “He hit you?” Dean nodded. “How did I not know?” 

Dean stared at the wall. “He was good about making sure it would stay covered. He can't know we’ve seen each other. Why does he hit you?” 

Sam smirked. “He knows I'm leaving in May and he can't stop me. I’ll be eighteen then.” 

“Not buying it. Try again,” Dean demanded. 

Sam looked down at the table. “He saw me kiss a guy. It was just a stupid dare.” He sounded frustrated. “He knew I was dating Ruby at the time.” 

Dean was ashamed. “It's my fault. Sammy, I'm sorry.” Dean couldn't look his brother in the eyes. 

“How? You weren't here, Dean,” Sam replied softly. 

“I left because dad threw me out for being gay,” he said slowly. 

Sam didn't look shocked. “So? Who cares if you like guys? Fuck dad!” 

“Sam, you still live with him,” Dean started. 

Sam shook his head. “No, I live with Bobby. I moved in with him a week ago.” 

“Oh,” he wasn't sure what else to say. 

Sam watched his brother. “Bobby misses you. Dad told him you ran away, but I don't think he ever bought that. If you had run away, you would have gone to Bobby’s. Where did you go?” 

“Chicago then Nevada,” he said vaguely. “Bobby doesn't miss me,” he denied it. 

“Come have dinner with us tonight.” Sam saw a look on Dean's face and his own face fell. “You're not staying.” 

“I have a life in Nevada,” he said. There was a small silence. “Did you like kissing that guy?” He was hesitant to ask, but then he saw his brother blush a deep shade of red. “You did,” Dean smiled. 

“M-maybe,” he stammered. “Dean, don't leave. Please?” 

Dean stood. “Come here. I want you to meet someone.” Dean walked to the fantasy section of the bookstore and saw Cas was sprawled out on the floor, nose deep in a book. “Cas?” 

Cas looked up. “Hang on, let me finish this chapter,” he said quickly returning to the book. 

Sam was behind Dean and couldn't see. “Cas, this is Sam,” Dean tried again. He stepped out of the way. 

Cas sat up and stood quickly, dropping the book. Cas held out a hand. “Sam, this is my boyfriend, Castiel,” Dean introduced. Sam grabbed Cas in a hug. “He brought me here to see you.” Dean's eyes met his boyfriend's. 

Cas saw a twinkle return to Dean's eyes that he hadn't seen in a long time. Cas smiled. “He needed a break from work,” Cas shrugged. “I figured this would make a decent Christmas present.” 

“For who? Me or him?” Sam asked. “Because really, best Christmas ever.” 

“Shall I go check us into a hotel?” Cas asked Dean. “You can stay with Sam and I'll get you later.” 

Sam shook his head. “No, you're both going to stay at Bobby’s. Not up for argument, Dean. I gotta get back to work, but I'm done in an hour. Go see Bobby.” Sam hugged Dean again. 

Dean sat in the car quietly. Cas was watching him. “Dad’s been hitting Sam,” he said sadly. “It's all my fault.” 

“No, it's not. Your father kicked you out. He threatened your life. Sam is a tough kid, stubborn like you,” Cas said as he ran a hand through Dean's hair. 

Dean gave Cas directions to Bobby’s once Cas refused to take them to a hotel. Bobby heard the car pull up and came out to the porch. “Sam, it's too early for you to be…” The older man stopped his fussing and stared at Dean. “Dean,” he breathed. He practically jumped from the porch onto Dean. 

He wrapped his arms around the older man. “It's good to see you, Bobby,” he said. 

“I knew you’d come back.” He had a tear in his eye. “John told me you bailed. I didn't believe him. You wouldn't bail on Sam.” 

“This is Cas,” he introduced. “Where's dad?” 

“Probably in the ditch at the liquor store. It's four in the afternoon, so yeah, there,” he shrugged. “You boys come on in. I'll get you a beer.” 

Cas came up behind Dean and whispered, “Are you going to tell him?” 

Dean looked at Cas. “I don't know if I can. He still loves dad.” 

Cas squeezed his hand lightly. “He needs to know.” 

They went inside and sat in the living room with Bobby. “Why did you leave?” Bobby started hard. “Why didn't you come here when he kicked you out?” 

Dean's hands shook. “It's complicated, Bobby.” 

“Well, uncomplicate it,” the older man retorted. 

Dean put his beer down and clasped his hands together tightly. He stared at the floor. “Dad’s been beating me since I was little.” He took a shaky breath. It was easier to tell Cas. Cas would never judge him. Cas had his own demons. “Because...because I'm gay.” He waited with baited breath for the fallout. 

Bobby glanced at Cas then back to Dean. “So?” 

Dean's hand shook, and he tried to breathe right. “He’ll kill me if he sees me here. I gotta go.” He bolted for the door. 

Cas followed him. Dean was trying to get in the car, but it was locked and Cas had the keys. “Leaving won't help you,” he said quietly. He put his hand on Dean's back and rubbed in small circles. “I won't let your father hurt you.” Cas turned Dean around. “Breathe with me.” 

Dean searched Cas’s blue eyes. “I'm scared,” he whispered. 

“I know. But I'm your hero. I'll keep you safe, baby,” Cas whispered in return. “Let's go back inside.” 

Bobby was loading a shotgun when they walked back in. Dean froze and began to panic. “I’d like to see John try.” He cocked the gun. “He sets foot on my land and he's a dead man.” He put the gun down and hugged Dean. “He's not going to hurt either of my boys.” 

Dean nodded. He stayed quiet for awhile and vaguely heard Cas tell him to go lie down. He moved like a zombie throughout the house and found a room he used to sleep in. 

Cas followed him and returned to the kitchen to see Bobby cooking dinner. “He was afraid to come see you. He thought you hated him,” Cas said. 

Bobby turned around. “I could never hate that boy, or Sam. I'm not like their daddy.” He stepped toward Cas. “But if you break his heart, I will be your worst nightmare.” 

“Sir, I doubt that.” Cas was standing at ease. It was a habit. 

“How many tours? What branch?” Bobby asked. He knew the look of a military man. 

“Army, sir. Five tours, all voluntary.” Cas was acting like he was speaking to a superior. 

“Relax, kid.” He handed Cas a beer. “He responds to you. Has he seen Sam?” 

Cas nodded. “I took him to see Sam first. He missed him and would never admit how much it hurt him.” 

“You two are close,” Bobby pointed out. 

Sam walked in the door. “Good, you made him come.” He beamed at Cas. “Where is he?” 

“Sleeping, it's been a long day,” Cas said. 

“Is he gonna stay?” Sam asked with puppy dog eyes. 

“You should ask him,” Cas said. He hadn't thought about if Dean wanted to stay what that would mean for them. He had to return to Nevada for his unit. Dean had no such requirements. Cas focused on his beer. “I will have to go back home in a few days.” 

Sam glanced at Bobby who shrugged. “You could stay too.” 

“It's not a choice for me, Sam. My unit is out there, and I have to be there,” he smiled. “But thank you for the gesture.” 

Sam said he was going to check on Dean and disappeared. Bobby turned on Cas. “If he wants to stay here?” 

“I’ll leave quietly,” Cas nodded. “He needs his family. He can live without me.” 

Dean only heard Cas. “No, Cas.” There were tears in his tired eyes. He ran again.


	10. Chapter 10

Dean ran through the junkyard of cars Bobby had. Tears streamed down his face. He sought comfort near an old car he’d always admired. He had wanted to fix it up and make it run again when he lived in town. He saw a nearby tool box and began tinkering around with it. 

Cas found him a little while later, not being familiar with the area. He finally heard a noise and followed it. Dean was underneath the black Impala. “Dean,” Cas said. 

“What do you want?” he asked coldly. He stayed under the car. 

“Come out so we can talk,” Cas requested. 

“Why? You're just going to leave and not tell me.” Dean was unable to wipe his eyes. There was copious amounts of grease on his hands and clothes. He pulled himself out from under the car and dug around in the tool box. “You don't love me. So leave.” 

“You didn't hear what Bobby had said,” Cas sighed. “He asked me if you wanted to stay if I would be willing to let you go.” 

Dean stopped. “So you would just leave me? After everything?” He was hurt. 

“I would leave if I knew you would be happy here. I would let you be happy here because I love you,” Cas explained. “You don't need me, Dean. You need your family.” 

“Why can't I have both? Why can't I stay with you and just visit them?” Dean felt like his world was shattering. “I can't stay here as long as Dad is around.” 

“Stop hiding behind fear. What is it that you really want, Dean?” Cas stared down at him. 

Dean looked up at him and stood. “You. I can't imagine life without you.” He wiped his face as best as he could, but more grease spread across his face. “I wanted to find a better time and do this right.” He fished around in his pocket and bent to one knee. “I love you, Castiel Novak. Will you marry me?” He held up a small silver band. 

Cas was speechless. “Dean, w-we haven't t-talked about this.” He stared at the ring. 

“So? What do you say, hero?” he stood hoping to get the response he wanted. 

“I want to say yes, but what about the Army?” Cas was worried. 

“It doesn't have to be anytime soon. Just a promise you won't leave and neither will I.” Dean's heart thud fed loudly in his chest. “I spoke to you at the bus station because I thought you were beautiful and wanted to know if your voice was too.” He blushed. 

“Yes,” Cas whispered and kissed Dean. “I'm sorry you thought I wanted to leave. I never do.” 

Dean and Cas returned to the house hand in hand. Dean was filthy and Bobby knew which car he'd been under. “She any closer to running?” he asked and saw the silver ring on Cas’s hand. “You're shitting me.” 

Dean beamed. “I'm not staying, but I will...we will come back for visits.” 

“I’d hug you, but you need a shower.” Sam pointed to Dean's filthy clothes. 

During dinner, Sam told them he was going to college at Stanford. “That's in California?” Dean asked. “Bobby, are you okay with this?”

“Long as you two, three, knuckleheads visit from time to time, I'm fine with it. Visit me, not just each other.” He sounded grouchy, but it was just for show. 

“I could visit you guys in Nevada. I need to make a trip out there soon to visit the campus anyway,” Sam said excitedly.

Two days flew by quickly. Dean and Cas were putting their things back into the car to go home. Sam and Bobby were sad to see them leave but made them promise to keep in touch and visit. Sam hugged Dean tightly. “Can't breathe,” he wheezed. 

Sam stepped back. That was when a bullet punctured Dean's shoulder. Bobby shouted for Sam to get down. Cas was already on top of Dean covering him. Bobby went into his house and got his rifle. Cas scanned the area. He pointed to a hilltop on the opposite side of the road. Bobby found him. 

“John! You let this boy go!” he shouted. “I won't miss!” 

Sam stood in his line of sight. “Dad, don't do this!” 

“Sam, get down,” Bobby hissed. Cas tugged on his pants leg. 

Another bullet flew too close to Sam. “Stop it! Dad! He's your son!” Sam wasn't backing down. Neither was John. Another bullet grazed Sam's shoulder. He didn't flinch. “You want him dead? Kill me first! Mom would hate your guts right…” Sam fell to the ground. 

“Sam!” Dean shouted. “Sammy! No!” Bobby began firing at John who was now moving around. Bobby knew he was trying to get a better vantage point. 

Cas put pressure on Sam's wound. It got him in the upper abdomen, but he would bleed out if they didn't get help soon. Bobby fired again, “Got him.” 

Dean was frantic. Cas told him to sit against the car. “Bobby, 911. Now.” Cas spoke to Sam. “Sam, if you can hear me blink your eyes. Sam?” Cas was calm. 

Dean was freaking out so badly he was going into shock. He barely heard the ambulance arrive, followed by the cops. He heard Bobby yelling at the cops. He vaguely saw Sam being lifted onto a gurney and put in the ambulance. Cas stayed with Dean. 

“Gunshot wound to the shoulder. He's in shock,” he informed the paramedic. Soon, he was strapped to a gurney and also being loaded up. 

The paramedic asked him his name. “Uh, Dean,” he replied weakly. “Cas?”

“I'm right here.” Dean couldn't see him, but he could hear his voice and feel his hand on his. “I'm not leaving.”

Dean passed out. 

He woke up to the sounds of small beeps of machines. “I am his family!” he heard Cas roar in the hallway. “You will let me see my fiancé!” The door swung open violently. 

“Cas?” Dean asked shyly. “Is he dead? Is Sammy dead?” His voice trembled. 

“He's still in surgery. They're only talking to Bobby.” Cas ran his hand through Dean's hair. “I can't believe he did this,” he whispered. 

“He told me he would,” Dean replied softly. “Is dad dead?” 

Cas shook his head. “He's being treated and under police custody. He's going to jail.” 

Dean shook his head. “I want him dead.” He clenched his jaw. “I want him dead for Sam.” 

Cas looked at him sadly. “I shouldn't have brought you. You wouldn't be hurt, and Sam would be okay.” 

Dean reached for his hand with his good arm. “Don't say that. Baby, don't. You were right. I needed them, Sam and Bobby, just as much as I need you.”

Cas kissed his knuckles. “Bobby said he’d come get me when he hears anything new.” Cas took a look at Dean's chart. “You'll be okay, but you won't be able to work on cars for a while.” 

Dean groaned. “How long? And how do you know how to read that?”

“Balthazar was our medic. And at least a month or two. I'm sure your boss will understand. If not, I will talk to him.” Dean heard a slight hint of a threat. 

“Don't do that. I like my job and my boss is alright.” He sighed. “How long was I out?” 

“They got the bullet out pretty quickly. You were out for a couple hours. Sam will be out for awhile even if they get the bullet out of him quickly. He was hit just below the lungs.” Cas shook his head. “We need to talk about something different.” 

“Do you have a book?” Dean asked. Cas knew what he meant. He wanted to escape even if it was just for a little while. 

Cas said he'd be back. He had seen a gift shop and thought he saw books. Cas stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall. He was trying to collect himself. Seeing Dean hurt like that and knowing Sam might die was almost as bad as watching Anna die. 

Bobby came up. “He's out of surgery. The rest is up to him. Kid, you okay?” 

Cas tried to nod but shook his head. “I've seen people die, and it's nothing compared to this.” 

Bobby put a hand on his shoulder. “Because you love him. Watching those you love hurt like this it's worse than anything, even killing.” Cas looked at Bobby. “I know the look. I see it in the mirror.” Bobby rolled up a sleeve. The tattoo that showed told Cas that Bobby had been one of the Army’s most elite and secretive soldiers.

“Delta force,” he breathed. “Sir, does it ever get easier?” Bobby shook his head. “John isn't dead. So you did that on purpose?” 

“How do you think those boys would feel if their uncle killed their daddy? As much as they hate him right now, he's still their dad.” Bobby rubbed his beard. 

“If Sam dies, Dean won't have a dad. He wants him dead for hurting Sam,” he said quietly.


	11. Chapter 11

Cas read to Dean. He apologized a few times for the book selection. The hospital didn't have a good variety. “But this is a classic,” he said. 

“It sounds dumb,” Dean said with a small laugh. “It's barely in English.”

“It's a play, Dean. Shakespeare is classic. A Midsummer Night’s Dream is a good one. I like it, and I think you will too,” Cas tried to look stern. 

He read to Dean until Dean could no longer contain his laughter. “I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry. Please go on?” he tried to look serious. 

Cas picked up but only for a few moments. “So wait, wait, this Oberon is a fairy?” Cas nodded. “So he's married to Titania, but he's gay?” Cas frowned. 

“Not fairy as in a slur, but fairy as in the creature,” Cas explained patiently. 

“Okay, and Puck likes to fuck around?” Dean asked. 

“It makes sense in the end.” Cas continued reading. He was shortly interrupted by a knock on the door. “We’ll continue later.”

Bobby came in. “They said Sam will be okay. He's gotta stay here a few days, but he’ll be fine.”

Dean swung his legs over the bed and grabbed his IV stand. “I want to see him.” 

Bobby saw the hard look on his face. “They just put him in a room. Come on.” Cas gave Bobby a look and the older man shrugged. “He's as stubborn as his mother was.” 

Dean shuffled down the hall and followed Bobby. Cas stayed behind him just in case. Sam wasn't awake. Dean sat in the chair beside the bed. “Sam, he was after me,” he said quietly. Bobby and Cas stepped out of the room.

Sam stirred. “You should come visit me and Cas soon, when you get better.” He squeezed Sam’s hand. 

Sam opened his eyes. “Dean?” 

“Yeah, Sammy?” He wanted to smile, but he hated seeing Sam hurt. 

“Who do you think loves you more, me or Cas? I mean, I took a bullet for you,” he coughed when he laughed. “Ow.” He grabbed his stomach. 

Dean tousled his brother’s hair. “You're fine, bitch.”

“Jerk,” Sam smiled. 

Dean wouldn't leave until he got Bobby and Sam took promise to update him on Sam's condition every day. Cas drove them home. 

When they got home, Cas found a note written in a tiny familiar scrawl. “He moved out.” Cas sank down on the couch. 

“Call him?” Dean suggested. He’d realized in the car ride back that shrugging hurt. 

“Maybe later.” Cas took his things to their room. 

Dean leaned in the doorway. “He's not gone, Cas. He just needed his own place.” 

“Is this how he felt when I left?” Cas was quiet. His voice was barely a whisper. 

Dean knelt down in front of him. “You won't know unless you call him.” Dean paused. “Tell him you said yes. That nosy mook found me when I was buying the ring.” This made Cas almost smile. “Yeah, he gave me the brother talk. Same one I got from Donna.” 

Cas looked a little more at ease. “He knew you wanted to marry me?” Dean nodded. “He's giving us space.” 

“Well, you call him. I have to tell Donna we're back. Apparently, someone told her I got shot.” He fake glared at Cas who pretended to look innocent. 

Cas called Gabe who promised he would come over once a week. Dean was talking to Donna when Cas came in the room. 

“Donna, Donna, stop. Hey,” he saw Cas. He held up a finger to Cas. “Where are you? We’ll be there soon.” Dean hung up and faced Cas. “I know we just got back, but Donna needs us.” 

Dean explained how hysterical Donna had been on the phone. He couldn't even tell her they'd gotten engaged. They drove four hours to get to Donna’s house. 

It was after midnight when they arrived and Donna answered the door with tears in her eyes. “Who is he? I'll break his face,” Dean said as he wrapped her in a hug. Cas hugged her too. 

She shook her head. Dean held her. Cas looked in the kitchen and poured her a drink. She took it in her shaky hands, nearly spilling it. Dean looked at Cas. “Babe, can you give us a minute?” 

Cas nodded and stepped out of the house. Dean put his good arm around Donna. “You can tell us whatever it is. But I think I understand.” He lifted his shirt a little. “My babysitter did this when I was twelve. She did worse too.”

“He was nice...at first. I thought...I thought he’d be different than Doug,” she said with ragged breaths. “He was.” 

Dean brushed hair from her face. “File a report. Go to the police. Don't argue, Donna. We’ll take you.” She tried to stand but her legs were shaky. “Cas!” Dean called. 

Cas came back in worried. He saw Dean struggle to keep Donna on her feet. Cas caught her and held her up. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” she said quickly.

“Donna, you need a hospital and the police,” Dean said firmly. He wasn't going to let her attacker get away. 

Cas looked at Dean. He gave a small sad nod that he knew Cas would understand. “I agree, Hanscum. You should at least go to the hospital. You can't even stand right now.”

“I-I can't,” she started hyperventilating. 

“Breathe with me, Donna,” Cas said calmly. He was used to Dean's panic attacks. “Breathe.” 

Dean watched Cas and saw how he handled Donna. He knew that was the same way he helped Dean. It was strange to Dean to be a spectator. 

They managed to get her to agree to go to the hospital once she calmed so she could breathe. She had another panic attack while trying to explain to the nurse what had happened. Cas had to calm her again, and the nurse praised him for knowing how to handle it. 

“Gentlemen, please step outside so I can examine her,” the nurse requested. Dean and Cas hesitated but stepped out of the room. As soon as the door clicked shut, the nurse turned to Donna. “Honey, it wasn't one of them, was it?”

Donna looked horrified at the idea. “They're gay and together.” She didn't have the energy to be angry. 

Dean paced. He was worried. What was taking so long? Cas grabbed his hand. “You're going to walk a hole in the floor.”

“What are they doing? This is taking forever.” Dean was getting panicky. 

Calmly, Cas held both of his hands and pulled him so they were chest to chest. “She needs us both to be strong.” His eyes softened. “I love that you care so much about her.” 

“She's your sister. She's family. That's what family does,” Dean said quietly. “I'm scared for her. It happened to me so long ago, and I'm still a mess. What will happen to Donna?”

“She’ll be examined by nurse who will determine if a doctor is needed. If she chooses, Donna can press charges. Yes, we’ll be at every court date to support her,” Cas kissed him lightly on the cheek. He hadn't realized Dean had felt this way about Donna. “Like you said, she's family.” 

Dean looked at him sadly. “She was so upset I didn't feel right telling her our big news. We can wait a while. She needs time.”

“I agree.” Cas squeezed his hand lightly. His eyes lingered on Dean's. “I love how compassionate you are.” 

“Cas, it's not just compassion. I know what she's been through.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he leaned back against the wall. “It fucked me up so badly I couldn't even look at girls for a long time. I don't want that for her, to be scared to be touched by anyone, to fear falling in love. It's horrible.” 

“You were scared to fall for me?” he asked. 

“Petrified.”

Cas smiled. “Glad you worked through it. You're an amazing and tough man, Dean.” 

Dean rolled his eyes. “I'm not so sure I worked through it.” The door opened. “Is Donna okay?” He was grateful for the reappearance of the nurse. 

“I'm sorry, I can't discuss the medical issues with you. She's in there, but she won't talk,” the nurse informed. “She tried to at first.”

Dean smiled sadly at the nurse. “Thank you. Did she say if she wants to press charges?”

“Talk her into it, if you can. I think she should,” the nurse added in a whisper. “But medically, I can't advise.”

Cas nodded. He pushed the door open. “Let's go to the police. You're reporting this,” he said sternly. “I outrank you, Hanscum. Do it.” 

“Yes, Sergeant,” she said glumly. Her eyes begged Dean not to make her. 

He took her hands and spoke softly. “You really should. Think of how many girls he's hurt. You might not be the last one. You can stop him.”

“Did you stop yours?” She asked shakily. 

“No one believed me until Cas,” he replied honestly. “So I stopped trying. That's not you. We believe you. The hospital has proof. You’re the strongest woman I know.” He kissed her forehead. “What do you say?”

“Let's go to the police.” She was terrified when she filed the report. The police took her to the interrogation room, and Cas paced in the lobby. 

“She will be okay. Her military training kicked in on the car ride over,” Dean spoke. 

“The Army doesn't prepare you for this. It prepares you for battle.” Cas sounded frustrated. 

“It is battle, babe, just a different kind.” Dean absently scratched as his old scars. 

Cas sat beside him. “Will you be okay?”

“My injury,” he said carefully since they were in a police station. “My injury isn't what we need to focus on.”

Cas pursed his lips. “The doctor said…”

“The doctor can kiss my ass,” Dean interrupted. “Bobby should be calling with an update on Sam soon.”


	12. Chapter 12

Weeks went by, and Donna called them every few days to check in. Dean had trouble sleeping, and Cas couldn't tell if it was flashbacks of the babysitter or his father shooting him and Sam.

Sam finally got a chance to visit. He lifted his shirt.”Good as new,” he grinned. “It left a mark, but hey, whatever.”

Dean rolled his eyes as his brother grinned like an idiot. 

“Who’s the hottie with the body?” Gabe whispered to Cas in the kitchen. He was trying not to stare at Sam.

“Dean's brother. No, Gabriel. He's not legal or interested in men,” Cas hissed. He saw the look on Gabe's face. 

“He must be close to legal, right?” Gabe wondered out loud. 

“If Dean doesn't kill you for thinking about his brother, I might have to,” Cas threatened.

Gabe gave his brother a sly look that challenged his threat. With a wink, he slipped into the adjacent room, purposely bumping into Sam. “Oh sorry there, big guy,” he grinned. 

Sam looked confused. “Uh, it's okay. I'm Sam, Dean's brother.”

Dean glared at Gabe. “Don't even think about it, Gabe.”

“So you're Cas’s brother. You're in the Army too?” Sam asked excitedly. He thought it was cool that the brothers were in the same unit. 

Sam couldn't resist asking questions. Dean interrupted. “Gabe, we’ll see you next week?”

Sam smacked Dean on the arm. “Cas is making dinner. Don't be rude to Cas by asking his brother to leave.”

Gabe tried to hold back a smirk. “I’ll go wait in the living room. Cas is busy.” He tried to play it off. 

“That was mean, Dean. Cas can hangout with his brother too.” Sam glared at Dean. 

Dean put a hand to his head. “Oh, Sammy. Gabe was hitting on you.” Sam glanced over his shoulder at the guy on the couch. “Oh no, no, you're not eighteen yet.”

Sam gave Dean a defiant look that said he would do as he pleased. It pleased him that moment to piss his brother off by sitting right beside Gabe on the couch. 

“Just doing this to prove a point to my brother,” he muttered quietly to Gabe.

Gabe looked back at Dean and winked. Dean huffed and went to the kitchen. “Looks like it worked.” Gabe returned his focus to the tv. 

“If you live close by, why do you only come over once a week?” Sam asked. “I’d visit Dean a lot if he lived closer.”

Gabe shrugged. “Closer than where?”

“Kansas. I plan on visiting more once I go to Stanford. I'm just passing through to visit the campus this time,” he said easily. He’d been more comfortable with talking about going to college since the incident with his dad. 

Neither Dean or Cas had told Gabe that John shot both Dean and Sam. They knew Gabe's rage would get the better of him if he knew Cas had been in the line of fire. He would blame Dean. Cas decided it was best this remain a secret. 

Sam and Gabe talked about college for Sam and what he wanted to study. Gabe said, “You're such a nerd. It's kind of cute.” He froze for a second. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. You're just a kid.”

Sam frowned. “I hate being called that. You don't go through bad stuff and stay ‘just a kid’ very long.” He glared at the floor as if it hated him. “I'm not a kid.” 

“Bad stuff? For someone who loves to read as much as you claim, ‘bad stuff’ is bad vocabulary,” Gabe tried to lighten the mood.   
Sam crossed his arms and looked at Gabe. “Bad stuff’s happened to you too. It's why you cover everything with humor. Deep down, you know it's a lie. So you lie and laugh to keep face. How's that for a nerd?” 

Gabe's face was serious. “You should be careful what you say, Sam.” 

“Or what?” Sam challenged him. 

Gabe looked away forcing himself to resist what he wanted to do. “I can't stay for dinner.” He stood to leave but Sam blocked his path. 

“That would be rude to both of our brothers,” Sam said. In a softer tone he added, “I'm sorry.” 

“We’ve all got our demons, Sambo.” Gabe looked at the kitchen. “Cas has had it really hard. Dean makes him happy like I've never seen.” 

Sam reflected on what Dean had revealed to him just weeks prior. “Cas saved Dean.” Gabe looked back at Sam. “I'm glad he did.”

Gabe opened his mouth to ask a question, but he was interrupted by Cas announcing dinner. Cas stopped Gabe after Sam stepped into the kitchen. 

“Don't do it,” he pleaded softly. “Don't fall for Sam. You fall fast and hard every time and always get hurt. I won't watch it happen with my fiancé’s little brother.”

Gabe gave Cas a serious look. “Nothing to worry about. Remember? The unit ships out soon. Anything I do before I go is just a fling.”

Gabe sauntered into the kitchen. They all four sat at the small table and Gabe accidentally knocked knees with Sam. Sam blushed and tried to hide it. Dean and Cas seemed oblivious. 

Sam awkwardly kept trying to focus on his food, but everytime someone would speak he got nervous and dropped his fork a few times. “Sammy, you okay?” Dean asked noticing the odd behavior. 

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he brushed it off. Dinner finished, and Sam was relieved to leave the table. 

Dean and Cas cleaned up. Gabe approached him. “Why so jumpy, Sammykins?” 

Sam turned away so Gabe couldn't see how red his cheeks were. “It's nothing.” 

Gabe stared at his back. “Not buying it. Tell me.” He put a hand on Sam's elbow. “What is it you're hiding from your brother?”

Sam shook his head. Gabe handed Sam a piece of paper. “Whenever you want to talk to someone who isn't Dean or Cas,” he shrugged. “It's not like we can't be friends because our brothers are banging each other.”

Sam's eyes went wide. “Dude, not cool. It's different for them.”

“How so?” Gabe flopped onto the couch. 

Sam sat in the chair next to the couch. He didn't answer the question. He was lost in thought when Dean and Cas joined them. Dean snapped his fingers. “Earth to Sam. What time are you leaving for Stanford tomorrow?”

“Uh, my appointment is at one. So seven in the morning?” he said. “I think I'm gonna call it a night, guys. Cas, dinner was great.” 

He disappeared to the guest room. Dean turned on Gabe. “What did you say to him?”

Gabe shrugged. “He's been jumpy and spaced out all night. Is he always like that?” 

“No,” Dean said firmly. Dean went to check on Sam. He cracked the door after knocking lightly and not getting a response. 

Sam was in the bed pretending to be asleep. Dean knew what he looked like when he was doing this. He closed the door softly. “Sammy, you okay?” 

Sam shook his head. “I don't know.”

“It's okay if you don't want to go to Stanford.” Dean said thinking he might be nervous about school. “You could go to somewhere local.”

“It's not that,” he said quietly. “School is easy. This...this is different.”

“What is it then?” He saw his brother hesitate. “Sam, you can tell me anything. You always can. If you're not comfortable talking to me, I can get Cas.” 

He shook his head. Sam looked at Dean. “How...how did you know? I mean, how did you know you were into guys?” he stammered nervously. 

“Sam,” he started. He saw his brother’s face. “I was afraid of girls. It's not something I like talking about. Why do you ask?”

“It’s...it's nothing,” he stammered. “I don't know. I just keep thinking...I don't know.” He looked unsure of himself. 

“How did you feel when you kissed that boy? The dare?” Dean remembered Sam had told him about that. 

“Embarrassed, afraid, excited, nervous. It was just a stupid dare. Why is it stuck in my head like this?” Sam sat up, held his head in his hands, and leaned on his knees. “Ruby broke up with me not long after that.”

“Did she say why?” Dean asked. 

Sam nodded. “She told me I needed to figure out how I feel. I didn't want her to break up with me, but it made me think more.” 

“Think about what?” Dean wanted to know what it was like to discover a preference without a traumatic experience. 

“Cole.” Sam blushed. “He's straight, but…” His words trailed off. 

“You should talk to Cas. He figured out how he felt and who he liked when he was going through a tough time in his life. He’d be able to give you good advice. I'm probably not a good example to follow.” 

Sam looked at him curiously. “Why not?”

“I kind of fucked around a lot behind Dad’s back to see if I could get away with it.” Dean scratched his head and smiled. “Don't be like me, Sam. Sometimes it depends on the person.”

“Thanks, Dean. I think that helps,” he said. “I mean, I'm not even eighteen yet, so I've got time to figure this out, right?”

“Yeah, kid,” Dean said as he ruffled his brother's hair. “Get some sleep. You've got an early morning.”

Dean returned to the living room to see Gabe had left. He sat beside Cas. “Is Sam okay?” Cas asked. 

“He's curious about boys.” Dean wiped his face. “I didn't think this would be an issue. He always dated girls.”

“John can't hurt him now. Why are you worried?” Cas put a hand on his back lightly. “Gabe.” Dean nodded. “I told him not to do anything.”

“Me too. But if they want to be together, should we try to stop them?” Dean asked. “Would we have any right?”

“Sam is still under eighteen. Gabe is...he's in the Army. You’ve seen how guys in the Army are,” he said frustrated. “As much as I love my brother, I don't want to see him hurt Sam.” 

“So we just don't let them develop anything. Gabe can't be over when Sam is. No temptation,” Dean said. Cas nodded in agreement.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam's visit to Stanford had him excited for the fall semester even though his final semester of high school was barely under way. “You should have seen the list of classes they offer!” he rambled excitedly. 

Dean was happy Sam found a college he loved. “Well, don't get so caught up in school that you forget us. And Bobby expects you home for the bigger breaks like holidays,” Dean reminded his brother. 

“I know. He won't let me forget.” Sam sighed. “High school sucks. College should be better, right?” 

Cas nodded and Dean shrugged. “You have a penchant for learning. You’ll do great,” Cas said. 

Sam left a day or so later and promised the next visit would be longer. 

Dean turned to Cas. “February starts this week, Cas. What will you do?”

“I've given it a lot of thought, but I want to discuss it with you. It's not a decision I can make on my own now. Before you, it was easy. I would renew my contract without a second thought, but now, there's more to consider.” Cas had really put a lot of thought into his contract with the Army. “What would you like me to do?”

Dean scratched his head and ran his hand through his hair, a nervous tick. “I know it makes you happy. You like what you do there. I don't want to get in the way of that.”

“But?”

He sighed. “But part of me wants to be selfish and ask you not to renew it. Part of me is tired of hiding that we’re together. How long can I really be ‘the supportive roommate’ to your unit?” He shook his head. “At some point they will begin to suspect something, and I don't want to put you in any danger.”

Cas nodded. “I need you to understand that if I get out and we go to war, there's a chance I would get recalled.”

Dean tried not to look worried. He tried to hide how afraid he was that every time Cas left for drill that he would come home and say they were going to ship out the next time. He nodded. 

“Dean, this is just as much your decision as it is mine. You asked me to marry you. We do this together,” Cas reassured him. “What do you want me to do?”

Dean spoke quietly. “Don't leave me.” He took a breath trying to steady himself but it was shaky. He sat on the couch trying to steady himself. Cas joined him. “I'm afraid if you go overseas that you won't come home alive. I can't breathe when I think about you not being here.”

Cas held his hand. “Then I won't sign. I’ll get out, and we can build our lives together.” 

Dean smiled. “Only if it makes you happy. I don't want to be the reason you're not happy.”

“I wasn't happy for a long time, Dean. Then you came into my life and changed everything,” he replied. “Have you ever thought about kids?” he asked suddenly. 

“Uh, Cas, you know science doesn't exactly work in our favor on that?” Dean was taken aback by the question. 

Cas sighed happily and leaned into his fiancé. “I know, I meant adoption.”

“No, I never thought about it. I don't ever want to be like my father.” Dean shook his head. 

“I've seen you with Sam. I think you'd be a great dad,” Cas said lightly. “I didn't have an example to compare anything to, but I'm pretty sure anything is better than John Winchester.”

“You don't talk about your family. You didn't have a dad?” Dean asked. He ran his fingers through Cas’s short hair and found himself imagining it a little longer. 

“He left shortly after Gabriel was born. So, no, I didn't have a dad. Michael and Lucifer did for a while, but they're older.” Cas felt at peace. He didn't find this subject difficult to talk about with Dean. “Mom was always very sick. Michael and Lucifer took care of me, Anna, and Gabe. Anna looked after me and Gabriel when she was old enough to realize we needed someone better than Michael to take care of us.”

“What do you mean?”

Cas closed his eyes and felt Dean's fingers play in his hair. It was soothing. “Michael was harsh after mom died. He got custody of the three of us since he was in his late twenties.” He blinked his eyes lazily. “Lucifer was horrid. Anna was the best. She loved us. She...she was hurting.”

Dean wrapped his arms around his chest and held him close. “It's okay, baby. She's not hurting now. She's your guardian angel, looking out for you and Gabe. I bet she's why you survived your trip overseas.” Dean kissed the top of his head. 

“Trips,” he emphasized the “s.” “Five times.”

“Wow.” Dean was stunned. “She's my hero for keeping you safe.” 

Cas turned to face him. “I miss her.”

Dean nodded. “I know, baby. So how are we going to tell your other sister you won't be in her unit anymore?” He changed the subject so Cas would feel better. He hated how Cas got down and sometimes depressed when talking about Anna. 

“Hanscum will be fine,” he said.

“Donna will insist on you using her first name now. Because ‘people have first names in the real word, Novak,’” Dean sort of quoted Donna. 

Cas laughed. “You proposed to me. So do I take your name?” Cas felt his cheeks get warm. 

Dean kissed him. “Castiel Winchester? How does that sound?”

“Better than Dean Novak,” he wrinkled his nose and laughed. 

Telling Donna went better than expected. Telling Gabe was not what they'd expected. 

“You can't hang it up now! You're eight years in! Twelve more and you can retire. Think about the benefits,” he argued.

“What good will those benefits do me if I don't come home? I can't get married while I'm in. Dean wouldn't get anything if I don't come home because we won't be married, and even if we were, this is the Army. They don't exactly support gay marriage, Gabriel,” Cas said heatedly. “I have thought about the benefits. They suck for us.” 

“They should,” Gabe said with a frown. 

“That's something you should consider when you meet someone,” Cas advised. 

“Doesn't matter right now. Even if I met someone, I re-upped my contract. I owe four more years,” Gabe replied. 

“Be careful. Four years is a long time. Don't volunteer for unnecessary tours.” Cas wanted his brother to get out, but he knew Gabe was stubborn. 

Weeks went by and Cas got his separation packet. It took another month for him to be honorably discharged. Dean was relieved. 

Sam dug through his clothes one day and found a slip of paper with a phone number in a jacket he’d worn when he visited Stanford. He texted it. 

S: hey, it's sam. Figured you should have my number in case of emergency or something. 

G: what's up, sambo?

Sam smiled. He wasn't sure why he smiled at something so trivial. 

S: I dont know. Midterms are this week. 

G: You should study. Ace those bitches.

S: I already studied. Cas told me you signed up for another four years? 

G: yeah. I'm not smart enough for college. 

Sam continued to text Gabe about what he thought was nothing until Gabe asked a question. 

G: so why did you really text me? You've had my number for months now.

Sam tried to think of a good excuse. He couldn't. 

S: I'm not really sure. I don't know. I just need to not think as much as I have been lately. 

G: Is that why you disappeared that night at Cas’s? 

S: yeah, just got in my own head too much. 

G: I won't pry, but the same thing happened to my sister and no one knew. It was bad. Don't be alone in whatever it is. You have Cas and Dean and me, if you want me, I mean. 

S: Dean tried to help, but I don't think he gets it. 

G: what about Cas?

S: it's okay, Gabe. It's not a big deal. Is your sister okay?

Gabe didn't want to tell Sam over text. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell Sam yet about Anna. 

G: that's a long story I don't like to think about. If you want to talk about it, you can trust me. 

S: were you flirting with me when I was at their place? 

G: at first. They both told me not to think about it because you're underage. 

S: until may. They need to butt out. I'm not a kid anymore.

G: legally, you are. 

Sam wanted to throw his phone but knew he couldn't afford a new one if his broke. 

G: You can't be doing anything illegal if you want to study law, sam. 

S: I know. I'm trying to decide between that or librarian. 

Gabe had to control himself. He thought Sam would make a hot librarian. 

G: You like books like Cas does. Do that.

Sam texted Gabe frequently. When it came time for Sam to graduate, he texted Gabe. 

S: will you be here?

G: sorry, samshine, I can't. I got sent to desert training. We leave soon. Can't tell you when. 

S: okay, but you should visit our brothers before you go and tell me when you will. 

G: I don't think they’ll let me visit if you're there. Can't figure out why. 

S: might be my fault. I told Dean I wasn't sure if I liked guys, and he knew you had tried to hit on me.

G: You like guys? 

S: that was your take away? I don't really know if I do. I've only dated girls, but I kissed a guy. 

G: if you're still thinking about it, you liked it.   
S: it can't be that easy. Nothing is.

G: typically, no. But this is physical enjoyment. Listen to your body, what it wants and needs. Then fuck your brains out. 

Sam shook his head. He'd gotten used to how crude Gabe could be. He'd also gotten used to if Gabe was too serious for too long he'd switch suddenly to something sarcastic or corny. 

S: what if my head says one thing and my body says another?


	14. Chapter 14

Four years later.

Sam’s phone buzzed with a text. He checked it and smiled when he saw the name.

G: made it back. 

S: it's been too long since I've seen your name pop up on my phone. Where are you?

G: airport. 

S: why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I would have come got you.

G: our brothers are picking me up.

Cas glanced at Dean as he drove. “You know we can't keep them apart at the wedding right?” 

Dean sighed. “I know. I just...Sam is doing good in school. He's all set to go to grad school. I don't want him to let anything or anyone get in the way of that.”

“Maybe Gabe isn't even interested anymore? It has been four years since he's seen Sam,” Cas shrugged. 

“Yeah, you're right. Sam has been focused on school mostly. He did say he dated a little but never really talked much about that.” Dean relaxed. 

They got to the airport and Gabe was already there waiting on them. “You were supposed to tell us when you landed beforehand so we could be here,” Cas scolded. 

“So?” Gabe tossed his things into the trunk. 

Cas shook his head. Gabe texted someone almost constantly all the way back to their apartment. “Still in the same place?”

“Yeah.” Dean wanted to buy a house but hadn't gotten Cas completely on board yet. 

“Any major changes since I've been gone?” 

“The wedding is next week. I expect you to be on your best behavior, Gabe,” Cas warned. 

“Who me?” he gave Cas a coy smile. 

The wedding sneaked up on them. Sam stayed in a hotel. He claimed he didn't want to hear them after they got married. But Dean thought it was because he might bring a date. 

“Did he ever say if he was bringing a date?” he asked. “Your tie’s crooked, babe. You still can't get the hang of those.” He fixed the blue tie that matched his eyes. “Nervous?”

Cas nodded. “You wouldn't think I would be.”

Dean smiled. “I know, hero. It's easy to say ‘I love you’ in private. Today we do it the hard way.” He kissed Cas lightly. “You look amazing.” 

Cas blushed. “You clean up nice too.” 

“Ready?” Sam poked his head in. “Guys, come on.”

The wedding was flawless thanks to Sam's help with planning and attention to all the details. Dean only saw Cas. Cas noticed how many eyes were on them. 

The reception made them both more comfortable after the cake cutting. Dean had cake up his nose and had to excuse himself for a few minutes. He saw Sam near the bathroom.

“Thanks for everything, Sammy.” He grinned. “Including the hotel room for you.” Sam looked disgusted. “Think about that when you hit on someone tonight. You might be a college graduate, but I'm still your big brother.”

“Ugh, dammit, Dean. I need brain bleach,” Sam shook his head and walked off. 

Gabe found Sam who was still clearly uncomfortable. “Your brother or mine?” 

“Mine,” he said. “They won't like it if they see you,” he lowered his voice.

“What do I care? They can't keep us away forever, Sam.” Gabe tried not to stare at the giant next to him. “You got taller.”

“Us?” Sam was nervous. 

“Friends, remember?” Gabe sounded different when he said this. “I need some air.” He left the reception and found a quiet area in the shadows. 

Sam followed him. “Gabe?” He didn't respond. “Are you okay?” 

“I'm fine, Sam.” Gabe was sitting on the stone steps of the venue holding his knees to his chest. 

“No, you're not. Talk to me.” Sam sat next to him. 

Gabe glanced over at Sam. “Why?” 

“Maybe be a little more specific?” Sam was confused. 

“Why did you text me four years ago? Why do you talk to me?” he asked. 

Sam avoided eye contact. “I like you. You've been a great friend to me. I don't want to mess that up.” 

Gabe nodded. He leaned forward and kissed Sam. He got on his knees and leaned into Sam more. “You think too much, Samsquatch.” His golden brown eyes glinted in the dark. 

Sam kissed him back. “They're gonna be pissed,” he breathed. 

“Fuck them.” Gabe grabbed Sam's face and kissed him hard. “I've waited four years to do this.”

Sam paused. “Why didn't you say anything?” 

“Because I was afraid you’d leave because of the Army,” he answered honestly. “When you kept talking to me, I wasn't sure what to think.”

“You get the stuff I sent you?” Sam was smiling. 

Gabe smirked. “You mean all that candy and a teddy bear?” 

Sam laughed. “You did. Did you like it?”

Gabe nodded. “So how do we tell our brothers?”

“Just don't hide. They can figure it out on their own.” Sam shrugged. “Four years is a long time. Wait, you encouraged me to date people!”

Gabe was glad it was dark. His embarrassment showed on his cheeks. “I did. You deserved to be happy. Being with me, it's hard, Sam. The Army comes first.”

“You could get out like Cas did,” Sam said quietly. “If you want. I know you like it.” 

“I don't want to get out. Cas joined up out of spite. I joined because I wanted to find him and then I fell in love with it. It's who I'm meant to be.” Gabe realized more than ever how true his words were. “I get it if you don't want this life.”

Sam said, “No life is easy, Gabe. You won't get rid of me that easily.”

Gabe's breath hitched. “We should go back inside before one of them notices we’re both missing.” 

Dean cornered Sam as soon as he walked in the door. “Where were you? You missed Bobby’s toast. It was terrible.” 

“Bathroom. Not feeling great.” He hoped his brother would believe his lie. “Would you mind if I dip out early? Parties never really were my thing.” Dean excused his brother. 

S: I'm staying at the hotel. Want to come over?

G: we shouldn't leave at the same time. 

Sam sent Gabe the information for the hotel. Gabe came over an hour or so later and was a little drunk. “Heya, Sammy,” he smiled. 

Sam frowned. “Dude, this was not what I meant. Here, let me get you some coffee.” He turned his back to start the coffee pot. “I already set it up because I was going to study some.”

“You study too much. You need to have more fun. I can show you how,” he said suggestively. 

“You're drunk, Gabe.” Sam shook his head. 

“And you're hot,” he said plopping down on the bed. “I wanted to fuck you when I met you.” 

Sam dropped the paper cup he was holding. The coffee wasn't quite ready yet. “Gabe, please sit up and drink this.” He quickly poured a cup of water. “Coffee is almost done.”

Gabe drank the water. “Are you into kinky things, Sambo?” Gabe discarded the empty cup and slipped his hands around Sam's waist causing Sam to jump. 

“Uh, I, uh, G-gabe? What are doing?” Sam was nervous. “Uh, the coffee’s done.” 

Gabe kissed the back of Sam's neck which caused Sam to shiver. “Sam,” he pressed against the tall man. “Fuck me,” he fake whispered. He tried to pull Sam toward the bed. 

Sam stood firmly. “Gabe, no,” he said while he carefully poured the coffee. “Drink this, please.” 

“You're not fun when you're serious.” Gabe drank the coffee. 

“Are you hungry? I can order a pizza or something?” He said hastily. He sat far away from Gabe. 

The water and the coffee seemed to sober him up a little. “Sam?” he sounded different. “Are you sure you want to be with me?”

“Gabe, of course, I do.” Sam ran his hands through his hair. “You had too much to drink at the wedding.”

“Drunk sex is pretty great.” Gabe winked at Sam. 

Sam turned red. “How about pizza?” He fumbled with his phone. 

Gabe moved in front of him and touched him. “I'm sorry I made you nervous. I should go.” He moved toward the door. 

Sam grabbed his hand. “Stay,” he requested. “We can talk. I'm just not ready for anything physical yet.”

Gabe nodded and sat back down beside Sam. They talked until the pizza arrived and after they ate. They talked until the sun came up and told them they’d been awake all night. 

“You should get some sleep, Sam. You have to drive back to Kansas today,” Gabe gently reminded Sam. 

Sam made a face. “Bobby can wait one more day. You need sleep too. Where have you been staying since you got back?”

“With Mr. and Mr. Winchester.” He gestured dramatically. “I've been looking for a place, but I also know I will be sent to a new unit soon.” 

“Where?” Sam couldn't help but ask. 

“I don't know yet. I hope it's somewhere green. I'm sick of sand.” It was an offhand comment. 

“Come with me to Bobby’s. You could stay a few days there. I'm sure Bobby won't mind.” 

“Sam, as much as I would love to, I don't think we should do that yet. Bobby isn't my biggest fan.” Gabe was nervous now. “I shouldn't have kissed you.”

Sam looked worried. “You don't want to be with me?” 

“No, I do and I have wanted to for a long time, but we shouldn't. It's complicated.” Gabe turned away and internally kicked himself. 

Sam responded in a way that only made sense if he was the one speaking. “Biology and chemistry are complicated. Dating is easy. So why can't we be together?”

Gabe found it adorable the way Sam broke it down. “I shouldn't have kissed you because I like you and want you to have a good life. Good lives don't come to those in the service and they drag their families along with them. I don't want to be that guy.” 

“The families choose to stay with the soldier, Gabe.” Sam looked at Gabe. “No one makes me laugh like you do. I'm still sore from laughing all night.” He leaned over and hesitated before kissing Gabe. “I'm still working through the nerves,” he whispered. 

Gabe kissed him back and deepened it. “Nervous now?” Sam shook his head and Gabe met his lips again with a little hunger behind it. 

When Sam pulled back for a breath, he yawned. Gabe insisted he get sleep. Gabe cleaned up the room and packed Sam’s bag for him while Sam slept. He wanted Sam not to worry about anything and get to his uncle’s house on time. He woke Sam when he needed to leave. 

Sam continued to yawn and rub his eyes. “Sam, you okay to drive? I know it's several hours from here.” 

“I'm okay,” he said through a yawn. “Maybe I should call Bobby and tell him I’ll leave tomorrow.” 

Bobby reamed Sam telling him he shouldn't have stayed up all night. “Bobby, I'm fine. I just would like to spend another day with my brother and brother-in-law,” Sam lied. 

“My ass! You sneaked off with some guy at the wedding. Don't act like I didn't see you two.” Bobby wasn't happy with Sam. “Boy, I thought you were smarter than that.”

“So? If I did sneak off with a guy, so what?” Sam was starting to get angry. 

“That was your brother’s wedding. He expected you to give the toast, not me, you idjit.” Bobby added, “You're lucky I covered for your ass.”

“Thanks, Bobby. I’ll be home in two days.” Sam hung up. “It takes around twenty hours to get there. I usually drive from Stanford to here. Then drive about ten hours and stop for a night. He knows this.” 

“How are you feeling? Think you can drive that far?” Gabe asked. “Why don't you fly?” 

Sam shook his head. “Bobby maintains my car for me. He fixes anything it needs. I’ll be alright.”

“What was he yelling about?” Gabe was curious. 

“He's mad I missed giving a toast at the wedding. Dean thinks I wasn't feeling well.” He looked at his bag. It was packed. “Was Cas expecting you to give a toast?”

“No, we talked about that. It was best that no one at the wedding knew I'm his brother. We don't want it getting back to our other brothers that not only are we in contact but also that Cas married a man. Allowing me to be there was a courtesy so I could support him.” Gabe sighed and picked up Sam's bag. “You should get going if you think you're okay.” 

Sam was still sleepy and trying to fight it. He mumbled something about wishing Gabe would come with him. Gabe carried his bag for him.


	15. Chapter 15

“You didn't have to come along, Gabe,” Sam yawned at the end of the sentence. 

“You stumbled down the elevator, Samshine,” he remarked. “Completely adorable but I couldn't let you behind the wheel like that. Besides, I'm not expected anywhere anytime soon.” Gabe kept his eyes on the road even though he wanted to keep looking at Sam. “Let me know if you want to stop for a hotel or food or anything.” 

“Fine, but I could drive,” Sam tried to argue, but he wasn't feeling it. 

Gabe knew Sam would nod off soon since he wasn't talking to him anymore. It was like watching a little kid fight sleep, except Sam was a towering giant of a college grad. Gabe drove steadily with the music low so as not to wake Sam. 

They pulled up to the motel and checked in. Sam was still tired, but he wasn't as bad now. Gabe had let Sam drive for a few hours even though he wasn't tired. 

“Sorry, I asked for a double room, but the lady at the desk said they didn't have any. I can take the couch,” Sam offered. 

Gabe looked at the small piece of furniture. “Yeah because your ginormous body can fit on that tiny couch,” he said sarcastically. “No, I’ll take the couch.” 

Sam glanced at the large king sized bed. “Well…” he hesitated. “I know I said we should take it slow, but this bed is huge. I would feel bad if you slept on the couch after driving most of the day and for putting up with me,” he added scratching his head nervously. 

Gabe shrugged. “You're crazy adorable when you fight sleep. It's like watching a giant toddler.” This made Sam laugh nervously. “I'm fine with couch, Sam. I don't want make you uncomfortable. I did last night and I shouldn't have,” he apologized again. “It's been awhile since I dated,” he admitted. 

Sam looked a little shocked. “Really? You never sounded like it.”

“Flings are different. Flings are for satisfying a need.” Gabe felt awkward admitting this to Sam, but he’d known and trusted Sam for so long that he knew he could say anything. 

“What would happen if your brothers found out you and Cas are close again?” he changed the subject hoping it wouldn't be awkward. “You didn't really explain earlier.”

“Family is touchy topic.” His mouth twitched.   
“Same here. Bobby’s my uncle but not by blood.” He wasn't sure if he should talk about John. “My mother died when I was a baby.”

Gabe understood. “My mother died when I was young. Cas left when I was fourteen.” 

Sam could see it pained him to think about his family. “What happened? Why does it hurt you to think about them?” He spoke softly. 

Gabe shook his head. “We should eat and get some rest. You have a long drive ahead of you.” 

“Tell me sometime?” Sam asked. Gabe gave a non-committal response. “Your turn to order take out.” 

Gabe’s smile returned to his face. “We’re taking turns?”

“It's only fair since I ordered pizza last night.” 

Gabe ordered food and refused to let Sam pay. “But you put gas in my car, and you bought snacks,” Sam argued. 

“You don't like it when someone else wants to take care of you?” Gabe gave him a strange look, bordering on challenging. 

“I don't like being a burden.” He sat on the couch. “Dean didn't really get to be a kid because he was always taking care of me.” 

“Buying you food and going on a road trip isn't a burden. I'm in the Army. I can take a lot of shit, Sam.” Gabe sat beside him. “Buying you food is what a boyfriend does.”

The term of endearment sent a shiver down Sam's spine. They ate dinner and argued over sleeping arrangements once more before Gabe forced Sam into the large bed. 

He straddled him and leaned over his face with his arms propping him up. “Don't test me, Sammykins. I can stay like this until you fall asleep.” He saw Sam blush and a sly grin crept across his face. “You like it when I call you pet names.” He lowered his head so he could whisper in Sam's ear. “Sammykins.” 

Sam tried not to move, but he failed. His hips thrust upwards a little but not enough to hit Gabe. Gabe locked eyes with him and his breathing hitched. “Samshine.” Sam's eyes begged for more. Gabe let his arms drop and he crushed Sam's lips with his own. 

“Sambo, you really, really like the names,” Gabe said quietly. He could feel Sam through his pants. Sam nodded and kissed him again. 

Gabe teased Sam with his tongue flitting in and out. Sam returned the favor, and Gabe bit his lower lip gently. Sam slid his hands beneath Gabe's shirt and explored his waistline. He held his hips, and Gabe moaned softly. “Oh, Sammy, do that again.”

Sam rubbed his thumbs gently and slowly over the hip bones where they jutted out. Gabe moaned. He kissed Sam and went to explore his chest. Sam grabbed his hands suddenly. “My shirt stays on,” he said nervously. “Pants are fine, but-but my shirt stays on.” 

Gabe noticed the change in Sam. It wasn't a normal insecurity. It was fear. Gently, Gabe held Sam's face. “You can trust me, Sam. Trust me to take care of you and not hurt you,” he paused. “Unless you're into that, then we need to talk.” 

“I haven't done this without my shirt in a long time,” he was hesitant. “I don't know if...I-I cant.” Sam was unlike himself. 

“Sam, what happened? Why are you scared of me?” Gabe's eyes darkened. “Did someone hurt you?” Sam looked away. “Who?” 

Sam slowly lifted his shirt. “My dad shot me,” he whispered. “He was going to kill Cas and Dean. I didn't think he'd hurt me.” 

“Where is he?” Gabe kept calm. 

“Rotting in prison.” Sam couldn't make eye contact. “I-I’ve never told anyone this.” 

“You got shot protecting Dean?” he asked specifically, piecing the story together. Sam nodded. Gabe smiled. “You're truly one of a kind, my Samshine.” 

Sam met his gaze and took a deep breath. “It's not pretty.” 

Gabe kissed the scar. Sam shivered at his touch. “You're beautiful.” He removed the shirt. “Oh, and thank you for protecting my brother too.”

Sam's mouth twitched up at one corner. “He's the reason I'm still alive. I almost died. Dad had his aim set for Dean's height, not mine. So he missed my heart and lungs.” 

Gabe held Sam's head to his chest as he sat back on his haunches and pulled Sam up. “Family sucks sometimes,” he muttered into Sam's hair. “My sister committed suicide. My father bailed when I was too young to remember. Cas and Anna took care of me.”

“Your brothers didn't help?” The concept was foreign to Sam. His brother had done everything for him. 

“Financially, Michael took over mom's assets. Cas and I were both disowned by Michael and Lucifer when we joined the service. But I made sure to cash in a huge amount on my trust fund before they cut me off. One last middle finger to them,” he stuck out his tongue and held up his middle fingers on both hands. 

“Stick your tongue out again and see what I do,” Sam's tone changed to one laced with desire. 

Gabe teased him and stuck his tongue out again. Sam immediately kissed him and tongued his mouth. Gabe moaned. He enjoyed the foreplay. Gabe dug his dull fingernails into Sam's shoulders. Sam moaned and massaged Gabe's hips again. 

Gabe undid Sam's belt and slid it off. He wanted to drag this out and enjoy it. He kissed Sam's scar again. Sam closed his eyes. Gabe unbuttoned the pants and slid the zipper down. Sam groaned and rocked his hips slightly. “Gabe,” he breathed heavily. “Haven't done this before.” 

Gabe raised an eyebrow. “Male virgin? Or virgin virgin?”

“Male.” Sam's eyes widened when he looked down and saw Gabe's hard on through his boxers. “Your pants?” 

Gabe shrugged. “We don't have to do it. We can do other things, if you want.” Gabe was hesitant and sweet. In his mind though, he was already picturing how he would fuck Sam until he couldn't stand up straight or sit without thinking of him. “Sambo?” 

“Oh, Gabe, fuck me,” he moaned and rolled his hips up to grind against Gabe's. 

Gabe teased his way down Sam's chest with his lips. He slipped the damp boxers down and Sam lifted so he could rip them all the way off. He licked his way up the shaft and tightly wrapped his lips around the head. Sam gasped. Gabe sucked hard making Sam say his name and swear. He kept toying with the head with his tongue and took as much of Sam into his mouth as he could. Sam bucked. “Fuck, Gabe. Fuck me,” he begged. 

Gabe licked his fingers thoroughly. He glanced up at Sam who was watching. “I didn't bring lube.” Sam nodded. “Relax,” he said as he slipped a finger into Sam. 

Sam grabbed the sheets and swore. Gabe moved the finger around to stretch Sam out. When he felt the third finger nudge his prostate lightly, he almost came. Gabe crawled forward for a second. “Breathe.” Sam did as instructed. “Suck.” Gabe put his own cock at Sam's mouth. 

Sam held Gabe's ass for steadiness and moved back and forth keeping his lips tight. “Oh, Sammykins,” Gabe moaned. “You give...oh, oh, Samshine,” he broke into another moan as Sam picked up the pace. “Oh,” he tapped Sam's head. “I'm close, Sammy, and I want to fuck you.” 

Sam released him and laid back. He watched Gabe test his entrance and slide in. “Mmm, tight,” he moaned. He rocked his hips back and forth, moving fast and hard. He found Sam's prostate and hit it quickly so Sam would come. It took several hits and he was afraid he would come first. He fisted Sam's cock and matched his rhythm. 

“Fuck, Gabe, fuck me,” Sam begged for more. This encouraged Gabe to keep going. Sam climaxed hard with Gabe's name on his lips. Gabe came and it hit Sam's prostate again. “Oh,” he moaned. They were both breathless. 

Gabe leaned forward with a smirk. “I took your man-virginity.” He gave a cheesy grin. 

Sam was still breathing hard. “That was amazing.” Gabe cleaned them up and cuddled up beside Sam. 

“They shouldn't have kept you from me,” Gabe stroked Sam's hair. “I've waited four years for you,” he whispered. 

“Why?” Sam asked. 

“Because I fell for you,” Gabe replied. “You wrote to me while I was gone. No one else did.”

“If we had been together then, I probably would have asked you to quit,” Sam admitted. 

Gabe sighed. “Wouldn't have mattered. I had signed the papers a few days before I met you.” He paused. “Would you be mad if that was the case this time too?”

“No.” Sam laced his fingers with Gabe's. “You love it. I wouldn't keep you from that. I'm going to grad school in the fall. Maybe You’ll get a new unit close to me?” Sam was hopeful. 

“Maybe,” Gabe kissed him. “That would be nice.”

“Come with me to Bobby’s. You don't have to be anywhere yet, and I want to spend more time with you,” Sam blushed. “I-I mean our schedules are going to be crazy so we gotta take chances when we can, right?” He stammered nervously. 

Gabe hovered over him meeting his gaze. Sam turned a brighter shade of red. “You're fucking adorable, you know?” He kissed Sam. “Eh, let's piss off your uncle and my brothers.” Sam grinned.


	16. Chapter 16

“I found him. Yeah, he's standing on my front porch with your brother,” said Bobby with a grouchy tone. “Oh, no, Dean, I'm not getting in the middle of that.” He hung up on Dean. “Your brothers aren't happy.” 

“Who cares?” Gabe shrugged. Sam tried to suppress a laugh. “Cas always has his panties in a twist. Dean's just as bad.”

“Sorry, Bobby, I should have called and let you know.” Bobby frowned. “Oh, come on! Cas gets to surprise Dean and bring him to visit for the first time in a year, but I'm the one getting reamed for bringing someone over?”

Gabe gave Sam a curious look. Sam shook his head. “Bobby, I can stay at a motel. It's fine,” Gabe offered. 

“Nah, you're already here. I think some of Dean's old clothes might fit you. Spur of the moment can be a real bitch,” Bobby muttered. 

Bobby let them in the house and Gabe asked where the bathroom was. “Sam, are you sure about this?” 

“Which part?” Sam asked. 

“This is your brother-in-law’s brother. Plus, you've never dated a guy.” Sam gave him a not so innocent look. “Okay, not that you've told me. When did you start hiding things from me, boy?” 

“It just didn't seem important enough to tell you. It was college and I was figuring things out. I've known Gabe for a while, and it turns out we’ve both had feelings for each other for a long time,” Sam said. “You never questioned Dean, Bobby,” he added quietly.   
“Never had to. Dean never dated girls. I did interrogate Cas a little that first time. I didn't have to ask him anything else when I saw him jump on your brother to protect him. He was willing to die for Dean,” Bobby said seriously. 

Sam shook. “I told Gabe...about...about that.” 

Bobby spoke quietly. “What about the nightmares? That still happening?” 

Sam nodded weakly and then nodded toward the door. Gabe had just come through it. “Dean has terrible taste in clothes.” 

Sam almost smiled. “I hoped being with Cas would help him, but apparently your brother likes that garbage,” he remarked jokingly. 

“I need to make a beer run,” Bobby sighed. “Any requests while I'm out?” 

Sam shook his head and Gabe followed Bobby to the door. “Here, let me buy. It's the least I can do, sir.”

“Sonofabitch.” Bobby pulled Gabe out the door with him. “You're in the Army too?”

“Cas got out four years ago.” He saw the look on the old man’s face. “Yes, sir.” 

“Branch?”

“Special forces. I can't say anything more than that, sir.” Gabe was tough as nails. 

“Longer than regulation haircut and scruffy on the chin. I know exactly what you are.” Bobby rolled up his sleeve the same way he’d done for Cas. “Do not hurt my boy.” 

Gabe's eyes fell to the ground. “I don't want to.” He looked back up to meet the old man's gaze. “But you know the risks involved. I just want to make him happy while I can.” 

Bobby nodded and slapped him on the shoulder. He took the money Gabe held out and left to get beer. 

“What’d he say?” Sam looked worried. 

Gabe made a face. “He’ll kick my ass if he hears us.” Gabe stuck his tongue out. 

Sam relaxed and said, “Do that again and see what happens.” Gabe stuck his tongue out and was met with a kiss. “You're going to look so weird wearing my brother’s clothes. How long will you stay?” 

“I've gotta be at the new unit next week. But I'm all yours til then, if you want me.” Gabe wrapped his arms around Sam's waist. “Or until Bobby kicks me out,” he laughed.


	17. Chapter 17

Gabe hesitated in calling him. It'd been a few months since they'd started dating, but he was still worried. He called his brother instead. 

“Cas.” Cas could hear it in his voice. 

“When do you leave?” he asked calmly. “How long this time?”

Gabe choked on the words. “Um, it's classified. I gotta be at the base in two weeks, but ship date and length are classified.” 

“Have you told him yet?” Cas asked softly. He knew his brother loved Sam even if he was too stubborn to admit it. 

Gabe took a shaky breath. “How do I? He's going to want more answers than you and I can't give him that.” 

“Be with him. Be present, Gabriel, while you can.” Cas accepted that Sam and Gabe were together much easier than Dean had. 

Dean stared at Cas when he hung up the phone. “He's going to break Sam's heart.” 

“I hope not. Sam is good for him,” Cas admitted reluctantly. “He's been better and happy since he's been with Sam. I've never seen him happy.” 

“What about Sam? When Gabe leaves, Sam is going to be a wreck. I won't watch him break my brother’s heart,” Dean glared at his partner. 

Cas looked at him thoughtfully. “Think about it if it had been us when we first started dating. That first year, I could have been deployed. What would you have done?” 

He took a deep breath. “Waited for you. My biggest fear was you wouldn't return to me.” 

“Don't you think Sam might feel the same way?” Cas pointed out. 

Dean was frustrated. “Where did we go wrong? We tried to keep them apart because of this.” He held his head in his hands. 

“You and I both know we couldn't have stopped them. Baby, Sam will be fine,” Cas spoke calmly. 

Gabe called Sam. “Hey, what if I drove out there and spent a few days with you?”

Sam's heart flipped into his stomach. “Yeah?” He smiled. “I miss you,” he added. 

Gabe's heart hurt. “I miss you too, Sambear.” 

“You promised,” Sam said accusingly. “You promised not to do that on the phone anymore.” 

“How about I whisper them in your ear?” he teased. 

“When will you be here?” Sam asked eagerly. 

“I can catch a flight tonight and be there by morning, if that's okay with you. Do you have class on Fridays?” Gabe was nervous.   
“That sounds great. I can't wait to see you.” 

Sam excitedly made preparations in his apartment. He cleaned and tried to make it look like he hadn't been studying too hard. Grad school didn't have midterms like undergrad. He called his boss at the local bookstore and asked for a few days off. 

“Boy, it's about time you ask for time off. You do nothing but work and school. Have fun. Don't come back until Friday of next week,” he'd told him. 

Sam was ready for Gabe to get there. It had been over two months since they had seen each other. 

Gabe arrived early the next morning and Sam greeted him at the airport. “I missed you, Gabe.” He wrapped Gabe in a hug tightly. “How long can you stay?” 

“A week,” he answered. “It's kind of chilly here.”

“Yeah, well, you've been in Florida for awhile now.” Sam laughed. “Are you going to visit our brothers while you're here?” 

He shook his head. “No, I called Cas and told him I was going to visit you. He was okay with me not visiting this time.” 

Sam realized Gabe was too tense. “What's wrong? Gabe?”

Gabe looked up at his giant lover. “I’ll tell you over dinner, Sammy.” 

Sam's eyes went wide. “This is goodbye.” He began to breathe too fast. “No.”

“Sam, it's not goodbye. I'm not leaving you,” Gabe tried to reassure him. “I'm being sent overseas.” 

Sam held him tight. “I don't want you to go,” he murmured quietly. He loosened his grip. “But you have to. And I knew what I was getting into by dating you.” He nodded. 

Gabe took his face in his hands. “I came to see you so when I do have to go I have something to help bring me back home.” 

They returned to Sam's apartment and ate dinner in silence. Sam was lost in thought too much to ask questions. Finally, he broke the silence “Can I write to you?” 

Gabe smiled. “Please do. I can't tell you about the mission, not now or when I get back. It's classified.” Sam nodded. “You should know, no one comes back unchanged in some way.”

“I know.” Gabe looked at him weird. “After you left Bobby’s to go to Florida, I started doing research. Bobby helped some. He gave me some movies to watch. I found more on my own.”

“Movies aren't always accurate,” he pointed out. 

“I don't know. I could kind of relate to what the spouses were saying in some of them. I asked Dean. He wasn't much help.” Sam frowned. 

“Deano still doesn't like that I'm banging his baby brother?” Gabe joked lightly. “Speaking of which, I brought some things we could play with later.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively. “What do you think, Sambear?” 

Sam shivered when he heard the name. “Why wait?” he tried to play it cool, but he was thrilled to be physical with Gabe again. 

The tv was on in the living room and something caught their attention. Sam flew into the living room and turned the tv up. Gabe followed him slowly. 

“We’re just now getting reports that Russia has bombed an American base in Afghanistan…” The news anchor kept talking, but Sam didn't hear anything. He sank down on the couch. 

“Where are you going?” he whispered. 

Gabe knelt in front of him. “I can't tell you where. Sam, look at me. I'm not there right now. By the time I do get over there, things will be different. They could be better or worse. But none of that changes how I feel about you.” Gabe stared at his love. “Turn it off. Do me a favor. While I'm gone, don't watch the news?” He knew that was an impossible request. 

“Will Cas have to go too?” he asked. 

Gabe hugged him. “I love how selfless you are.” He kissed his forehead. “It's possible. Donna has to go too.” 

“I thought she was out,” he said. “Doesn't she have a kid now? Doesn't that excuse her?”

Gabe shook his head sadly. “No, the kid will have to be looked after by family.”

Gabe's phone rang. “Did you see?” It was Cas. 

“Yeah, how's Sam?” Cas asked. 

Gabe smiled at Sam. “Worried about you. Have you heard from Donna yet?” 

“No, I'm calling her next. We will be recalled.” He knew as well as his brother how serious this was. 

“How's Dean handling it?” he asked. 

“It's not good,” Cas answered. “Denial.”

“You don't have orders yet so he's right,” Gabe said. “Maybe they’ll miss you because you changed your name.”

Cas doubted it and said he needed to call Donna. He hung up. “Dean?” 

Dean was hugging his knees and rocking back and forth against the wall. “No, it's not happening. It's not,” he muttered to himself. 

Cas hummed a little tune as he rubbed Dean's back. “No fair. ‘Candy and Cake,’” Dean tried not to cry. “Not fair, babe.”

“Candy and cake, candy and cake, my candy and cake,” Cas sang softly as he continued to rub circles on Dean's back. “They will have to retrain me some so I won't be sent over right away.” 

“M-maybe you won't get orders,” he tried to hide his tears. 

Cas kissed the top of his head. “I need to call Donna.” 

“Those fuckers had better not send me back over! They better leave you the fuck alone too! We did our time dammit! Wasn't that enough?” she screeched into the phone.

“We knew this was a possibility, Donna,” Cas said calmly. “How’s the baby?”

“Oh fuck you, Cas, trying to calm me down. Jordy’s fine. He's six months old. He cries, eats, and poops,” she sounded frustrated but like she was calming down. “How is he handling the news?” 

“We should visit soon,” Cas said. 

“That well?” she asked. She knew Cas had meant Dean was freaking out. 

“Yeah, I've got a free afternoon Sunday, and Dean isn't working. Want us to bring dinner?” he asked.


	18. Chapter 18

Donna had gotten out after Cas and was one of the first to be recalled. She called him crying and asked him to take care of her son Jordan. “You guys are my family. He goes to you in my will,” she nodded firmly as she handed her baby over. 

Gabe had been gone for a few weeks and Sam wrote letters every day. He added Donna to his list when he got the news. He sent Gabe small packages of his favorite candy when he could. 

Dean was worried Cas would be next. He’d only been out of the service for five years and was still ripe for the taking. He tried to bury these feelings in alcohol. Cas noticed the new behavior and reminded him that he had always said he didn't want to be like John. 

“Your words, Dean, not mine,” Cas said. “Don't wake Jordy.”

Dean was pretty buzzed. “John gets out soon.”

“He doesn't know where we live,” Cas was patient with him. “I can't believe he didn't get a longer sentence.”

“They ruled it accidental for shooting Sammy. Cas, the draft is not likely, right? Please say Sammy won't have to go too?” Dean's fears came to the surface. 

Cas held him. “No, the draft is a long way away. Sam will be fine. He’ll finish school next year and get a good job.” Cas comforted him. 

“Sing ‘Candy and Cake’ for me?” he requested softly. “Please, hero?” 

Cas sang the song softly, and Dean fell asleep in his arms. He lifted Dean and carried him to bed. Then he sorted through the mail to see a letter from Donna. He smiled as he opened it. 

Cas,   
Don't let Dean see this and don't tell Sam. It's bad over here. Boys are going home in bags. It’s making me miss my baby. Tell him I love him. Take care of my boy, Cas.   
Donna

Cas saw the paper was tear stained. His name was smudged on the last line. 

He crumpled the letter knowing he had to discard this one, but he hesitated. What if she never made it back? He flattened out the paper again and folded it back up. He stuck it in the envelope and put it with the other letters she’d sent. “For Jordy,” he murmured as he pushed the drawer shut. 

Weeks turned into months. Donna sent letters regularly. Cas sent back pictures with his letters. Gabe wrote him a few times too, but mostly Gabe wrote to Sam. 

Sam and Gabe video called each other as often as they could. 

“How's work?” Gabe asked. 

Sam smiled. “It's a bookstore. It's pretty easy.”

“What about school?” Gabe clenched and unclenched his hand. He did this anytime he wanted to use a pet name. They had agreed it was safer not to use them.

Sam saw the movement and his smile faltered for a moment. “It's good. I'm mostly working on my thesis this year.” Gabe flexed his hand again. “Stop that. I miss you too, but you know it's not safe for you,” he said softly hoping no one else heard him.   
“I know, it's just hard.” His nose twitched. “I've gotta get headphones,” he reminded himself. “Cole broke my last pair.” 

“Cole?” Sam perked up at hearing Gabe use a first name. 

“Uh, yeah, Trenton, my tent-mate.” Gabe looked over his shoulder and frowned. “Keep your shit on your side of the tent.”

“Gabe, is he my age?” Sam asked carefully.

“Yeah, why?” Gabe asked. Sam's cheeks were red, even with the not so great reception. “Oh, so that's the same Cole?” Sam nodded. “Hey, Cole, come here for a second.” 

Cole sauntered over and stared at the screen. “Sam Winchester? Really? Small world. How do you know Novak? Wait, it's Gabriel, right?”

“Gabe is my brother-in-law’s brother.” Sam was shy naturally but now he was flat out uncomfortable. 

“Your brother-in-law?” Cole tried to wrap his head around it for a moment. “Your brother’s gay?” 

“Yeah, so?” Sam was instantly defensive. 

“Dude, chill, it's no big deal. I played around on both sides of the fence, but my wife tamed me,” he said. His computer pinged. “And that's her right now.”

Gabe centered his screen back on himself. “So you kissed that?” he said as quietly as he could. 

“It was a dare. You're not jealous, are you?” he teased quietly. 

“Me? Never.” 

After chow time, Cole struck up a conversation with Gabe. “So Sam isn't Samantha after all,” Cole said knowingly. He threw his hands up. “I've got no right to judge.”

Gabe's face went white. “Don't say a word. That can get me killed out here.”

Cole gave him a serious look. “I won't let it, brother. Love should never get you killed.” 

Gabe nodded. “It's a two front battle for me.” 

Cole watched him. He was nervous. “You haven't told him yet. Why not?”

Gabe rubbed his face. “It's not that easy. I can't promise I'll make it home, and if I tell him, it’ll make losing me worse on him.”

“You can't think like that. You have to take every chance you can to love the person you're with. You can't promise tomorrow to anyone.” Cole leaned back against his bunk. “My wife's father told me that when I had doubts about marrying her.”

“I want to tell him in person.” Gabe realized his words were true. He had a stronger desire to make it home safely. 

“I've got your six,” Cole reassured him. 

The missions became more dangerous. His squad was sent to assist another unit to do search and rescue. They’d been attacked en route to another base of operations. Gabe recognized a unit patch and began searching each body for a name tape. 

His eyes welled with tears after hours of digging through rubble and bodies. He found a blonde woman with the name tape of Hanscum. “Donna,” he whispered. He cradled her body and stacked it with the others being sent home. He struggled to continue working. 

“Novak, you okay?” It was Cole. 

“Yeah,” he replied. Then he shook his head. “No, not really.” He wiped his face. “The woman I just put with the others was a good friend of mine. She was like a sister to me and my brother and his husband. She was the only person who knew about Cas and Dean when Cas served. Her kid is a year old and lost his only family.” A tear slid down his face and he quickly banished it with the back of his hand.

“Who has her son?” he asked. 

“Cas and Dean.” 

“Then he has family. He's got you, Sam, Dean, and Cas. He will be loved,” Cole said. “Say a few words to her before they take her body to send home.”


	19. Chapter 19

A man in uniform knocked on the door. Dean opened the door. “Which one?” His voice shook. 

“I need to speak to Castiel and Dean Winchester,” the man replied. 

Cas had Jordy in his arms when he saw the man at the door. “No,” he breathed. “Go play in your room. I’ll come get you later,” he told the little boy. Cas faced the soldier. “Who was killed in action, Sergeant?” 

“Donna Hanscum.” 

Dean fell to his knees. Cas was by his side and held him. “Is there any chance this was a mistake?” Cas pleaded with the man. 

“I'm sorry. There's no mistake. Her tags,” he held out the metal dog tags. “Your brother identified her.” 

“Gabe? Is he okay?” Cas couldn't bear to lose both of them.

“Apologies, that information is classified,” the sergeant replied stoically. 

“That means yes. I would be informed otherwise,” Cas said. Dean was sobbing into his chest. “When will she be brought home?” His voice shook as he held back tears. 

“She's being escorted and will reach her hometown in three days. My condolences for your loss. Her will stated you were the next of kin to be notified as you are now the legal guardians of Jordan Hanscum.” The sergeant saluted them and then left. 

“She's not gone. No,” Dean cracked. Tears ran down his face. “Tell me she's not.”

“We lost our sister. Jordy lost his mother. We make sure he knows she loved him,” Cas nodded as he spoke. Tears leaked from his eyes.

Three days later, they buried Donna. Dean hadn't spoken since they’d gotten the news. Cas had taken on responsibility of caring for Jordy and Dean who had become quite depressed. 

Cas knew Dean and Donna had grown close over the years. He hadn't quite understood how close they were until the news broke Dean. Cas had never seen him this defeated and destroyed. Losing Donna had taken a harder toll on both of them than he had expected. He was just grateful Jordy wouldn't remember this. 

Sam looked thin at the funeral. He’d come to support them and say goodbye to Donna. He helped Cas with Jordy. “Dean?” he approached his brother when he didn't have the baby in his hands. 

Dean nodded and let someone pass him before stepping aside for Sam. “Cas says you haven't eaten much in a few days,” he spoke quietly. “You have to take care of yourself, Dean.”

He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. He looked at Sam and saw how thin he’d gotten. He pointed to his brother. 

Sam looked down at himself. “Yeah, I know. I've been working and studying so much. I haven't heard from Gabe in a couple days and I'm worried. I don't want to worry Cas. You guys have enough to deal with right now. It's probably just in my head,” he shrugged it off. 

Dean wasn't buying it but he really didn't care at the moment. His emotions were shutting down, and he found he didn't want to care about anything. Sam left to help Cas with Jordy as more people came up to offer condolences. 

Dean wandered off from the funeral and kept walking. He kept his hands in his pockets and didn't think about where he was going. He ignored the cold weather. 

A horn honked beside him. He barely noticed. It honked again. He looked over to see Sam in the driver’s seat. He was waving at him to get in the car. Dean shook his head and kept walking. 

Sam parked the car and caught up with him. “Dude, Cas is freaking out. Come back with me. I’ll take you back to the hotel,” Sam said. 

Dean shook his head. He spoke for the first time in three days. “I can't. I never should have stayed.” 

Sam was confused. “Donna would have wanted you there.”

He shook his head again. “Not that. It's hard to explain, Sam. I've been nothing but a burden to him. I should have left when I had planned to almost six years ago.” 

“What? Dean, that's crazy. Cas loves you. He would never consider you to be a burden. Get in the car and we’ll ask him.” Sam pointed to the car. 

“I can't be the parent Jordy needs. I can't be the husband Cas deserves. Sam, I can't.” A single tear slid down his face. He turned and walked away from Sam. 

“So that's it? Your vows to him mean nothing?” Sam shouted at him. 

Dean slowly stopped and turned on his heels to face Sam. “Sam, I don't expect you to understand…”

“No, I understand,” Sam said angrily. “You’re bailing on your family. Castiel loves you more than anything. Jordy needs you now more than ever. And dammit, Dean, I need you too! So you suck it up, deal with it, and get in my car.”

Dean hesitated. He wanted to walk away. Sam saw the look on his brother’s face. “Be better than dad,” he said. Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam. “I didn't take a bullet for you just for you to walk away.” Tears trickled down Sam's face. He thought he was out of tears, but it seemed he was wrong.

Dean walked toward Sam. “I didn't ask you to take it for me, Sammy. I told you not to. So let me go.”

Sam grabbed his arm tightly. “No, I did it because I love you. Cas protected you that day because he loves you. He’d do it again in a heartbeat, just like I would for Gabriel.” Sam had a sharp intake of breath. 

Dean looked at him. “The pain only gets worse, Sammy. If something happens to him, it only gets worse. That's why I need to go, before it gets worse.”

Sam kept his grip on Dean's arm. “How bad do you think it will be for Cas? Hmm? You leave, then what? He just buried his second sister, Dean. If his husband leaves, how devastated do you think he’ll be? He needs you just as much as you need him.”

Sam was the voice of reason Dean needed. “Don't tell him.” Dean looked up at his brother. “Don't tell him whatever it is you suspect happened to his brother.” Dean walked toward the car. 

Sam took him back to the hotel and parked the car. “Dean,” he started to speak. 

Dean held up a hand. “You're right. It was selfish of me to want to leave, but I should be the one to tell him. It’s not going to be pretty.” 

“I'm staying here too. Do you need me to watch Jordy?” Dean accepted the offer. 

Cas attacked Dean in a tearful hug when he walked in the door. Sam announced he’d take Jordy so they could talk. He left quickly to give them space. 

“I thought you left me,” Cas said quietly. Silent tears rolled down his face. 

Dean smoothed them away with his thumbs. “I was going to, but Sam made me realize why I shouldn't. Cas, this is hard. Losing Donna is hard. All I could think about was what if it had been you.” Giant tears escaped his eyes and carved a trail down his cheeks. 

“But it wasn't, Dean. I've been with you this whole time,” Cas was confused. 

“I know. I know. But my head has been playing tricks on me or something. I kept seeing you in the casket and not her. I kept hearing your name. When I close my eyes, you're not here.” Dean was breathing fast. “I can't do this without you.” 

“So why were you going to leave?”

Dean dropped his gaze. “If I left like I had planned to six years ago, none of this would be happening.”

Cas held Dean's face in his hands. “Yes, it would. The only difference would be I’d be single and miserable and Jordy probably would be in the state system.” Cas paused for a moment. “Why do you like to read?” 

Dean looked puzzled. “Cas, books are not the conversation right now.”

“Why do you like to read?” he repeated. “Those were the first words you ever said to me. Do you remember?” Dean nodded. “You could have asked me anything else. ‘What are you reading?’ or ‘Is that book any good?’ Instead, you asked me something personal. You wanted to know me.”

“Can you blame me?” Dean cracked a crooked almost smile. “You're pretty hot, and I really didn't think you’d give me the time of day.”

“I was lonely, like you were. Dean, my point is that there's more than just pain. We hurt now, yes. We lost an amazing woman. But she loved us and entrusted her son to us for a reason.” 

Cas dropped his hands and rummaged through his bag quickly. He turned back and said, “Here. It was the last one she sent.”

Cas,  
I miss my boys so much! All three of you. The pictures you send me help a lot. I can't thank you and Dean enough for taking care of my big boy. He's getting so big! Tell Dean he needs to stop feeding him pie. I can't wait for you two to have your own kids someday. You’ll be the best dads because you're so perfect together. I love you all, and as always, tell my boy I love him.  
Donna

Cas held his hands. “I love you, Dean Winchester. Don't leave me if you're scared or hurting,” he said. 

“I’ll only leave if I don't love you,” Dean finished. “She'd be mad that I tried to leave.”

“Yeah, she'd have done worse than Sam.” They agreed on this and smiled for the first time in days.


	20. Chapter 20

Blood ran down his face. He repeated his name, rank, and serial number. He received another blow to the head. He repeated the same information again. In another language, the captor informed his men to tie him up to the ceiling with his hands above his head. 

“You dead yet?” Cole muttered.

“Uh-uh,” Gabe spit blood. “Will be in a couple days if we don't get help soon. You look like shit.”

“Oh, you can see me? Give that a minute. You're eye is blacker than Samuel L. Jackson,” he said. 

“Funny.” 

Gabe hadn't had a sense of humor in days. Cole knew this was taking its toll on him hard. He kept trying to make jokes to keep Gabe centered and he wasn't sure if it was working. He had no intention of giving up. 

“Looks like you're next up, whipping boy,” Gabe said as the captors came back in. 

“Oh, goody, my favorite,” he bit sarcastically.   
The stopped trying to untie Cole when they heard a shout. They all rushed out of the hut. “Hey, wait, what about my spa day?” Cole asked. 

They heard the sounds of gunfire. “Is that ours?” Cole asked what they both hoped to be true. 

Two of the men came back in and untied Cole. “Sorry, brother, looks like you're going home alone,” Cole said. 

They dragged Cole from the room as Gabe shouted at them. He shouted until his lungs begged him to stop and his throat was more dry than the sand beneath his feet. He hadn't had much water in days. His captors gave him only enough to survive. It was part of their torture routine. 

Gabe refused to give any information. Cole had refused too. They stuck to their training and only provided their names, ranks, and serial numbers. “Don't leave me, brother,” Gabe whispered to the empty room.

He passed out. When he woke, the gunfire was closer to the little hut. It was really more like a carved out piece of a cave that had been turned into a pseudo sort of house. The room Gabe was in was designed to look like a sitting room. 

Cole wasn't back. Gabe knew he was dead. They never kept them this long. Suddenly, the hut shook violently. Sand sprayed down from the ceiling and surrounding walls, choking him. 

He heard a dry laugh from another room. “Stop blowing holes in our shack.” 

“Trenton? Is that you?!” Gabe said as loudly as he could manage. 

“Yeah, Novak, still here, they forgot me I think.” He paused to listen. “Bombs. They said Americans and bombs. Let's hope.”

A few hours later when the sun had gone down, they heard troops enter. Moments later, the hut was cleared of hostiles and Gabe was being cut loose. 

“Water,” he begged with his hoarse voice. “Water.”

A canteen was held to his broken lips and warm water trickled down his throat. He was hoisted to his feet. “Can you walk, Novak?” 

Gabe tested his feet. He hadn't been on them in days. He nodded. “Not sure for how long,” he said. “We were starved and only given enough water to survive.”

They were carried to the humvees to be transported back to the forward operating base. Gabe passed out a few times on their way there. He woke to hear someone shouting for a medic. 

“What's going on, fellas?” he slurred. 

“Drive faster, LT. He's going into shock,” the medic reported. He heard the medic radio in for immediate supplies upon arrival. “Severe dehydration and malnutrition, wounds to the head, torso, arms, and legs.”

The lieutenant asked a question that he didn't quite understand. The voices were muffled and he couldn't see anyone. He was mumbling incoherently except for one word. “Sam.”

The medical tent opened letting in a bright flash of sunlight. Gabe opened his eyes. “Novak, I'm Captain Henrikson. You're being sent to Germany to be treated and recover. You're going home, son.”

Gabe was confused. “But the mission's not over. Sir, the war?”

“Will keep going without you, kid.” He sat down and took his patrol cap off. “You kept mumbling a name. The medic reported it to me and me alone. Who is Sam?”

Gabe kept his mouth shut. “Sir, no offense, but that's none of your damn business.” 

He nodded slowly. “That's what I thought. Trenton is being sent home too. I'm sure Sam will be glad to get you back.” 

Gabe frowned. “Captain, I don't deserve to go home. I messed up and got captured.”

“I read the report, Novak. You saved four other Delta Force members. Without you, they’d be at home in a box right now,” the captain stated firmly. “So pack up. You earned it.”

When he landed in Germany, Gabe fell ill. His injuries were only part of the issue. His immune system was off balance, and he caught the flu while in the hospital there. He hadn't wanted to email or write to Sam. Cole saw this new behavior. 

“He won't hate you if you're worried about that,” he told his friend.

“Yes, he will,” Gabe sighed hopelessly. “It's been a couple weeks and he stopped trying.”

“You should let him know you're alive, Gabe. He deserves to know that,” Cole nodded toward the paper and pen on his nightstand. 

“I...I don't know if I can go home to him, Cole. I'm not the same guy that came over here.” Gabe knew he’d changed. He knew that everytime he closed his eyes that he was back in that dirt hut taking a beating. 

“No, you're not. Neither am I. Hell, I nearly lost a leg. But my wife would kill me if I don't come home to her. Sam needs you, Gabe. More importantly, you need him,” his friend argued.

Gabe stared at the blank paper. “How do we move on?”

“The monsters are dead. Kill them in your dreams. And maybe one day, you won't see them anymore.” He knew what Gabe meant. He saw the same things when he closed his eyes. “When he asks, be honest. That's not classified.”

“I don't know what to write.”

“Yes, you do.”

Sam,  
I'm coming home.  
Gabe


	21. Chapter 21

He grabbed his bags from baggage claim and was wrapped in a massive hug. “I missed you so much,” Sam said as he hugged him. 

Gabe smiled. “I missed you too, Samsquatch.”

Sam kissed him. “You're staying with me right? Or do you have to report somewhere?” His eyes fell. 

Gabe looked up and touched his face. “With you.”

Sam noticed a small hint of a cut of Gabe's face near his hairline. “You got hurt?” He touched the spot lightly. “They took Donna away from us. I'm glad they didn't take you too.”

“S-sam?” he was nervous. “They almost did,” he whispered. 

Sam wrapped his arms around him. “Mine,” he whispered. “You're home.” 

Cas and Dean threw a welcome home party for Gabe. Gabe tried to enjoy it, but in the shadows of the room he kept seeing the enemy. Bobby noticed how his eyes were darting around. 

“Son, you need to speak to someone,” Bobby said quietly. 

“It’ll fade,” Gabe brushed it off. 

“Don't let it hurt my boy.” Bobby sipped his beer.

“Sir, I think he's the only reason I made it home.” Bobby could see every ounce of pain in Gabe's eyes. “They said when I went into shock I kept saying his name.”

“Does he know?” Bobby asked. Gabe shook his head. “Be careful how you tell him. It's not going to be easy. It never will be. Be glad you were on the receiving end. Doling it out is much worse.”

Gabe turned his back on the party and faced Bobby. “Your love left you?”

“It killed her,” Bobby said quietly. “The boys don't know. Karen got sick because of me.”

Gabe nodded. “I don't want to hurt Sam in any way.”

“Then get your sense of humor back. He misses that.” Bobby stepped forward to join the others. 

Gabe found a quiet spot to sit. The music and laughter was too much to handle. Sam found him. “Would you like to go home?” he asked as he sat beside him. “I told Dean this was too much, but he insisted on having a party.”

“I don't want to be rude,” Gabe said. He looked up at Sam. “But I would like to go.”

“Gabe, are you okay with living with me?” Sam ran his hand through his hair nervously. “I mean I should have asked first instead of just taking you there.” 

Gabe took Sam's hand in his. “Of course, I’d love to live with you, Sammy.” He smiled. “Be careful though. I might start playing jokes on you more now,” he teased. 

Sam leaned down and kissed him hard. “Man, I've missed you.” He kissed him again and felt Gabe deepen it. He pulled back. “We should probably take this to a more private place.” 

Gabe nodded. They said goodbye to everyone and thanked them for a nice night. Outside the building, Gabe kept checking the shadows. Sam put a hand on his shoulder. “You're home,” he said. 

“S-sorry,” he stammered. “Some really bad things happened to me this time.”

“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Gabe, until I got that letter saying you were coming home, I thought you were dead. I cried every day and prayed I never saw a man in uniform at my door. I cried more when I realized he wouldn't come to my door. He'd go to Cas.” Sam pulled him close and wrapped his arms around his waist. “I love you, Gabriel. It took me far too long to see that.”

He tipped up on his tiptoes and his lips met Sam's. “I should have told you before I left. I love you too,” he whispered. 

They went home and Sam said something about needing to study. Gabe decided that it could wait and kept teasing Sam. He grabbed his ass, snagged the book, and ran around the apartment. Sam chased him until they both landed on the bed on top of each other. 

“Do I really have to compete for your attention, Sammykins?” His tone had changed. He needed Sam. 

Sam shivered at hearing the pet name. He crushed Gabe's lips. “I've missed you so much.” He stripped his shirt off himself. 

Gabe sat up and explored Sam's chest with his hands. He lingered on the scar on his chest. He sighed. “You're so sexy. How did I ever get a guy like you?” 

Sam smiled. “Maybe because you're sexy too? Maybe because of your beautiful eyes.” He kissed Gabe between sentences. “Maybe because you're an amazing person.”

Gabe let Sam tease his ego. He moved his hands lower and found Sam was eagerly waiting for him. He rolled them over on the bed so Sam was now on his back. Gabe crawled up and met his mouth, grinding his hips to Sam's hard and slow. Sam moaned and held Gabe tightly. “More,” he begged. 

“Not yet, Sambo,” he teased and bit his lower lip. “I'm going to take my time with you.” 

Sam moaned as Gabe massaged him through his pants. The fabric was rough but Sam didn't care. He tried to take Gabe's shirt off, but Gabe refused. “No,” he whispered. “Don't look at me,” he pleaded softly. He was vulnerable unlike he’d been seconds before. 

“Gabe, baby, I promise, you're still beautiful. Besides, scars are kind of sexy,” Sam blushed. “I'm sorry you got hurt. Can I see?” he asked permission to remove the shirt. 

Gabe hesitated but allowed him to remove it. “See? I'm ugly,” he whispered and turned his face away. 

Sam stared at the chest of his lover. Scars criss-crossed his chest from where he’d been cut numerous times. Sam leaned up and kissed each scar gently. “Gabe,” his voice made Gabe look at him again. “I need you to fuck me, you sexy beast.”

Gabe rolled his hips and crashed them into Sam's. He undid the belt of his own pants and removed Sam's painfully slowly. Sam moaned and begged him for more. Gabe removed their pants and proceeded to dig around in the nightstand drawer. 

He found a small leather crop. “Really, Sammy? Can I?” 

Sam nodded. “Please, spank your naughty boy?” he begged. 

Gabe smacked Sam's ass with the crop and Sam moaned. He did it again on the other cheek and Sam begged him not to stop. A few more smacks on either cheek and Gabe decided he needed more. 

Slick fingers teased their way into Sam as he faced down. “Turn me over. I want to see your face,” he said. Gabe turned him over and slid a cock ring into place on Sam's erection. 

“Don't come until I say,” Gabe said breathily as he kissed him. He lowered his head and teased him with his tongue. Sam moaned and grabbed the sheets below him. 

“Fuck, Gabe, fuck me!” he said loudly. Gabe grinned and sucked on his cock. “Oh fuck!” Sam bucked. He tangled his fingers in Gabe's now lengthy hair. “I like your long hair,” he said each word between movements. 

Gabe moved faster and sucked harder. Sam moaned and repeated his name. Gabe quickly changed up and thrust himself inside Sam. He moved slow at first but quickly picked up his rhythm. The ring wasn't allowing Sam to come and he desperately wanted to. 

Gabe wasn't anywhere close yet and kept hitting Sam's prostate with each hard, fast thrust of his hips. “Did you miss this, Sambear?” he verbally teased Sam. “Did you miss my cock?”

“Oh fuck, Gabe, yes!” he yelled. “Fuck me harder,” he begged. Gabe did as requested and nearly came at the sound of Sam's pleas. Sam kept begging him for more. That's when Gabe removed the ring from Sam and replaced it with his own hand. Gabe leaned forward. Sam dug his fingers into his back. “I need you,” he begged with wide eyes filled with desire. Gabe kissed him and came hitting his prostate. This caused Sam to climax too. 

Gabe cleaned them up quickly and Sam pulled him down to him. “You are amazing,” he said breathlessly. “Gabe, I missed you.”

Gabe laid his head on Sam's chest. “I missed you too, Samshine, more than you can ever imagine.”


	22. Chapter 22

Dean and Cas cleaned up from the party. “I'm glad so many people came to support your brother. I wasn't sure we’d get a lot of responses,” Dean said. 

“Gabe has this infectious personality. People can't help but like him,” Cas shrugged. “He looked rough though. Do you think there's something he's not telling us?”

“He's your brother, and he's banging mine. I don't think they're gonna share much with us anymore.” Dean smiled. “Babe, don't worry. I'm sure Gabe is fine. He's home and that's what matters.” Dean ran his fingers through Cas’s hair. “Mm, I'm glad you grew it out a bit. High and tights didn't suit you.” 

Cas gave him a questioning look. “I thought you liked my military look.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “I'm so glad we got a sitter for Jordy tonight. You were the one who liked me in nothing but your Army jacket.”

Cas kissed him. “The first time I saw it on you I almost came right then.” 

“Really? Maybe I should dig it up,” he teased. “We can clean up later.” He snaked his hands around Cas. “I'm thinking that my amazing cook deserves some special attention.” His hands twitched against Cas’s back. He ignored it. 

“Go wear my jacket. I’ll be right there.” Cas smacked his rear. 

Cas finished cleaning up the little bit they had left. He opened their bedroom door and expected Dean to be on the bed. “You're still changing?” he asked. He walked to the closet and found Dean lying on the floor in the Army jacket. “Dean? Dean!”

Dean didn't respond. Cas checked his pulse and called 911. He removed the jacket and began doing CPR until the EMTs arrived. Cas was frantic. “I don't know. He was fine, and then I found him on the floor.”

The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever. Cas had to fight all of the nurses. “I'm his husband!” He didn't care about the strange looks he was receiving from people.   
The doctors informed him that they needed to do some tests and scans and that it would take hours before they knew anything. “I'm not leaving.” Cas called Sam and left a message. He called Bobby. “I-I don't what happened, Bobby. He-he was fine.” Cas began to break. He wondered if this was how Dean had felt when he was almost recalled for service. “They're doing tests and won't know anything for a while.”

“Go home and get some rest, kid,” Bobby said. “Nevermind, I know who I'm talking to. I’ll cover the babysitter. Don't worry about Jordy.”

Cas paced the hallways and sometime in the middle of the night Sam called him back. Cas was shaky at best. 

“Cas, I got your message. Is he okay? What are they saying?” Cas told him the same thing he’d told Bobby. “Do you want us there? We can be there in a few minutes.” 

Sam had moved closer to Dean and Cas after completing his undergrad degree. He was taking online classes for his master’s degree. He had wanted to be closer for Gabe, but it really helped out when Dean and Cas got Jordy. “Who is watching Jordy?” Sam asked as he approached Cas. He hugged his brother-in-law. 

“Babysitter. Bobby said he’ll help cover the cost.” Cas looked wrecked. 

Gabe put a hand on his shoulder. “He's tough. Whatever it is, he’ll be fine,” he reassured his brother. 

The doctor came back out about an hour later. “Mr. Winchester?” Cas and Sam both stood. “You are?” the doctor looked at Sam.   
“Dean's brother. What happened, doctor?” Sam was worried. 

“We found a lump on his spine. We think it caused his blackout. He's awake and in a room now.” The doctor gestured down the hall. 

“A lump? A tumor?” Cas didn't take his eyes off the doctor. He nodded. “Is it cancerous?”

“We don't know yet. We need to see if we can remove it safely and then do a biopsy on it,” the doctor informed. “But he asked for you.”

Cas nodded. “When do you want to remove it?” he asked shakily. He was fighting back tears. 

“The sooner the better. The way it's positioned, if it grows any larger it’ll put pressure on his spine and render him incapable of movement.”

Cas collapsed into Sam's arms. “Where's his room?” Sam asked. The doctor gave him the number. “Sh, Cas, they’ll fix it. He’s going to be okay. Sh,” Sam said soothingly. He patted Cas’s head and led them to the room. Gabe followed behind them silently. 

“Hey, you scared us,” Sam said. He was still holding Cas who was barely standing. 

“Baby, don't cry,” Dean said softly. “The doctor has high hopes.”

“It doesn't sound good,” his voice shook. 

Dean looked at Sam and Gabe. “Can I have a minute?” They nodded and left the room. “Cas, baby, come here.” He reached up for Cas as best as he could with one arm. “While I'm here, I want you to read to me. When you're not here, don't look at me like that, we have a kid. When you're not here, read to Jordy. Baby, you can't forget to be with Jordy too. He needs his Papa,” Dean said calmly. 

“How-how can you be-be s-so calm?” Cas was crying. He couldn't fight it anymore. 

“Because I've known about it for a week. I couldn't move my fingers the other day so I went to the doctor. I didn't want to drop Jordy and hurt him. He said I needed to have it removed, but he also said I had more time,” Dean smiled. “Baby, sh,” he held Cas’s head to his chest. “This doctor is better than the other one. He said he's bringing in a specialist.” He kissed the top of his head. “When this is over and I'm better, I’ll put on your jacket, and we can do whatever you like.” 

Cas looked appalled. “You knew?”

Dean looked at him sadly. “I tried to tell you, but that was the same day we found out your brother was coming home. You were so happy. I didn't want to ruin it.”

“You should have told me. We wouldn't have had the party. That put so much extra on you, and we could have taken you to have it removed. Dean, it's your spine. What if they make a wrong move and you're paralyzed or worse?” 

“Hey, remember what you told me about being in the service?” he asked. “When I asked you, what if?”

Cas took a ragged breath. “If it's my time, then it's my time. But, Dean, it's not yours.” 

“I know. That's why the doctor is going to take me for surgery and fix me up good as new,” Dean said calmly. “Now, would you get Sam for me? I want to speak to him alone.”

Sam entered the room. “Gabe says you knew you were sick.”

“Gabe is right. Sam, if things do go south, help Cas with Jordy. They’ll need you. No, do not argue with me.” He saw Sam try. “If things go bad, I'm hoping they don't, Cas will need you and Gabe.” Sam nodded. “Get Gabe. No, alone.” 

Gabe stood by the door. “You knew you were sick and didn't tell anyone. Why?”

“Does it matter? How did you know?” Dean asked. 

“I saw it in your eyes. You were hiding something from Cas at the party, but you were afraid to tell him. You're scared you’ll die,” Gabe said as he moved closer. 

“Yes, I don't want to leave him,” he said quietly. He sighed. “That's why you need to tell Sam whatever it is you're hiding.”

Gabe opened his mouth to protest and Dean shot him a look. “I want to, but I don't want to scare him.” He lifted his shirt. “He didn't flinch when he saw these, but he will when he finds out how I got them.” 

“You went missing. Captured?” Gabe nodded. “Tortured?” He nodded again. “Tell him. If he stays, marry him. You won't find anyone else who understands.”

“It's not that easy.” 

“Gabriel, yes, it is. I asked your brother before I got shot. He protected me out of pure instinct, but I know he would have done it anyway even if it hadn't been instinct. He could have covered Sam or Bobby, but he chose me. Sam loves you. If he hasn't said it yet, it's because he's afraid you’ll leave him. He's always been like that,” Dean said.

Gabe didn't make eye contact. “He said it,” he said quietly, almost a whisper. “I don't want to leave him ever again.”

“So get out of the Army. You can do that for him.” Dean watched him. “You're being discharged.”

Gabe nodded. “It's not finalized yet but a medical discharge because of my wounds.” 

“Good. They’ll need you. I don't know if I'll make it. They gave me good odds, but they also said to be ready for the worst.” Dean rubbed his face. “It'll destroy Cas if I die.”

“You don't know that. Sam thought I was dead, and he was fine.” 

“He lied,” Dean smiled. “He was a wreck.”

Gabe smiled. “Somehow that's comforting.”

“Take Sam home. You guys need rest. I know I can't ask Cas to leave.” Dean yawned.


	23. Chapter 23

The doctors operated on Dean. Cas was a total wreck. A nurse came by once in awhile to check on him. Bobby came by to let Cas know that he and Sam would take turns watching Jordy. When the surgeon came out, Cas leapt to his feet as if he had been taking care of himself. 

“Good news, Mr. Winchester, we were able to remove the entire tumor without causing any damage to his spine,” the doctor seemed happy. “We will know in a few days when the results come back if it is malignant or benign.” 

“But he’s okay?” Cas was hesitant to be hopeful.

“He's in recovery. I want to keep him a couple more days since it was in such a sensitive location,” he informed. “We won't know complete results until the biopsy results come back.”

Cas nodded and asked where his room was. He sat with Dean even though he was still asleep from being sedated for the surgery. He found himself nodding off and hummed lightly to keep himself awake. 

“Cas?” a quiet voice said.

Cas jerked his head up. “Dean,” he breathed in relief. He smiled. “They're going to keep you a couple more days, but the doctor said you should be fine.” 

Dean nodded slowly, still somewhat drugged. “Have you slept? Where's Jordy?”

Cas leaned forward and grabbed his hand. “Jordy is with Bobby or Sam. They're taking turns. I was so worried.” Cas held his hand in both of his own. 

“So you haven't slept,” Dean surmised. “You look thin,” he frowned. “Cas, you have to take care of yourself too.” 

“I know, but I'm just relieved you're okay.” He kissed Dean's knuckles. 

“You were humming ‘Candy and Cake’ again,” he said. His mouth relaxed into a tired smile. “Sing it to me?”

Cas sang and Dean joined in a few lines in, but his words were slow and slurred because of the pain medication. “I love when you sing that song,” Dean murmured. 

Cas stood and kissed him on the head. “Need anything? I'm going to call Bobby and check on Jordy.” 

Dean smiled and rubbed Cas’s knuckles with his thumb. “Books. We need some books,” he replied. “Jordy doesn't need to see me like this. He's not even two years old yet.” 

Bobby dropped books off for them and visited for a little while. “You're lucky I love you, boy. That diner not far from my motel is making me fat.”

“Bobby, it's not the diner. You could go other places, but you and I both know it's the woman who works there,” Dean accused. “What's her name again, Cas?” 

“Which one? Ellen or Jo?” Cas said. “Don't act like I don't notice. You like her ass.” 

Dean looked mad that Cas knew. “Yeah, well, just because she's cute don't mean she's my type.”

“No, but Ellen might be Bobby’s type,” Cas turned the attention back to the older man. 

“I think I need to go rescue Sam from Jordy,” Bobby said uncomfortably. “Jordy likes the diner.” 

“He's a baby. He likes food and people who give him attention,” Dean said. “He really likes women who smile a lot too. Must be because Donna was always so happy.”

Cas agreed. Bobby shrugged. “Whatever, the kid is cute and reminds me of Sam when he was that little.”

Bobby left them soon after. “He needs to ask Ellen out,” Cas said. A sly grin crossed his lips. “Did you think I hadn't noticed?”

Dean crossed his arms. “You like the other one, Meg,” he accused. 

Cas stood beside the bed. “She's nice to look at, but I get to come home to you every day.” He put a hand on Dean's cheek. “And you are quite amazing, Dean Winchester.” 

Dean nuzzled his hand instinctively. “You're the only one for me, Cas. You always have been,” he sighed. “My very own candy and cake.” He blinked his eyes slowly. 

“Are you okay?” Cas asked noticing the sluggish behavior. “Do I need to call a nurse?”

Dean shook his head very slowly. “It's just the medicine. It's whooping my ass,” he said. 

Cas read to Dean each time he was awake. The pain medication they had him on was strong. Two days later, the biopsy results came back just a few hours before Dean was to be released.

“You're good to go, Dean,” the doctor announced. “Your results came back as benign and there's no indication that anything else is amiss.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” he said with a curt nod. 

“Mr. Castiel Winchester, you need sleep and a decent diet. Doctor's orders.” The doctor pointed at Cas as he exited the room. 

“See? Doctor's orders, babe,” Dean teased. “They're letting me go in a few hours.”

“Sam has Jordy tonight. Bobby is returning to Kansas. He said something about his friend Rufus messing up his shop while he's been here,” Cas sounded unsure.

“He called Rufus his friend? That's a first. Usually it's a lot of name calling and none of it nice,” Dean noted.

Cas shrugged. “It sounded like Bobby kind of cares which in Bobby terms is next to family.” 

“So you have learned,” Dean laughed. “Ow, how long is my damn back going to be sore? I'm gonna lose my job if I keep getting hurt like this.” 

Cas smiled. “Yeah, you're fine. Besides, I think your boss has life insurance on you because of how often you get hurt.”

“Hey, I didn't mean to break my arm or tear that thing in my knee,” Dean was frustrated. “Or get shot by my dad,” he added quietly. “Cas, what day is it?”

“No, we’re not doing this again. He can't hurt you because he's in prison,” Cas said. He put his hands on Dean's crossed arms. “Baby, he can't hurt you or Sam anymore.”

His eyes showed fear then relaxed. “You're right. Even if he gets out, he doesn't know where we are. He doesn't know we got married or that we have a kid.”

“Speaking of which, we need to get his adoption papers finalized. I'm okay with not changing his last name. He deserves to have his mom's name. But we need something more concrete to present to him when he questions us,” he stated rather logically. 

Dean smiled. “Cas, he's not even two. He's still working on papa and daddy and running around.” Dean sighed. “Nope, we need to go home. I miss him.” Cas smiled.


	24. Chapter 24

Dean recovered quickly. The doctor recommended being checked out every six months or so to make sure nothing came back. Cas, of course, enforced this suggestion for the next three years until the doctor told him once a year was fine. 

“What're we doing for Jordy’s birthday next week?” Dean asked Cas. “Sam asked.”

“He’s going to be five. What do you think?” Cas asked. “I didn't have birthday parties so I'm not sure how this goes.”

“Right. We weren't normal kids. When I was five, Dad was a full blown alcoholic and Bobby gave me a cake,” Dean stated. “Maybe we should ask Ellen for ideas,” he suggested. “She loves Jordy.”

“Yeah.” Just then Jordy came into the room. “Hey, buddy, what do you want for your birthday?”

“Hmm, Grandpa Bobby to visit,” Jordy said innocently. “And pie!” he giggled. 

“No, for birthdays we have cake,” Cas tried.

“But Daddy says pie is better than cake,” the boy argued. “Daddy, Papa said I have to have cake,” he pouted turning to Dean. 

“Maybe Papa is thinking about something we can share with lots of people, like Mrs. Ellen. Cake can be shared with a bunch of people, but pie is for a small party,” Dean said sweetly to the young boy. 

Jordy nodded. “Okay, Daddy. Papa, cake is okay as long as it's chocolate.” 

“What about presents? What would you like?” Cas asked. 

“Superhero toys!” the kid shouted excitedly. “Will Uncle Gabe be there?”

“Be where, Jordy?” Cas asked. 

“At my party, duh, Papa.” Jordy shot Dean a look like Cas was dumb. “You and Daddy are talking about a party.”

Cas sat up straighter. “Only if you're a good boy.”

“Sorry, Papa. Can Uncle Gabe come? Uncle Sam always comes but Uncle Gabe isn't always here. I miss him and Grandpa Bobby. Why don't they live closer?” Jordy asked. 

Explaining Gabriel’s absence had become much harder each time the boy asked. Dean and Cas found it easier to lump him in with Bobby and say they both lived far away. 

Jordy looked at them both impatiently. “Well, Grandpa Bobby lives in a place called Kansas. Uncle Gabe moves around a lot,” Cas said carefully. He glanced at Dean who nodded in approval. 

“That's not what Uncle Sam says,” the kid said suddenly. Cas went wide eyed. 

“What does Uncle Sam say, Jordy?” Dean asked getting the kid to pay attention to him.   
“Uncle Sam says that Uncle Gabe is a superhero and fights bad guys. He says Uncle Gabe is badass.” He paused. “Daddy, what is badass?”

“A grown-up word you're not allowed to say. Uncle Sam shouldn't be teaching you those words either.” Dean was stern. “Don't say it again, okay?” 

“Okay, can I go play now?” 

Dean called Sam. “What have you been telling our son about Gabe?”

Sam laughed. “What did he say?” 

“He called Gabe a badass and a superhero. Sam, don't teach him to swear,” Dean fussed. 

Sam continued to laugh. “Well, it's technically true, Dean. And it's a better explanation than you give him.”

“That's not helping.” 

“Are you frowning? I think I can hear it from here. Nope, I just heard you roll your eyes,” Sam said with a smile. “Gabe will be back in a couple days.” 

“Good, then he needs to tell Jordy he’s a superhero that fights bad guys at his party. Make him dress up as something.” Dean frowned again. “He wants superhero toys. I'm guessing that has something to do with you too?”

“Oh, yeah, we read comic books together. He likes Spiderman and Batman and Iron Man,” Sam informed his brother. “Oh, and Thor.”

“Yeah, so we’re going to have a party for him. He's begging for Gabe and Bobby to be there.” Dean rubbed his face. 

The party was held at the diner. Ellen had insisted. She and the other cooks at the diner had made a large cake that was decorated with superheroes. 

Jordy squealed in delight as he opened presents, but he screamed when he saw who walked in the door a little late. “Uncle Gabe!” He raced to the door and jumped into Gabe’s arms. 

“Hey, kiddo,” Gabe hugged him. “So I heard you asked for me.”

“Yes,” he smiled. “You need to move closer. Daddy and Papa say you move around a lot and I don't like it.”

“Well, my job makes me move a lot, buddy,” he said. 

Jordy whispered, “Because you're really a superhero?”

Gabe smiled. He glanced across the room at Sam. “But don't tell anyone. All superheroes have a secret identity to protect their families. So I can't tell you my superhero name, okay? I want to keep you and Uncle Sam safe.” He rumpled the kid’s hair. 

“You can count on me, Uncle Gabe,” Jordy giggled. He returned to the party. 

Gabe made his way over to Sam. “So I'm a superhero, huh?”

“How else do you say CIA agent to a five year old?” Sam smiled. “Besides, you kind of are.” 

Gabe kissed Sam lightly on the cheek. “And how will you explain it if I don't make it home?”

“I’ll figure that if that ever happens.” Sam held his hand. “He doesn't need to know how ugly the world can be yet.”

Gabe eyed him. “Where did my wide eyed, life is full of wonder Sammy go?” 

Sam tried not to look sad. “He died when you went missing in the Army. When you came home, you got me,” he said quietly. “We shouldn't talk about this here. It is a party and you love parties.”


	25. Chapter 25

When the party was over, Jordy got tired and fell asleep. Cas put him in the car. Dean carried some of the presents to the car and was headed back inside when someone grabbed him from behind. 

“Cas!” Dean yelled. “Get him home!” 

Cas looked up, terrified. “Dean!” He saw Dean being dragged around the corner of the building. He locked Jordy in the car and ran off after Dean. He frantically searched around the diner for him, shouting his name.   
When there was no sign of him, he went back to the car to make sure Jordy was okay. He called the police. “My husband’s been abducted.” He was trying to be calm but he was freaking out. Jordy had woken up and saw Dean being dragged away. He was crying when the police got there. 

“A bad guy took my Daddy!” he squalled. 

“Hey, little guy, what's your name?” A female officer asked. She had dark hair. “My name is Jody,” she said seeing how hesitant he was. 

“Jordy. Will you help us find my Daddy?” his voice shook. 

“Of course, I will. I'm a police officer. Jordy, what was Daddy doing when he was taken?” she asked. 

“He was getting my birthday presents,” the boy sniffled. “Papa tried to find him, but he was scared the bad man would take me too.”

“Okay, Jordy, I'm going to talk to Papa now. Will you stay with the other police officer? He's a nice man, I promise.” She smiled. 

She went to Cas who was trying to talk to another officer. “Sheriff Mills, this is Mr. Winchester,” the officer stated. 

“Go watch the kid, Morris,” she stated. “Mr. Winchester, I'm Sheriff Mills. Can you tell me what happened?”

Cas repeated the story. “Dean was getting our son's presents in the car. Jordy was asleep so I put him in his carseat. That's when I heard Dean shout for me to get Jordy out of here.” Tears streaked his face. 

“Does he have any enemies?” she asked. 

Cas nodded. “I don't know if he's out of prison yet, but his father, John Winchester, tried to kill him and his brother about nine years ago. He would have shot me had it not been for Sam. Sam was protecting me and Dean.” 

“John was convicted for murder?” she asked trying to make sure she understood. 

Cas shook his head and told the whole story. He was still shaky but he could breathe better. “Please, Sheriff, find him. John is the only person that I know of that's ever hated Dean.”

“We will do our best to find your husband. Do you think you or your son are in danger? We can put you in protective custody,” she offered. 

Cas shook his head. “No, I need to tell his brother. My brother is a CIA agent. If you need any assistance, Gabriel Novak can help.” 

She nodded and told him that she would be in touch. Cas called Sam. “Sam, did John get out of prison?”

“I think so, why?” It registered with Sam that Cas was upset. “What's wrong?”

“Dean's been abducted.” Cas broke. “Jordy saw it happen.”

“Gabe and I are on the way right now. Where are you?”

“The diner. We hadn't even made it home,” he choked. “Sam, what do I do?”

Sam and Gabe were there within minutes. Jordy ran to them from the police officer. “Uncle Gabe,” he cried. “A bad man took my Daddy. You're a superhero, right? You can find Daddy?” The kid was beyond upset. 

Gabe picked Jordy up. “The police are the superheroes right now. I can only help them if they ask me to. Here, go to Uncle Sam and let me see if I can help the police.” The little boy nodded and reached for Sam. 

Sam let him curl into him and cling tightly to him. Sam's eyes frantically searched the scene for any clues of his father. “Hey, Daddy will be okay. The police will find him, Jordy,” Sam said soothingly to the young boy who was quickly crying himself to sleep.   
Cas saw Gabe and waved him over. “The Sheriff is over there. Can you help?” He was trying not to lose it again. 

“If they let me,” he said. “Have they released you and Jordy?” Cas nodded. “Go home with Sam. Go to our place. I have a gun in the desk, one in the nightstand, and two in the kitchen. The shotgun is in the closet by the door. It's loaded. Anyone that isn't police, us, or Dean, you blow away,” he spoke quietly. “No one is hurting my family.” 

Cas could only nod and give Gabe his keys. Sam took them back to his and Gabe’s apartment. Cas clung to Jordy who cried more when he woke up. “Daddy,” he murmured. “I want Daddy.” 

“I know, baby, me too,” he said as he hugged the little boy. He fought the tears in his eyes. When Jordy was asleep again, he checked the places Gabe had told him for the guns. 

“We’re stocked up,” Sam said noticing what Cas was doing. 

“John had better hope I don't see him. I'm almost certain it was him. It couldn't be random,” Cas tried to rationalize. 

“It could, but the chances are slim since John has a history of violence towards his family,” Sam stated logically. “He's an ex-Marine and former CIA, Cas. If it is John and he doesn't want to be found, we may never find him.”

“Don't say that. Don't you say that,” his voice shook as tears threatened him again. “No, this time that bastard dies.”

Sam put a hand on Cas. “Not by your hand.” He nodded toward the room where his nephew was sleeping. “He needs his Papa. Bobby and Gabe will handle anything they find and we won't know about it.”

Cas nodded. “You're right. Bobby?”

“I called him. He's on his way,” he said. 

“Papa?” Jordy rubbed his eyes. “I can't sleep. The bad man is going to get me.” 

“No, he won't, Jordy. Because I'm going to protect you,” Cas said. He lead the boy back to the bed and laid down beside him. “The bad man can't get you while I'm here.” 

“Daddy calls you hero. Why?” He was perceptive for five years old. Dean and Cas had never spoken baby talk with him and had always treated him as if he were an older child. 

“That's because when Daddy and I met I was in the Army. I helped Uncle Sam save Daddy from the bad man one time,” Cas tried to explain. 

“Was the bad man in the Army?” he looked confused. 

“No, the bad man used to be really mean to Daddy. They used to know each other a long time ago,” he explained. “The Army taught me how to protect you.”

Jordy was thoughtful. “I have two daddies, but most kids only have one daddy and a mommy. Where's my mommy?”

Cas’s face softened. “Mommy was mine and Daddy's best friend. She died when you were a baby and told me and Daddy to love you and take care of you.” 

Jordy watched Cas. “Papa, did you love my mommy like you do Daddy?” 

“Not the same way, baby. I loved mommy like we love Uncles Sam and Gabe. Mommy was family.” Cas smoothed the kid’s hair down. “She would have loved your party. She was a superhero.” Jordy smiled. “I miss her.”


	26. Chapter 26

Dean was blindfolded, gagged, and tied to a bed. He could feel his captor remove his clothes, leaving him vastly exposed. He had seen the man who had taken him. It was his own father. 

“John,” he tried to say around the gag in his mouth. “Dammit,” he mumbled. 

“Stay put, boy,” he heard. He heard the door shut. 

A few moments later, he heard the door open and high heels click against the floor. “Ooh, kinky,” a female voice said. “Payment upfront. You're sure he's okay with this?” she sounded hesitant. 

“Begged for it. It's a birthday surprise. So surprise him.” Dean could hear pure evil in the man’s voice. 

“It's extra if you want to watch, honey,” she said to John. Dean heard his boots scuff heavily against the floor and the door shut. “So you like it rough, huh? It's very nice of your friend to give you a birthday present.”

Dean began breathing fast as her hands tickled his thighs. He was panicking. He had never been turned on by women before for reasons like this. He whimpered and shook his head trying to get his point across. “No,” he cried through the gag.

“More?” she thought she heard. She teased his body and got no response. “Honey, you got to get it up for this to work.” She toyed with his limp penis. He shook his head and tugged on the restraints, mumbling for help.

She kept moving her hands up and down his shaft. His body betrayed him. He thought of Cas and how upset he would be. He tugged hard on the bed frame and snapped the restraint. With one arm free, he pulled the gag from his mouth. “No, get off me. I'm gay!” he cried. “Please, stop,” he begged as she continued to move her hand. “I would never cheat on my husband.” Tears flowed freely down his cheeks. “Let me go. Help me escape,” he begged the woman. 

She looked confused. Her eyes were partially glazed over. “You don't want to fuck?” He shook his head. “Then why am I here?”

“That man paid you to rape me,” he said in a low voice. “Help me escape and I won't press charges.” He was shaky at best, but the hooker was was too high to care.

The prostitute untied Dean's hand, but she struggled with his feet. “Fire escape,” she whispered and pointed to the window. 

Dean put his clothes on quickly. He heard the prostitute speaking to someone as he climbed out the window. “He blew his full load early,” he heard her say crudely. “Short ride, no refunds.” 

Dean climbed down without looking back up. He just wanted to get away from there. He felt sick, but he forced himself to keep moving. One step closer to home, to Jordy and Cas.

His feet hit the ground and he nearly collapsed. He groped around his pants. Of course his phone was gone. John wouldn't be that stupid. He caught his breath and moved forward slowly. He kept glancing around corners. 

His feet stumbled a few times. He was struggling with flashbacks and the new trauma. The prostitute had no idea what she’d done to him, touching him like that. He leaned against a building and took a few shaky breaths trying to focus. 

“Cas, I'm sorry,” he mumbled to himself. He looked around and had no idea where he was. He approached the person at the corner waiting for the crosswalk light. “Where am I?”

The person turned slowly. Dean backed away and tried to run. It was John. “You thought you could get away? And what go home to your fag?” He laughed darkly. “No, no, even a hooker couldn't fix you. You're just a sad little dick rider. You're not even a real man. You're just a she-male. Or wait, is that your queer’s spot? Is that fairy the she-male?”

Dean tripped and fell backwards. “Just let me go, John. Leave me and my family alone.”

“Your family? You mean that little kid that your dick muncher was putting in the car?” He sneered. “Maybe I should pay that queen a visit.”

“No!” Dean shouted. “What do you want from me? Why does it bother you so badly who I love?”

“You turned Sam against me!” John shouted. He lunged towards Dean. “You haven't been my kid for a long time, but I can still get my Sam back.”

Dean shook his head. “No, you can't.” He dodged the attack. “You lost both of your kids when you shot Sammy. He hates you more than I do.”

John barreled into Dean and knocked him against the nearest building. He punched him in the stomach and banged his head against the concrete. “Sam is still my son!”

Dean laughed deliriously. “No, dad, he's not. Sam is with a man too. He loves him. You hate us gays so much you want to kill your own kids. Sam was right. Losing mom changed you. She wouldn't just hate who you are now. She would leave you and protect us from you.”

John knocked Dean to the ground. They were between two buildings which was poorly lit. “Where did I go wrong?” he emphasized each word with a swift kick. 

Dean groaned. He was unable to fight back. His body screamed in pain and blood was oozing from his head. “You let the babysitter molest me,” Dean said weakly. He tried to stand. “As bad as she was, you were the biggest monster in my life. I should thank you, really. If you hadn't kicked me out all those years ago, I never would have met Cas.” He coughed and blood came up. 

“You're blaming me for you being fucking fairy?!” John was livid. “You and that queer put me behind bars!” He slammed Dean against the building. 

Blood dripped from his mouth. “It's okay, dad. I wouldn't have been happy without you being so horrible. You're the perfect example to me of what not to be like for my son.”

John dropped Dean. He was utterly disgusted. Dean continued, “That queer, as you called him, is my husband.” Dean struggled to stand. “We have a son. Sam is in love with a man who loves him in return.”

John shook his head. “I failed. You taught Sam to be fucked up like you.” He reached forward with both hands to strangle Dean. 

“Kill me,” he choked. “You’ll never see Sam again.” 

John let go and Dean collapsed. He struggled to breathe. John kicked him in the back a few more times. “I'm sorry I missed when I shot you and Sam.” He spat on Dean as he walked away. 

Dean couldn't move. He struggled to breathe and wondered why John had left. He wasn't dead yet. John wanted him dead, clearly. Dean tried to crawl toward the street, but his leg was broken. His arm was bleeding. He kept coughing up blood. 

“Help,” he could barely whisper. “Help.”

He heard a siren and wasn't sure where it was going, but it motivated him to try moving again. Dean collapsed.


	27. Chapter 27

“Castiel, this is Sheriff Mills,” she spoke into the phone. “We found him. He’s being transported to the hospital as we speak.” 

Sam drove Cas to the hospital. Gabe watched Jordy. “Daddy is going to be okay, right, Uncle Gabe?” Jordy asked. He was terrified. “Papa was scared when he left.”

“I don't know, kiddo. We have to wait until Papa calls us and tells us if he's going to be okay.” Gabe wished he could say Dean would be fine. “Get some sleep.”

“Will the bad man try to hurt Papa too?” His little voice was shaky and his eyes were big. “Papa told me Mommy was a superhero. He didn't say what happened to her. He told me she's dead. Did you know her?” 

“Tell you what. I’ll tell you all about the superhero named Donna if you get in bed,” he bargained. Jordy climbed into bed and got comfortable. He looked at Gabe expectantly. “You mom’s name was Donna. She was a superhero but not like the kind Uncle Sam reads to you about.”

“He's been telling me about Captain America. He's different from the other superheroes.” 

“So was Donna. I met her when I was in the Army. Papa and I hadn't seen each other in a long time. He was best friends with Donna. She was always happy and wanted everyone around her to smile. Her super power was making people smile even when they didn't want to.” He spoke lovingly about Donna for a while before Jordy spoke again.

“But if she was so awesome, why is she dead?” the kid was serious. “She sounds like a great mommy.”

“She was. She loved you so much that she left the Army for you. But war happened and they told her she had to go back. She didn't want to leave you. So she gave you to Daddy and Papa because she knew they would take the best care of you.” Gabe looked sad. “She died fighting for you, little buddy, so you could grow up and be happy.”

Jordy sniffled. “I can't be happy if Daddy dies.”

Gabe stared at the sweet, innocent, intelligent little boy. “He would want you to try. But Papa hasn't called yet to let us know anything, so until we know something we’re going to believe he will be okay and home in no time.” 

Jordy looked around for a moment. “I hope you're right.”

Cas couldn't breathe. He paced the hallways and made the nurse at the station nervous. Sam sat stunned in the chair. They waited for news for hours. 

When the doctor came out, he didn't look very hopeful. “He has a chance, but it's very slim. His body will either begin to recover or shut down completely. It will be slow and painful.” 

“How long does have?” Cas couldn't ask what Sam asked. 

“Possibly a week. Most likely a few days. Some of his organs are severely damaged. We could try to get him on a transplant list, but overall his injuries will keep him from being accepted,” the doctor informed. 

“Do what you can, doctor. Can we see him?” Cas asked. He was shaking from the news. They were lead to Dean's room. 

Cas began crying again when he saw Dean. Sam got angry. His blood boiled. Dean was barely awake. He struggled to breathe. “Cas.”

“I'm here,” Cas grabbed his hand carefully. “I'm here, Dean.”

Dean tried to smile but his left cheek was too swollen. “Jordy?” he struggled. 

“He's with Gabe. He's safe.” Cas kissed Dean on part of his face that wasn't damaged. “He's worried about you.” 

“Did he see?” 

Cas nodded. “He woke up when I was putting him in the car. He saw you get taken. He's scared.”

Dean looked to Sam. “It was Dad.” Cas gasped. “He might come for you, Sammy,” Dean said slowly. 

“I’d like to see him try,” Sam said coldly. “I’ll kill him if he does.” 

Dean moved his head to shake it but it hurt. “No,” he breathed. “He knows. He knows we both are with men. Let him live with his hate.” Dean took breaths between every few words. 

Sam looked like he wanted to argue. He left the room. “Don't. Cas, don’t blame yourself.”

Cas looked back up at Dean. “I should have protected you. I should have saved you from him.” He teared up. 

Dean rubbed his thumb across Cas’s knuckles. “You protected Jordy. Hero,” he gasped sharply. His hand jerked up to his chest. “It's okay. Don't hit the button.” 

“Dean, don't leave me,” Cas pleaded. 

“I can't promise that this time, baby,” he said sweetly. “I want to stay, but this,” he glanced down at himself. “This can't be good.”

Cas tried to deny it but broke under Dean's gaze. Dean spoke again, “How long do I have?”

Cas choked on his words. “D-days,” he sobbed. “But there's a ch-chance you can get b-better.”

Dean took a few breaths. “Sing ‘Candy and Cake,’ hero?” 

Cas shook his head. “Dean, no.”

“Please, for me?” he whispered. 

Castiel closed his eyes as he began to sing. “Candy and cake, candy and cake, my candy and cake. My love’s as sweet a treat as eating candy and cake.” He sobbed. “Sugar and spice, and everything nice, but kissing him once ain't near as nice as kissing him twice, kissing him thrice. Oh, I could be smart. Oh, I could be wise. But when he rolls those roly poly jellybean eyes, I shiver and shake. My heart would just break, if some other love should rob me of my candy and cake, candy and cake.”

Dean was smiling. “It was worse than it looks. But I would do it all again to protect you and Jordy.” His eyes blinked slowly. “He threatened to come after you. I stopped him.”

“How? Is he injured?” Cas asked. 

Dean reached for Cas. “He's got no one left. He wanted Sam,” he breathed deeply. “But Sam chose us.”

Dean began to shake a little and Cas hit the button. A nurse came in quickly and made some adjustments. As she was leaving, Cas grabbed her arm. “Be honest with me. Does he have any chance at all?”

“He has a small chance for now. Any more seizures like that and those chances disappear,” she looked sad. “I'm sorry, Mr.?”

Cas shook his head. “Cas, I'm Castiel.” 

“He kept saying your name before you arrived,” she said. “He loves you very much.”

Cas nodded and went back to Dean. Sam was back. “I called Gabe,” Sam said. “He said Jordy asked about Donna. He also said that Jordy is scared you're going to die,” he spoke to Dean who was sleeping again. “You have to get better.”

Cas looked at Sam. “He asked about Donna?”

Sam nodded. “He told him Donna was a superhero who was killed in battle fighting the bad guys.” 

Cas sat with Dean. Sam returned to help Gabe with Jordy. “I have some books on my phone,” Cas spoke to a sleeping Dean. “I’ll read your favorite.” Cas began reading The Hobbit. He tried not to cry as he read. He read this book because Dean had told him once it was his favorite book. 

“Your favorite?” Dean croaked out when he woke. Cas helped him drink some water. “Thank you.”

“I thought it was your favorite too,” Cas replied. “You mentioned it once.”

Dean smiled as best as he could. “I did. I didn't think you remembered. My brain is a little fuzzy. Was it the movie or the book where Thorin dies?”

“It was the movie,” Cas replied kindly. “Do you think we should let Jordy visit you?”

“I don't know. I'm dying, Cas. I can feel it. Part of me wants to see him again before I go, but part of me doesn't want him to remember me like this.” Dean closed his eyes. He looked like he was in a lot of pain despite the medication. “If he wants to see me, let him.” 

Cas nodded and sent Gabe and Sam a text. “What will we tell him?” 

“The truth,” Dean wheezed. “He's so smart, Cas. If we lie to him, he will know it when he sees me.” He nodded toward his broken leg. “I don't even know why they bothered to put it in a cast.” 

“Dean, don't talk like that,” Cas begged. “You can get better. You're going to get better.” 

“What did they tell you?” Dean asked. 

“There's a chance,” Cas said with hope. 

Dean looked away. “No, there's not. They told me that I'm having seizures. That puts my chance at less than half a percent.” His hands twitched uncontrollably. “Each seizure lessens my odds.”

Cas nodded. “Don't leave me if you're scared or afraid,” he said quietly. 

“I’ll only leave if I no longer love you or death takes me from you,” Dean finished their vows. “I meant every word, then and now.”


	28. Chapter 28

By the time Jordy visited Dean, he’d had several more seizures. The nurse had explained these were caused by the trauma to his head and spine and partially were psychologically induced. 

Cas held his hands each time he seized. Each seizure had a negative effect on his mind and body. “Daddy?” Jordy peered at Dean.

“Hey, buddy,” Dean said recognizing his kid.   
Jordy talked to him for a little while before Cas told him that Dean needed rest. He took the boy to Sam who was down the hall waiting. “Papa,” Jordy said stopping. “Would it be bad to say I wish Daddy dies if it means he doesn't have to hurt anymore?”

“No, baby, it's sad but it's not bad. It means you love him so much that you want what is best for him,” Cas said kneeling beside the child. 

He nodded. “Then you need to do that too. He forgot me for a minute while we were talking. I saw it on his face.” 

“His injuries are affecting his memories too,” Cas conceded. “I never wanted anything like this for you. You're a little boy.”

“You and Daddy say you weren't normal kids. Now, I'm not either. I know about Mommy,” he wiped a tear from his eyes. 

“Would you like to meet her?” Cas confused the kid. “She sent me letters when she was away fighting the bad guys. She gave me messages for you in them. We can read them when all this bad stuff with Daddy is over.”

“Sounds good, Papa,” he hugged Cas. 

Cas returned to the room. “We have the best kid,” he said as he sat back in the chair. 

Dean looked at him strangely. “C-cas?”

“Yes, baby,” he replied leaning forward. He reached for Dean's hand. 

“No, I don't want you to get hurt. Your unit will find out,” Dean said. 

Cas smiled and took his hand. “Let them find out. We’ve been married for six years.” 

Dean looked puzzled. “I'm sorry. I forgot. Who was that little boy? He's so sweet.”

Cas tried to hide how sad this made him. “Donna’s son. We adopted him remember?”

“Donna,” he whispered to himself. “Oh, right. She's gone. Don't let me forget you!” he said frantically. “I don't want to forget you, Cas.” 

“You couldn't if you tried.” Cas threaded their fingers together. “Hey, no, no, relax. When you work yourself up, you have a seizure,” he said calmly and soothingly. 

Dean nodded. “This bed needs to be a little bigger. You could get up here with me.” 

Cas loved the idea. “These beds are not meant for two, babe.” 

Dean shifted over trying not to irritate his injuries. “Up,” he demanded. 

Cas crawled up beside him and carefully cuddled with him. “I love you, Dean,” he said softly. 

“I love you too, Cas,” he kissed his forehead. “My hero.”

Cas tried not to let it get to him. He tried to be strong. But he knew the truth. When Dean was hurt, he was never the strong one. Dean always had been. “I can't save you this time,” his voice cracked. 

“This time? Cas, you saved me all those years ago. I don't mean from dad. Well, sort of,” Dean tried to explain himself. “I was going to die at that bus terminal. You took me in and gave me food. You insisted I eat and sleep. I was close to starving to death.”

“You sound more lucid now,” Cas noted. 

“You're with me,” Dean replied. “It hurts everytime I breathe or speak, but I see you and it's worth it. My brain is fuzzy and I can't remember great. Your eyes help me remember, hero.”

Cas kissed him lightly not wanting to hurt him. “Do you want me to read to you?” 

“Pick up where you left off,” Dean said. 

He tried to stay awake, but he kept dozing off. Cas got off the bed when he had another seizure in his sleep. He wondered what had happened to Dean to cause this. The first few hours they had been in the hospital, the sheriff had come by and asked questions before Cas had been allowed to see him. He had tried to piece together the small bits of information he’d gotten from Dean about the attack. 

A couple of days later, Dean noticed a look on his husband's face. “You look constipated again. Do you need a nurse, Cas?” Dean relied heavily on saying his name because he refused to forget it. 

“I'm fine, Dean,” Cas replied. “I was just thinking that's all.”

Dean knew he meant it was something bad. “Is it about Anna?”

Now Cas was confused. “Why would it be about her?” he asked slowly.

Dean tried to shrug and realized he couldn't get his shoulder to work right. “Damn injuries,” he swore. “You saw her die. Don't be here and watch me die too.”

“Don't ask me to leave. It won't happen,” Cas held his hands firmly. “I'm staying with you.”

“Is Sam okay?” he shook slightly. “Stop it,” he told his body. “Did dad hurt Sam?”

“No, the police haven't found John,” Cas reported. 

“Sam and Gabe should get married.” He sighed as he relaxed further into the pillow. He dozed off again. 

Cas noticed he slept longer each time. He knew the end was close, but he didn't want to admit it to himself. Jordy’s words floated back into his head. 

He hummed “Candy and Cake” softly. Dean’s breathing became ragged and too far apart. The monitors beeped. A nurse ran in to check the monitors. She looked at Cas. “You need to say goodbye. It could be minutes or hours, but it won't be much longer now. I wish I could give you better news.”

“They originally said he wouldn't last this long,” Cas said. Dean had lasted for a little more than a week.

“He's fighting for you. It's wearing him out. Let him go,” the nurse was kind. 

“Our son said the same thing three days ago.”

The nurse left the room. Cas kissed Dean's forehead. “It's okay, my candy and cake. Love kept you alive for me. We’ll be together again someday.” Tears rolled down his face. He knew Dean wouldn't wake again.


	29. Chapter 29

Dean died after nine days in the hospital. The doctors were shocked he had lived that long. Cas knew the nurse had been right. 

The funeral was simple. Dean never liked fancy things or flowers. Cas hugged their son. “You were right. I had to let him go.”

“Is he with Mommy?” The boy tried hard not to cry but he couldn't help it. Cas nodded. “She's a superhero. She will take care of him.”

Cas hugged him tightly. “He loved you.” 

“He didn't want to leave, Papa.” The kid broke down sobbing. 

Cas broke down too. Bobby had flown out to see Dean and had helped with Jordy. Sam and Gabe helped plan the funeral. Tears were fought hard and sorely lost against by the tough men. 

“You never stopped protecting your family. The job just got harder because there were more of us,” Sam said to his brother. 

Gabe leaned close and whispered, “Give Anna and Donna my best.”

Bobby couldn't speak. He placed an unopened beer in the casket. He spoke quietly so only Dean's body could hear him. “He won't be hurting anyone I love again.”

Jordy tried but only cried so hard began to shake. “D-daddy,” was all he could manage.  
“We love you,” Cas said as he held Jordy. 

The rest of the funeral felt like it took forever. Cas was worn out and exhausted from crying and condolences being offered. Jordy had cried himself to sleep. 

Cas approached Gabe. “Marry Sam.”

“Cas, now’s not the time to talk about this,” Gabe hesitated. 

“He wanted you to. He told me that four years ago when he was sick that he told you then. It was the last thing he said about you. Do it this time,” Cas requested. 

Gabe nodded. “But at a better time. Can I borrow Jordy to help me?” Cas nodded. 

Cas found each day was harder with reminders of Dean everywhere at home. Jordy was amazingly helpful. “Don't be sad, Papa. He wants you to read to me.” 

“How do you know about that?” Cas had never told him how important books had been to them. 

“He told me. He used to read to me at bedtime. He said reading was how you met. He said that he hoped you would read to me all the time,” he smiled brightly. “He made funny voices too.” He giggled. 

Cas realized that Dean had told Jordy everything he needed to help Cas move on without him. Dean didn't know he was going to die. He was teaching Jordy how to be a good person. 

Cas read to Jordy every day. When Jordy learned to read, he practiced by reading to Cas. Cas thought he couldn't be surprised by him anymore, but one day Jordy did it again. 

“Papa, you never let me meet Mom. Can I read her letters?” Jordy was seven now. 

“Yes, I'll get them.” He found the drawer where he’d put the letters. He noticed the last one had “For Cas” written on the envelope. 

He sat at the table staring at the envelope. It was Dean's handwriting. Cas opened it with a shaky hand. 

Cas, my hero,  
Don't cry. I'm gone, but I didn't want to be. Raise Jordy to be like you. I did what I could. Don't blame yourself for whatever happened to me. I figured you won't look in this drawer for a while since all of these letters are from Donna. You thought I didn't know? You're not good at hiding Christmas presents either. I don't want you to live in the past. I hope you find a way to be happy again. Jordy should be able to help. He's so smart.  
I love you, always and forever and beyond.  
Dean

Cas shook. He tried not to cry. Jordy had stepped into the kitchen. “Papa?” He saw the letter. “Daddy?” Cas nodded. “He said don't cry, Papa. Look right there,” he pointed to the letter. 

Cas took a deep breath. “It just took me by surprise. You must have learned that from him because you do it all the time.”

A sly grin crossed the boy’s face. “Well, him and Uncle Gabe. Want to know a secret?” Cas nodded. “You can't tell Uncle Sam or Grandpa Bobby. He can't keep secrets from Sam. Uncle Gabe is going to marry Uncle Sam. I helped him hide a ring in a book.”

“In a book? You didn't damage a book did you?” Cas became stern quickly. 

“No, silly. It's on a bookmark. Uncle Gabe wanted to cut the book, but I told him to tie it onto a bookmark because Uncle Sam would get mad if he destroyed a book,” he smiled brightly. 

“How will Sam know to look at the book?”

“He's going to read it to me next time I go there.” He rocked back and forth on his heels. “That's tonight,” he whispered. 

Cas let the boy read the letters from his mother. Gabe picked Jordy up. Cas put the letters away and lingered on the one with his name. “I miss you. Oh, you get your wish. He's finally asking Sam.”


End file.
